What’s the difference between normal teenage behaviors and signs of a toxic daughter?

Visualize the scene. It’s 2 a.m., and your 15-year-old daughter walks through the door, drunk and high. You are worried out of your mind. You try to argue with her, but it ends in a full-scale argument. She pushes you out of the way, slams her bedroom door in your face, and turns up her music loud enough to wake the nearby town.

Is this normal teenage behavior or a sign of something more serious? How do you deal with your daughter who is out of control? In this article, I’ll learn about 12 toxic signs and what you can do about them.

12 Signs of a toxic daughter

1. She is disrespectful and rude
   Teenagers are rude and disrespectful as a rite of passage. But there is a line between crossing the line and outright disdain. It’s a red flag if your daughter says insulting things or disrespects your rules.

Watch out if she belittles or rejects your rules, acts as if she’s entitled and belittles you. This is a sure sign of a toxic daughter.

2. You find it scary
   Do you fear for your daughter? Do you find it scary? Does she threaten you verbally or with violence? Is she unpredictable, or prone to emotional outbursts or aggression? Are you at a point where you are hesitant to discipline her for her reactions?

this is unacceptable. Parents should never be afraid of their children.

3. It is dialectical
   Does your daughter become aggressive and argue over the smallest things? For example, asking her to clean the dinner table leads to a full-on tantrum. Forcing her to put her laundry in the basket results in her leaving the house. Is she always on the defensive, acting like the world hates her?
4. It is easier to give in to her demands
   If you have other children with you at home, you may find maintaining peace that you give into their demands. You can’t face another class or disturb her siblings. Therefore, you enable it through surrender.
5. It disrupts other family members
   Are you afraid of your daughter coming home because you know she will upset her brothers and sisters? One of the most common signs of a toxic daughter is causing conflict between family members.

She may manipulate her brothers and play them against each other. When you’re at home, there’s always conflict.

6. There is nothing her fault
   People who cannot accept responsibility for their actions or behavior have an external locus of control. This means that they believe that their fate is out of their hands. Everything that happens to them is someone else’s fault. They never take responsibility for their poor choices or outcomes.
7. She’s physically abusive

One of the most serious signs that your daughter is toxic is physical abuse. Does your daughter use violence to get her way, or to avoid a situation? Are you afraid she will attack you or your partner? Are you worried about your children?

If your daughter is physically violent toward you, it is time to seek professional help.

8. You are emotionally and physically drained all the time
   It’s stressful dealing with a toxic child. You’re always on high alert, waiting for the next dramatic episode to unfold.

Will she start again because she is being punished for past unacceptable behavior? Does it cause friction between you and your partner? Does her behavior affect your other children? Did the neighbors complain about her? Does she receive frequent calls from her school?

These are signs of a toxic daughter and not indicators of normal teenage behavior.

9. She makes you feel guilty and makes you give up
   Clever manipulators use devious tactics such as guilt. You may think that only adults can use these calculation methods. But children are more intuitive than you think. They will use issues like divorce or your busy job to make you feel guilty into giving in to their demands.
10. She lies all the time
    Children lie for many reasons. The most common is to avoid punishment. But there are other reasons and ways to lie. One of them makes promises without having any intention of keeping them. The other is withholding the truth or hiding information. Then there is the scapegoat of the brother.
11. It’s always tense when you’re around
    Do you feel like you’re treading on eggshells when your daughter is home? Does the world revolve around her and her demands?

Is she abusive, using insulting or obscene language in front of your other children? Has your partner had enough? Do you post offensive opinions to get a reaction from you? Are you afraid to go home when you know she’s there?

12. You ignore boundaries and rules
    Parents set limits to keep children safe. It also teaches them that rules apply in the adult world and that it is a productive way to prepare them for adulthood. Not caring about boundaries or rules is one of the main signs of a toxic daughter.

Do you get home long after curfew? Are you invading your siblings’ personal space? Did you take things without asking?

Why do girls become toxic?

Children are the product of their upbringing and environment. No one grows up in a vacuum. Everything and everyone affects us. It’s easy to look at the symptoms of toxic behavior and look past the causes.

But we can deal with it instead of focusing on what your daughter is doing, and step back and objectively examine why she is behaving the way she does.

1. Parenting styles
   What kind of parent were you? Have you spoiled your daughter or favored her among her siblings? Or maybe you are a strict parent who makes all her decisions for her?

Helicopter parenting is overly concerned with your child’s life, micromanaging their every move. Then there is the absent parent who is exhausted by his or her job or the abusive parent. The way you raised your daughter may help you understand his behavior toward her.

2. Witnessing abuse at home
   Studies show that children who witness abuse are more likely to suffer from behavioral problems. These include increased aggression, depression, anxiety, fighting at home or at school and more.

Children find different ways to deal with these negative feelings. They may turn to drug use, change their peer group, start bullying, or display rebellious behavior.

3. Mental health problems
   Your daughter may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder. Many adults are now diagnosed with ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and Asperger syndrome. Looking for:

• Frequent mood swings
• Difficulty managing emotions or changes in routine
• Impulsive behavior
• Sensitivity to loud sounds
• Minimal social interaction

4. Mixing with the “wrong” crowd.
   If teens don’t feel valued and accepted in their family, they look for that validation elsewhere. In addition to basic human necessities like food and shelter, children (and adults) need to know that we love them unconditionally.

Spending time and sharing your experiences and knowledge is also vital. You may be strict with your daughter, work multiple jobs, or even be very lenient.

What to do if your daughter shows signs of toxic behavior?

1. Look at the person, not the behavior
   When teens act out, something is wrong, and they don’t have the verbal dexterity to talk about it. However, when your daughter screams or hits you, it is difficult to separate the toxic behavior from your loved one’s behavior.

The obvious answer is to sit down and talk to your child to find out the reason for his behavior. Maybe there are some quiet moments when you can say:

“Okay, I know something’s wrong. No matter what you tell me, I won’t judge you. You’re my worry. I love you, and I’m here for you.”

2. Take an honest look at your parenting style
   Teenagers rebel against strict parents. On the other hand, parents who do not provide clear rules and boundaries can have children who lack self-control. Being overly involved in your child’s life can hamper his decision-making skills.

Overly critical parents prevent teens from expressing themselves and lead to a fear of failure. Using attention or affection to reward good behavior can cause codependency. The child may seek attention elsewhere and end up in abusive relationships.

3. Set boundaries and stick to them
   Whether your daughter is 13 or 33, boundaries are important. If she lives in your home and is a minor, she has a curfew. There are consequences for being late.

If you are dealing with adult children, tell them that you will not be under their command and contact them. You don’t bail them out when they make mistakes, and if they don’t start working/contributing/helping etc., they can leave. You are their parent, not a punching bag or a bank.

4. Get professional help
   We can only solve some problems with professional help. If your daughter is putting herself in harm’s way, or becoming a danger to others, you may need to involve the authorities or a health care professional.

Final thoughts

Signs of a toxic daughter appear in many ways. However, these signs show an underlying problem. You may or may not be able to solve the problem. Maybe you have had enough and have stopped all communication. Whether it’s time to act or back down is entirely your decision.