12 Toxic Behaviors That Push People Away

Your behavior is a small thing that makes a big difference. Whether your toxic behaviors are common, or just once-in-a-blue-moon phenomena, it is critical to be able to recognize your own long-term happiness and success when you are acting negatively, and to consciously change your way of thinking when necessary.

The twelve most common toxic behaviors we see are:

The envy of everyone else –
Don’t let envy (or jealousy) take advantage of you. Envy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings rather than your own. There is nothing attractive or impressive about this behavior. So stop comparing your journey to anyone else’s. Your journey is your journey, not a competition. You compete with one person and one person only – you. You compete to be the best you can be. If you want to measure your progress, compare yourself to where you were yesterday.
Taking everything too personally –
Toxic people think that whatever is happening around them is a direct attack on them or is related to them in some way. The truth is, what people say and do to you has more to do with them than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, their hurts, and their experiences.

Whether people think you’re cool or they think you’re the worst, again, is more about them. I’m not suggesting we should be narcissistic and ignore all comments. I say that a lot of the pain, disappointment, and sadness in our lives comes from taking things personally. In most cases, it’s best to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you and take your intuition and wisdom as your guide.

Always act like you’re a victim –
Another toxic behavior is the constant complaining that fuels your feelings of being hurt. Believing that you are a victim, that you have neither the strength to exercise nor the power over the direction of your life, is a toxic attitude that keeps you stuck.

Working as a life coach with people who have experienced great trauma in their lives but found the courage to change everything, I know that we all have more strength, power, and influence over our lives than we first thought. When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you will find that you are stronger than you realized, but only if you choose to accept that reality.

Hoarding pain and loss. –
One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go — whether it’s guilt, anger, love, or loss. Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But often letting go is the healthiest way forward. Removes toxic thoughts from the past. You have to emotionally free yourself from the things that previously meant a lot to you, so you can move on from the past and the pain it causes you. Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every effort you can muster.
Obsessive negative thinking –

It’s so hard to be around people who refuse to let go of negativity—when they ruminate and continually talk about the terrible things that could and will happen, the scorn they’ve experienced, and the injustices of life.

Such people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what is happening. Pessimism is one thing — but staying permanently locked in a negative mindset is another. Just seeing the negative, and acting from the perspective that everything is negative and against you, is a roundabout way of thinking and living, and you can change that.

What are the signs that you are dealing with toxic behaviors? Watch this interesting video to find out:

Lack of emotional self-control –
Not being able to manage your emotions is harmful to everyone around you. We all know those people — the ones who explode into rage and tears over the smallest hiccup or problem. Yelling at the grocery store clerk for the long line, yelling at a clerk for a simple mistake you made, or losing it with your daughter over spilling juice on the floor.

If you find that you are overly emotional, and losing your cool at every turn, you may need some outside help to help you control your feelings and understand the cause of your inner anxiety. There is more to it than appears on the surface. An independent perspective—and a new kind of support—can work wonders.

Make superficial judgments about others –
Don’t always judge a person by what they show you. Remember, what you saw was often just what this person chose to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.

Unfortunately, when someone else tries to make you suffer in some small way, it is usually because they are suffering deep within themselves. Their suffering is simply spreading. They don’t need punishment or ridicule, they need help. If you can’t help them, so be it.

Cruelty (or lack of empathy and compassion) –
One of the most toxic behaviors – cruelty – stems from a complete lack of empathy, concern, or empathy for others. We see it every day on the Internet and in the media – people are being destructively mean and hurting others just because they can. They rip people off online in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a shield.

Cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason are toxic, and it hurt you, too. If you find yourself backstabbing and ripping someone else apart, stop in your tracks. Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, and realize that we are all in this together.

Cheating and moralizing just because you can –
Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, not an excuse! If you decide to cheat and succeed in deceiving someone out of something, don’t think that person is a fool. Know that this person trusted you so much more than you ever deserved. Be bigger than that. Don’t do immoral things just because you can. do not cheat. Be honest with yourself and everyone else. Do the right thing. Integrity is at the core of everything successful.
Hide who you are –
People cannot relate to you if you are constantly trying to hide from yourself. And this becomes a really toxic situation once they get attached to your false personality. So remember, regardless of age, race, gender, or sexuality, underneath all of your outer decor you are a pure and beautiful being—each of us.

We each have our own light to shine, and missions that we must accomplish. Celebrate being different, off the beaten track, a little on the quirky side, your own creativity. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in. But don’t change who you are; Be on your nature. Do not deny yourself, develop yourself.

The need for constant verification –

People who are constantly seeking validation from others are exhausted to be around. Those men and women who are preoccupied with having to prove their worth over and over again, and always wanting to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining. I know this.

Being overly attached to how things appear to others can stress you out and frustrate everyone around you. There is a bigger picture to your life, and it is not about what you achieve in the eyes of the crowd. It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you learn, how you help others learn as well, and the growing process in which you allow yourself to be involved.

Being a stubborn perfectionist –
As humans, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection. We do this when we’re looking for the perfect home, job, friend, or lover. The problem, of course, is that perfection does not exist in a static state. Because life is a continuous journey, constantly evolving and changing.

What is here today is not quite the same tomorrow – that perfect home, job, friend or lover will eventually fade into imperfection. But with a bit of patience and an open mind, over time, this imperfect home evolves into a comfortable home. This imperfect job develops into a rewarding career. This imperfect friend develops into a stable shoulder to lean on. And this imperfect lover develops into a trusted companion for life. It’s just a matter of allowing perfection.

If you can relate to any of these toxic behaviors, remember that you are not alone. We all have unhealthy personalities buried deep inside that can creep up on us sometimes. As mentioned above, the key is awareness – recognizing these behaviors and stopping them in their tracks.

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