Narcissists are unique characters, one of the things you will notice about them is that they do and say things that will leave you scratching your head in complete confusion.
Narcissists enjoy manipulating their victims.
Due to the nature of the disorder, some narcissists have a desire to disrupt the emotional well-being of their targets.
As such, they will not engage in conversations or act in certain ways without an ulterior motive behind it.
Often, the goal is to psychologically terrorize their victim. Essentially, everything a narcissist says and does is code for something else, and if you want to get a better understanding of the person you are dating, you will need to read between the lines.
Here are 12 Weird Things Narcissists Do and Say and What They Actually Mean.
1. They Always Walk in Front of You
Most narcissists are capable of being extremely selfish; to them, they are the most important person in the world.
They view people as extensions of themselves, and that they are there to fulfill their desires and needs.
Much of their behavior will make their partner feel invisible in the relationship, and one of the many bizarre ways they do this is by walking in front of their significant other when they are in public.
The narcissist will pick up speed and walk very quickly with the intent of losing them.
The individual will then begin frantically searching for their partner, while watching them in a panic in the shadows.
When the narcissist decides to show up, they will blame the person for being too slow.
2. How can I show you the depth of my love for you?
Saying this is usually part of the love bombing or idealization phase.
The narcissist will make their partner feel like they are the most amazing and special person in the world.
They desperately want the individual to believe this, and to reinforce it they will ask what they can do to show their partner how much they love them.
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This is a very effective manipulation tactic that has profound psychological effects.
They are essentially saying that they are willing to do anything for their partner, even if it means traveling to the ends of the earth.
3. They are obsessed with conspiracy theories
Psychologists from the University of Kent conducted a study and found that narcissists are more likely to be obsessed with conspiracy theories.
Previous research suggests that endorsing conspiracy theories is linked to low self-esteem, a common personality trait in narcissists.
The researchers claim that their love for conspiracy theorists may stem from their association with the malicious actions of the perpetrators.
4. There is no couple in the world that has a stronger relationship than ours
Again, this is another saying used during the love bombing stage of a relationship.
The narcissist aims to constantly remind you that you are in the best relationship you can possibly be in.
This is one of the first things you will hear from a potential abuser.
Constant attention and flattery may be appealing when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few months.
But when they make these kinds of statements a few days later, you may want to start thinking twice about who you are dating.
The love bombing stage is a strategy that a narcissist uses to trap their prey before they realize what is really happening.
Think of it this way, when you are trying to put the leash back on a dog’s neck, you will lure them with treats, put on your sweet voice, and say all the right things to get them to come to you.
Once the dog gets close enough, you can quickly undo the leash from their collar.
In the beginning of a relationship, narcissists will use every trick in the book to lure their victims in.
5. They answer questions indirectly
A narcissist will never give a yes or no answer, and will avoid answering because it invalidates the question.
Giving a direct yes or no answer is an indication that the person asking the question is being recognized and honored as a person, whether or not they agree with that person’s opinion.
By giving an indirect answer, you are refusing to answer the question and dehumanizing the person who asked it.
Narcissists do not like to answer other people’s questions, they prefer to answer their own questions, which is why they will reframe the question to suit themselves.
6. None of my exes were faithful to me
When you can make someone feel guilty, it’s easier to control them.
Narcissists are champions at making their victims feel sorry for them.
If their partner doesn’t behave in a way that pleases them, they will say something along those lines to force the person into a submissive position.
7. They Control Conversations
As you know, narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance (even though deep down they are terribly insecure).
One way this manifests itself is by controlling conversations; psychologists have coined this behavior “conversational narcissism.”
A conversation is a two-way street, but not with conversational narcissists.
You won’t be able to talk about side issues because they will keep shifting the attention to themselves, and they will interrupt everything you say and turn it into them.
Before you finish the first sentence about your day, they will interrupt you and tell you all the details about theirs.
Try talking about the amazing ski trip you went on; They went on a better trip ten years ago.
And after they’re done talking, they’ll abruptly end the conversation because they’ve achieved their goal.
8. I Know How to Destroy You
The cornerstone of a narcissist’s personality is their lack of empathy.
Most of the time, they don’t feel good about themselves, and they deal with this by projecting their negative feelings onto others.
Their survival depends on winning and being right at all costs, and when that’s threatened, they automatically go into attack mode.
When they say things like, “I know how to destroy you,” these hurtful words don’t actually mean that they want to make your life miserable, but that they want you to feel just as bad as they do.
The narcissist’s inner voice is a voice of extreme criticism; so, to silence that voice, they repeat the same destructive messages to their victims.
9. They Love Totalitarian Leaders
Pol Pot, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Adolf Hitler are just a few of the totalitarian leaders who have been labeled as narcissists.
They wanted to have complete control over their country’s citizens and governments, and they did so by any means necessary, including systematically imprisoning and killing anyone who refused to submit to their authority.
Narcissists want to make a name for themselves, and in most cases, these dictators inflicted such terror on the population that they remained in power for several years and are now well-known historical figures.
If you find that your narcissistic partner is obsessed with Adolf Hitler, it’s because they can relate to him.
Narcissists love dominance, believe they are better than everyone else, and love the idea of exercising their power over the “little people.”
Since narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and people like Joseph Stalin were on the higher end, in most cases, your friend would not approve of the looting and murder that goes with this type of leadership.
There is no need to worry about them approving of this level of evil, it is about the power these dictators have over others they admire.
10. You are responsible for the downfall of this relationship
One of the most essential traits of a mentally healthy, responsible, morally centered person is their ability to value themselves and take responsibility for their feelings and actions.
This is how we learn and grow from our mistakes and live a life that is consistent with our value system.
Most people understand the difference between right and wrong from a young age.
However, one of the trademarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that they do not take responsibility and blame anyone but themselves when things go wrong.
If their relationship is about to fall apart, instead of looking inward, they will point the finger at their partner.
You will go through several stages when you are in a relationship with a narcissist; this is usually said during the devaluation stage or the disposal stage.
The devaluation stage is when the narcissist starts to destroy your self-esteem and confidence by saying mean things to you.
The goal is to completely control your emotional well-being so that you become completely dependent on them.
They want you to reach a point where you will do anything for them, so by saying that you are the one responsible for the relationship’s collapse, you will start doing everything possible to gain their approval.
The disposal stage is when the narcissist feels that they have gotten all they can from the relationship and that you are no longer useful to them.
This could be because you have run out of money, or you are completely exhausted from the abuse and have nothing left to offer them, or they have found someone they consider better.
To ensure that they win the imaginary competition in the relationship, they will go for complete destruction.
During this stage, you will hear the worst insults that will keep you in a state of increasing distress.
As they prepare to withdraw, they want to leave you feeling like your actions are the reason for the relationship’s failure.
11. The Silent Treatment
Narcissists are known for their passive-aggressive nature, and the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to show contempt, disapproval, and resentment.
It can be subtle or overt, but it is always used to subjugate and manipulate the victim into submission and obedience.
The silent treatment is a very effective form of abuse, because what is not said, the person being treated will focus on what they may have done wrong, which causes significant emotional distress.
The victim usually ends up accepting blame and responsibility for things they did not do.
They will apologize, plead, and beg for forgiveness while the narcissist smiles inwardly and enjoys watching the results of the emotional trauma they have inflicted.
The victim feels confused and disoriented because they are unable to correct a situation they did not create.
The silence can last for hours, days, or even weeks, depending on how long the narcissist feels it is necessary to make you suffer.
12. Is this really how you feel? I’m so sorry
“Sorry” never means sorry to a narcissist; what they’re saying is, “Let’s get this over with so I can continue my reign of terror without you complaining about it every second.”
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A narcissist has several reasons for apologizing, none of which have anything to do with holding themselves accountable for their actions and understanding that what they said or did hurt you.
They’re usually sorry because:
- You alerted them
- They got caught
- You have feelings
Final Thoughts on the Weird Things Narcissists Do and Say
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, these are likely all too familiar sayings and behaviors that you’ve noticed and heard over and over again.
The good news is that you can now put these words into context if you plan to stay with your narcissistic partner.
It’s important to protect yourself from the harm these words and actions can cause.
But if you feel like the relationship has become too psychologically damaging for you, start planning your exit strategy.
The truth is that deep down most narcissists don’t want to hurt anyone and all they do is react emotionally to the intense pain they feel but don’t know how to deal with.
