Toxic relationships take a big part of you.
Let’s be honest:
Some people don’t recover from the damage they do.
But some people do.
Are you one of them? Has healing begun and has your return begun?
Let’s take a look…
1) I was completely saddened
She cried ugly and shed buckets of tears. You pulled the curtains in your apartment and disappeared for a week.
She went through hell and screamed at every pillow she owned.
Now you screamed everything. You are ready to live again.
Or at least to leave your apartment and take a short walk to the cafe and back.
2) I have experienced reality
I faced the harsh reality:
You have not only loved and lost, you have loved and been abused, gassed, maybe even physically or sexually assaulted.
I have experienced some of the worst that humanity has to offer, and no one “bounces” from it.
It will take some time, and you have scars. But you will not give up.
3) you do not choose yourself
This relates to the previous point:
You are sad and deeply scarred, but you do not whip yourself.
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You know that a lot of what happened wasn’t your fault and that the toxic relationship that affected you would have done the same to anyone.
You are not weak or bad, you are strong because you are still alive.
4) you feel OK sometimes
When you get used to barely spending the day, waking up and realizing that you feel almost fine is a big victory.
The former pain of your relationship still weighs on you, but it no longer controls you.
You can take a full breath and exhale without feeling that the world is collapsing around you.
5) your self-esteem is rebounding
Toxic relationships are a destructive ball for self-esteem but you feel that your confidence is slowly returning.
You are beginning to realize or reaffirm that your value has not been reduced because of the terrible experiences you had in your previous relationship.
If anything, your ability to overcome such heartbreak and emotional storms proves that you are a warrior.
You feel your worth and have started to deal with others, do physical activities and exercises, and get out of your head more.
6) you don’t hold a grudge
This is a very difficult one, because how can you not hold a grudge for someone who made your life hell?
The toxic relationship probably brought out the worst aspects of yourself, too.
How not resent someone who helped you get to this level?
The answer is that you have found the source of new energy within yourself and find that even while the pain is still there you are ready to move on.
You want to focus on the future and on improving yourself, and the pain of what happened is no longer your focus.
7) you live your own life
You live your own life, make your friends, and stick to your limits.
You become active and work on your mental and physical health.
Even if you still have days down where you do not want to leave your room and you sip on a vintage bottle like orange juice, you are not completely beyond hope.
Your life has a schedule again. You put in full days of work. You are having at least short moments when you feel like maybe, just maybe, you are going to be fine.
8) you are not following your ex
It’s very tempting to keep following your ex on social media and asking mutual friends about him or her – even when that ex treated you terribly.
Love dies hard. Even toxic love.
But you don’t do that. You blocked it and moved on (or they blocked you and you finally accepted it).
You’re not chasing them anymore. You are pushing away that inner critic who is trying to tell you to go after them.
You have drawn boundaries and will never cross them again, including with your attention.
Your time and energy are too valuable to spend looking at the life of someone who treated you badly and led to one of the worst chapters of your life.
9) you have a busier social life
Your social life is not close to flourishing yet, and you still have a lot of times when you don’t want to talk to anyone.
But you’re busier than you remember since your breakup.
You are talking to friends again and sometimes you feel ready for social events.
You’re not exactly club-hopping or smiling and chatting about it with everyone you meet. But I was tentatively reaching out and opening up again.
Perhaps this is what healing is like.
10) you understand the roots of what happened
Although the past still hurts a lot, you understand a lot about what happened and why.
You can see how your untreated patterns and the toxic behavior of your partner led to the traumatic events that happened.
Therapy, self-healing, meditation, and inner work have led you to a more understanding place.
The pain is still there, but there is also more clarity, and this brings some relief.
11) return your hope in love
You don’t have much hope, but you have a little.
Even if it seems like Love will never happen to you, the idea of loving and wishing others well seems like a possibility.
A small crack of light shines under the door, and you are ready to let it in, even a little.
Maybe Love Hurts and will always be, but it can also be beautiful.
You are ready to give that, even if romantic love seems like something very painful to you at the moment and you don’t quite see the end of this perception yet.
12) you are dating again
The proof is in the desert!
If you are dating again and not thinking about your ex as much, you are recovering from the pain of the past.
Even if the dates you go on aren’t amazing and don’t lead to second dates, you deserve fame for getting yourself out there.
You don’t have high expectations, nor are you dating because you’re lonely or desperate.
You are only open to meeting new people even as friends and in putting yourself out there and forming new bonds that go beyond the pain of the past.
