Masochism is a way of abusing yourself for whatever reason you think you deserve. The emotional masochist is not much different.

By most definitions, masochism is the search for pleasure from pain. There are different types of masochistic behaviors, including undergoing pain to become more spiritual.

What is an emotional masochist?

But one of the lesser-known forms of this behavior comes from emotional masochism. It has nothing to do with sadomasochism, which is sexual pain, or other forms of masochistic behavior. It has its definition.

An emotional masochist is a person who derives pleasure from self-inflicted emotional pain.

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Maybe you know people like this, or it might be you. Without understanding the signs of a person who is indulging in emotional pain, you will never know. There are signs that someone is already addicted to emotional pain.

1. Self-criticism
   One sign that you are an emotional masochist is that you are highly critical of yourself. If something goes wrong, it’s always your fault. You think everyone hates you, and you hate yourself too. Sometimes it gets so bad that all you can do is cry to get rid of the pain.
2. Stuck in the past
   Everyone thinks about times from the past every now and then. However, the person who inflicts pain on himself will live in the past. You will not be able to embrace the present or look to the future. This drains your energy and don’t even try to change that.
3. Starting a fight for no reason
   Sometimes arguments and fights happen. With someone who is immersed in pain, starting a fight would seem natural. There’s a lot of pain inside you, and fighting someone seems to help you deal with what you’ve invested emotionally. You will fight about almost anything.
4. Alcohol and drug abuse
   The emotional masochist is known to abuse drugs or alcohol, or even both. They are stuck in the pain they bring on themselves. If this is you, materials drown your sorrows. But it wouldn’t be natural for you to live an emotionally positive life, so you continue this pattern.
5. Quick to end friendships
   Even if there is a small argument between acquaintances that could be resolved by compromise, you who enjoy the emotional pain will end your friendship instead.

You are looking for a reason to break ties with people you once loved. It’s as if you need something else to get rid of in the past in order to ruminate and punish yourself.

6. There is no trust at all
   Whether or not this feeling initially came from multiple episodes of loss of trust, I had decided that no one could be trusted.

You question everything, insult people about their integrity, and even decide in advance that this is just another untrustworthy person. It hurts not to be able to trust anyone, but you are used to the pain.

7. I like depressing music
   There’s nothing wrong with listening to sad songs sometimes, but an emotional masochist will almost always relate to music like this, and that will be his favorite type of tune.

When you listen to depressing music, you feel like they are doing it, and you understand their point of view and perspective on life. It makes you feel better, but only temporarily.

8. Waiting for pain
   Life could be going well, the weather could be perfect, your relationship could be going well, and your career could be amazing. But, despite all these good things, you know deep down that something bad is about to happen.

You know that negative circumstances are on the way. And yes, things change from good to bad all the time, but the masochist will think about it all the time, waiting and contemplating the coming pain. When it’s real, we should all enjoy the moment while it lasts.

9. Tolerance of toxic people
   People who inflict pain on themselves often endure anything from a toxic person as well. You accept controlling behaviour, abuse and rejection.

Because you feel like you deserve this kind of treatment, you allow them to continue. Instead of moving away, you try to get closer to them.

10. You are not brave
    When you feel the doubt that accompanies the pain, you won’t stand up for yourself when you’re being abused. While some people still realize that blatant criticism is lies, there are others who believe the lies and do not fight them.

No, you shouldn’t start fights all the time, but you should fight for yourself and stand tall when the time comes. Those who love emotional pain have little courage.

11. Eating disorders
    Those who internalize emotional pain usually suffer from some type of eating disorder. They either starve themselves or devour themselves.

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Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve to eat, or maybe food alone fills this pain inside you. Either way, this is very unhealthy and a common sign.

12. Failure in professional life
    You can find a job that’s perfect for you, but you’ll be sabotaging that career opportunity if that’s your situation. There are many ways to sabotage jobs such as being late all the time or simply not showing up for work.

You can go to work too and intentionally not give it your all. You are emotionally killing your chances of having a great future with this job.

Do these signs describe you?

Yes, even you can be an emotional masochist. I see myself in quite a few of those signs. But I’m glad I see myself out there so I can start making positive changes.

If you know yourself or a friend as a lover of emotional pain, it’s time to work on yourself as well. No one is perfect, but everyone can keep trying as long as they don’t give up.