This is a powerful case of innocent people being tested.
“What test, Alexander?” I hear you ask.
There are ways in which narcissists like to make sure they still have you exactly where they want you to be—under their control.
They think it’s time for them to step in and make sure you do exactly what they want you to do.
What’s worse—they do it secretly. Why would it be any other way?
So, it’s only fair that I give you some advice on how they do it. Wouldn’t that be bad?
FairToSay: Control Is Essential
For any narcissist to succeed in their abusive endeavors, a set of conditions must be in place.
Control is one of them. It’s an unhealthy behavior, but it leads to the narcissist feeling in control—exactly where they want to be.
No other behavior is more important to a narcissist. If they can’t control you, none will come from you. You can just go to the trash can and jump right in.
You can run…
This is the main issue when it comes to any kind of control. A narcissist will want to find you, especially if they haven’t seen you in a while.
Related : Why Do Narcissists Hate Your Hobbies?
Whether you’re a long-lost friend, an ex, or someone out of town—if a narcissist wants to reach out—they will.
In other words, you can run, but you can’t hide.
…Be One Step Ahead
But you don’t have to hide. You can escape their control like you would a snake shedding its skin.
You do this by staying one step ahead and understanding these 12 secret ways.
1 The Message
Hi, it’s me. I haven’t seen you in a while, and I know how much you love messages…
Oh! Tear it up! Burn it! Make a paper airplane and throw it into the Grand Canyon!
Messages are known to be old-fashioned, and they have romantic connotations attached to them.
Don’t fall for them and respond to them—that’s what they want!
2 Friend Request
Accept or reject?
Burn your phone.
No, don’t do it, but definitely decline it. You don’t need them to track your business and interact with your loved ones on your profile.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Do On Social Media That Expose Them
You definitely don’t need them to be your friend in any way.
3 Texting
Ignore. Delete. Block.
Texting has become a quick way for someone to tell someone else what they’re thinking or feeling.
We’ve all been ingrained in our minds that an immediate response is needed; sometimes, it comes without fully considering your response.
Narcissists don’t even deserve a response. If you want them to see that they’re no longer controlling you, delete.
4 Tag you in an old photo
Stop tagging me in photos from 15 years ago when we were either really good friends or partners!
This is unnecessary; it just shows people that you think they’re still important to you. See point 2 again. Don’t add.
5 Throwing criticism your way
Victims respond to criticism by trying to fit in, apologize, or back off even more.
Any of these responses equate to control and prove that the narcissist is still able to get to you in this way.
If you are being criticized, it’s time to start ignoring those words, and continue living your best life!
6 Showing Up Unannounced
How will you react?
When you are caught off guard, will you forgive? Will you open your door and heart to them again?
It’s like a constant test of the waters—and one that you really don’t need.
Related : How Narcissists Act When They Need A Favor
If the narcissist shows up unannounced, stay calm and collected. Politely decline and continue to engage.
7 Questions
Where have you been?
What time do you call this?
Who sent this email?
Why is there a push from out of town yesterday, where did you go?
Why are you wearing lipstick all of a sudden?
Rushing to answer questions like these will put you in the box of this person who is still controlling me.
Some questions are innocent, but if they come from the mouth of the narcissist, they rarely are.
Please don’t listen to them when they say they’re just asking because they care.
They don’t care at all.
8 It’s Never Too Late for a Love Bomb
Old dogs love old tricks as much as they love new ones.
If love bombs have worked for you in the past, don’t let them become a mistake you make again.
Love bombs are designed to lure you in. The flattery and attention are designed to lure you in and give you a false sense of existence.
And if you fall for their trap? Well, you’re still under their control.
And they can cross you off the list again for a short while.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Say About Their Ex-Partners
From now on, you have to duck and dive to avoid the love bomb and move on with your life. When they know you’re not someone to be messed with, they’ll find a new victim.
9 Ignoring You
I can’t tell you how much I hate being ignored – because there are no words strong enough.
I find it calculated, cruel, and callous. Mostly, I find it unnecessary to just coldly dismiss people without explanation. It shows immaturity, but it doesn’t always show narcissism.
However, there is another important point, which is that narcissists ignore you. And once they are done with you, they will leave you like a hot potato and leave you with no end in sight.
What they expect from ignoring you is for you to beg for answers. They want to see the string of text messages you pour into their inbox.
They want to see the long list of emails you send, asking them to respond and telling you what you did that was so wrong.
They need your attention, and the only time they get it is as a result of bad treatment like ignoring you. That is why this game remains popular with them.
The long-term effects of ignoring include emotional repetition that you are not good enough, or that you always say or do something wrong.
What could be so terrible that you are treated this way so often?
It is unfair and unnecessary.
Don’t let this pathetic behavior get the best of you.
10 Does Blame Still Work?
Remember the times when narcissists blamed you? They take what you did—no matter how honorable you may try to be—and blame you.
Related : 11 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Home Alone
The blame you faced gave way to other emotions.
Guilt.
Shame.
Embarrassment.
Self-loathing.
Low self-worth.
It’s all there for you to feel, because of them.
Narcissists love to go back and see if it still works for you, so any time they feel like blaming you, they will.
In this way, a bigger part of you will be diminished by their behavior.
11 Another Attempt to Disarm Your Reality
Well, if they could, they would.
Your reality has always been under a microscope with a narcissist. This is the kind of thing that will never go away.
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Narcissists are always looking for ways to distort your reality, and they won’t hesitate to try to disarm what you believe to be true.
Watch them try to tell you that it never happened, or that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Also, listen to the ways they try to convince you that you’ve become forgetful or that you’re overly sensitive to criticism.
You’re neither of those things. You’re a good person who has a right to feel what they feel, and no one should erase that by trying to maintain control.
