Malignant narcissists are among the most dangerous types of narcissists. They often meet the criteria for both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder, and their behavior is usually harmful, exploitative, and destructive (Goldner-Vukov et al., 2010).
Chances are, if you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist, you’re constantly feeling uncomfortable and angry about your situation. You may also feel trapped and your safety may be at stake. Let’s get into the other signs of malignant narcissism.
1 – They crave power at all costs
Most narcissists crave power and control. It helps maintain their boundless ego. But the malignant narcissist is constantly hungry for power, and they don’t take shortcuts to earn the pot they need.
Unfortunately, malignant narcissists may work in high-impact jobs, which makes it easy to secure that power. For example, they often hold positions as CEOs, politicians, doctors, or lawyers.
Even if they work in smaller settings, such as schools or local businesses, they want complete control of day-to-day operations. To fulfill their desires, they have no problem crossing the rules or throwing other people under the bus.
2 – They hold a deep grudge
If you ever wronged a malignant narcissist, don’t expect them to forget it. Not only will they remember what happened, but they will most likely try to remind you of your mistake at every possible opportunity.
In addition, even more so than other types of narcissists, malignant narcissists can easily cut off or alienate others. People can be completely disposable to them. Even if they make you feel special, they can turn off that feeling like a light switch.
Therefore, malignant narcissists tend to have long lists of enemies, haters, and people who have allegedly wronged them. Naturally, they would talk about these people as if they were subhuman as if they were the worst people ever. But if you dig a little deeper, you will probably find that these people did nothing wrong!
3 – They never show remorse
Some narcissists seem to show remorse when they make a bad decision. This does not mean that their regret is reliable, but it could mean that they know how to exercise enough cognitive empathy to feign an intimate bond.
The same cannot be said of malignant narcissists. These individuals do not apologize. They never show an iota of regret or shame for their past decisions.
Instead, they often seem proud of their misdeeds, rationalizing and twisting them to make it seem like they were genius all along. Even if their mistakes are blatantly obvious, they blame others or external factors for causing the problem.
4 – They enjoy your pain
Most narcissists feel threatened by someone else’s success. But malignant narcissists take that feeling a step further. Like sociopaths, malignant narcissists get excited when others are suffering. This is because malignant narcissism entails a sense of inherent cruelty—these individuals seem to get high on hurting you.
You can tell if they are enjoying your pain if they laugh at you when you cry, seem “happy” when things don’t go your way, or try to sabotage your efforts to succeed. Any of these traits may indicate that she is enjoying your annoyance.
Of course, if they were confronted, they would deny this desire. Instead, they will attack you for being crazy, weird, or jealous. They might even turn the confrontation inside out, insisting that you’re the one who wants to see them hurt.
5 – They never take responsibility
One of the classic traits of the malignant narcissist (and most narcissists are) is the inability to take personal responsibility. Instead of admitting something was wrong, this person will shift blame, shine on you, or deny what happened. In other words, they will do anything they can to avoid being recognized for their actions.
And if you try to call them out on it? Their anger only escalates. A malignant narcissist does not want to be confronted, and your attempts to do so are ten times more likely to backfire.
As a result, you’re stuck apologizing for their behavior, walking on eggshells, or hoping and begging for them to change. If other people point out their problems, you often feel responsible for their defense.
6 – They expertly plot revenge
Malignant narcissists are not as impulsive as other narcissists. They also may not be externally great and attention-seeking. Instead, their behavior is more controlled, making it more treacherous and dangerous.
If they believe someone has wronged them, they often spend a great deal of time planning and calculating their next steps. They may spend months pondering exactly how they intend to take revenge. Planning gives them as much suspense as execution.
7 – Their narcissistic anger is always triggered
Does it seem like no matter what you do, you’ve upset the malignant narcissist? They may have felt that you were criticizing them. Perhaps someone else has given you a lot of attention. And in some cases, you won’t even know what you did – but you will know it was the wrong one!
Whatever the specific reason, their reactions are always extreme and out of proportion to the current situation. Narcissistic rage is one of the most dangerous symptoms of malignant narcissism because anger can lead to anything from slander to life-threatening violence.
8 – They are paranoid
The malignant narcissist tends to be suspicious and distrustful of others. They often believe that people have ulterior motives, and this anxiety can appear out of nowhere.
This paranoia may extend to some seemingly unsavory behaviors. For example, they may track or stalk people. They may fall deep down rabbit holes over nonsensical conspiracy theories.
Intervention often feels pointless. If you try to suggest a more reasonable approach, they will likely react by telling you that you are too naive.
Unfortunately, paranoia often seeps into your personal life. Soon, they may be telling you that you can’t spend time with certain family or friends. They may insist that they are only concerned for your well-being, but their gestures stem from a selfish desire to keep you isolated from the outside world.
9 They don’t have close friends
Because malignant narcissists focus exclusively on their own needs, they cannot maintain healthy relationships with others. As a result, most people keep a safe distance and don’t stick to it unless they have to.
Malignant narcissists may spend time with other narcissists. But potentially, they do spend time with the people they admire. These people fulfill their narcissistic supply – which is why they often occupy leadership or executive positions. It forces others to like them.
Who seems to enjoy their company? If you can’t think of anyone, that’s a red flag. It’s also a concern if they have a long list of enemies – that means they have a pattern of very destructive relationships that end in chaos.
- They frequently break laws
Most narcissists think they deserve what they want. But malignant narcissists assume the laws are just suggestions. They don’t feel the need to sign up for it if they don’t meet their own needs.
In some cases, their pattern of breaking laws can seem very strange. For example, a wealthy businessman making millions of dollars might steal a candy bar at a grocery store. Or an ICU surgeon who works with trauma victims might rush to work every day.
These strange inconsistencies occur because narcissists do not live on the same level of reality. They make exceptions that suit their status quo. If they want something, they take it – no questions asked.
11- They hurt you physically
Malignant narcissists are more likely to use violence to control others. Physical violence can come in many forms, but it can include pushing, hitting, kicking, or hurting you without your consent.
Unfortunately, violence is easy to dismiss. You may find yourself justifying what happened or blaming yourself for the narcissist’s provocation. You might assume it was just a one-time thing or a quick reaction to anger.
Keep in mind that these narcissists may harm pets or young children, too. This is because they are considered to be “weaker” and easier to control. Unfortunately, the violence often escalates — once they start engaging in this behavior, they usually don’t stop.
12 They know they are narcissistic
Believe it or not, some wise narcissists recognize their behavior and have insight into their personalities. Many malignant narcissists identify as narcissists.
But here’s the thing: knowledge doesn’t translate into interest. Some narcissists take pride in their positions and thrive on the chaos and resentment that gets in their way. For them, life is just a big game, and other people are opponents that must be defeated.
Ending your relationship with a malignant narcissist
There is no doubt that being with a malignant narcissist can be intimidating. Having said that, the idea of leaving a relationship can seem even more daunting.
If this dynamic sounds familiar to you, it’s crucial to reach out for support. Make sure you can find a safe place for you and your children. Avoid any contact with the narcissist and consider legal action if necessary.
How to finally break free from the narcissistic nightmare
Until I let go of the notion that narcissists weren’t dangerous, I was powerless to stop the doubts and trauma I went through.
Today, after healing myself through the exact steps of The Essential Break Free Bootcamp, I live healthy happy relationships that are kind, supportive, and fulfilling, and I have no problem walking away from anyone who is manipulative or abusive because I feel safe and in ownership of my value and power.
