Words are one of the most powerful tools anyone can use to manipulate others.

Sometimes they can appear so innocent that the idea of doubting them can seem completely wrong.

To better protect yourself from manipulators, you need to know their favorite phrases, so when you hear them, you can stop and say, “Hmm, are they manipulating me?”

Here are 12 phrases manipulators like to use and why they are so successful.

1) “If you say so…”

Now this phrase can be nice, but if someone has a habit of saying this when they don’t get what they want, they are definitely trying to manipulate you.

They want you to feel bad for “ignoring” or “putting aside” their wishes or advice.

It’s a way of saying, “You think you’re right? Well, don’t blame me when things go wrong!”

This is often accompanied by an “I told you so!” If things don’t really go as planned.

2) “It’s not all about you”

Statements like these are meant to subtly pressure you into second-guessing yourself.

But if you think carefully about what they’re actually saying, you’ll find that it’s not accurate at all.

They straight up accuse you of being selfish or even narcissistic, all the while trying to put themselves above you by acting cool and mature!

You may feel like lashing out and saying, “I’m not like that!”, and that would be a mistake.

When in doubt, you can always explain things to non-participating friends and get their opinions.

Because you know what? The people who accuse you of being self-centered are probably the ones accusing you of it.

3) “Why do they treat you like garbage?”

The thing you should understand from this phrase is that it is a double-edged sword.

It’s not necessarily an immediate red sign that someone is trying to manipulate you. The truth is, we can never really be sure if they are trying to help you.

For this reason, when used by a true blue manipulator, it can be dangerous.

Why? Nothing makes us feel seen more than feeling like we have someone on our side. Abusers love to play on this.

They usually do this by trying to make it clear that they are on your side, and that you are against the world.

So pay attention when someone tells you this and then immediately starts isolating you from everyone else around you.

Maybe they want to do this so they have more control over you.

4) “Family is forever”

Manipulators like to make statements that invoke some sort of “sustainability” of your relationship to rein you in and keep you on their side.

You’ll often hear them say things like “Blood is thicker than water!” and “Friends forever!”

But what it really means is that they want to control you — and you making sacrifices for them — forever!

It’s not like it’s limited to just manipulative people, because whole groups of people (like abusive friend groups) will also use this to make you feel like you’d be alone without them.

5) “But I thought you loved me”

They are always quick to make you feel bad about them when you do something they don’t like.

It doesn’t have to be anything big. It could just be setting boundaries like “don’t call me after midnight” or don’t use my stuff without my permission.

They try to capitalize on the idea of unconditional love, that if you truly loved them, you wouldn’t set boundaries.

Be very careful if someone uses this line or something similar like “But I thought we were friends” or “But I thought we were family” or “But I thought we were a team.”

They just want to get what they want all the damn time.

6) “You’re the best!”

“You are the smartest,” “You are the most generous person I know.”

There is nothing wrong with praise in itself. Praise is great, and everyone – even those who may deny it – wants to receive praise.

The problem lies in the intention behind them.

Manipulators praise you so that you become emotionally attached to them and do things for them.

They’ll say, “You’re really great at what you do. I adore you. Can you help me?”

As a general rule, if someone is too quick to compliment others, you should be careful. If they are true manipulators, they will sell you something or ask you to do things for them.

7) “You know I would never do that to you”

Anyone can say this phrase and mean it.

But most of the time, this line is used when someone is caught red-handed and wants to deviate.

You should be careful when someone uses this a lot. If it’s consistent enough that you can call it a habit, then you need to take a hard look at your relationship with them.

It doesn’t matter if they are a lover, friend or even family.

By saying this phrase, they are basically trying to pressure you for daring to doubt them and even embarrass you for it.

Basically, they want you to feel bad when they are accused of doing something bad (even if it is true).

8) “Calm the fuck down! You’re overreacting!”

Like yeah, you might be overreacting, but directly accusing yourself like that is probably the worst way to handle it.

They’re basically saying, “I’m not interested in understanding you, shut up now.”

And if you’re quiet, they’ll try to say so while trying to make you angry so they can feel justified.

But the thing is, real manipulators use this phrase as a tactic to shift the focus away from them and their behavior.

By highlighting your reaction, the actual problem (which they caused) will be buried.

This is their clever way to turn the tables. That makes you the bad guy, not him.

9) “Don’t you care at all?”

Translation: “Why don’t you care about the things I care about?!”

Manipulators may use the same words as the rest of us, but they have a more selfish definition of those words than the rest of us.

When they say “You don’t care!” It’s not because you’re indifferent, it’s because you’re not as interested in their things as they wish you were.

They want you to think about their career, their garden, their dream vacation, and their dream family. Not only that, they want you to make an effort to help them achieve their goals even if you’d rather focus on your own!

10) “You’re overthinking it”

Alternatively, “Don’t think too much about it” or “You’re making it too complicated.”

We live in a very complex world, and sometimes a lot of thinking is necessary to understand it.

While there are times when things are not that complicated, it is still a bad idea to ask people to close their minds and comply.

Don’t be afraid to think, and in fact, ask for time to think if you feel you need it. Everyone could use more time to breathe and really process their thoughts.

Anyone who tries to rush you — or worse, turn off your brain — should immediately question you.

Ask yourself, “Why are they rushing me to make a decision now?” and “Who can really benefit from this – me or them?”

11) “Let me tell you a secret…”

Be careful when someone willingly shares a secret with you.

They will almost always be manipulative who want to gain some kind of influence over you.

Think about it – if this is their secret, why would they share their secrets out of nowhere? Secrets are called secrets for a reason.

If it’s someone else’s secret, why share it?

Manipulators know the power of sharing secrets.

It brings you closer psychologically. It can help build friendships faster by making one feel understood and trusted by the other.

Now ask yourself this “Why do they want to be so close to me?”

12) “I’ve changed.”

We all change.

We are changing little by little, day by day. Sometimes a lot of changes happen quickly, followed by little or no change over a long period of time.

It’s okay when people say this positively, as if they approve of the changes you’ve had.

But definitely be on guard the moment they act like this is somehow a bad thing.

Step back and think about the changes they might be facing… they’re probably the ones who can’t benefit from them anymore.

Usually, manipulators will say this if you turn into a more mature person who is difficult to control.

Their hope is that you’ll feel pressured to return to your old self — someone they can easily play with.

finalthoughts

Good manipulators are especially difficult to spot.

You may have spotted and repelled many obvious manipulators…and yet you’re dancing to the tune of another manipulator without even realizing it.

I hope this article helps you better spot the most insidious people.

But don’t stop at words. It is also important to learn how to read people’s intentions through their tone and body language.