Covert narcissists do not behave like typical narcissists, there is no “me, me, me” and no dramatic meltdowns.
In fact, you’ll probably like them because they’re like the humble introverts next door.
Since they seem harmless, they have the ability to manipulate you without you suspecting a thing!
How do they do it?
with words.
Just by using powerful phrases, they can win your heart and make you do things for them.
Want to know some of these phrases?
Related : If you recognize these 7 signs, you’re dealing with a really manipulative individual
Here are 12 little-known phrases that covert narcissists use to win you over.
1) “You’re a really good friend, you know?”
Covert narcissists use praise as a weapon.
They use it to encourage “positive” behavior and loyalty.
When they praise you for being a good friend, they want you to be a much better friend, so what they’re really saying is “Stand by me” or “Do things for me.”
Because that’s what “good friends” do for each other, right?
By saying this, they are also planting a seed in your head that if you don’t stand up for them or do things for them, you will be a “bad friend.”
Let me tell you – I have a lot of good friends and we never say to each other “You’re a good friend”…because it’s a weird compliment!
So be careful when someone says this to you – especially if you weren’t very close to begin with.
2) “You’re not like everyone else.”
We all want to feel special. And the secret oranges know this!
They will say “You’re not like everyone else” to make you feel good about yourself. Why? We tend to do things for people that make us feel good.
But there is more than that.
They also say this phrase to discourage you from being like everyone else.
Maybe they did something wrong and everyone thinks they are a bad person.
Then telling you that line is their way of manipulating you into believing that they’re actually not that bad… and that they might actually be a good person if you really look closely.
3) “I feel like everyone is against me…”
Narcissists like to play the victim.
Even if they really deserve the punishment they receive, they will say all the “poor me” phrases that can tug at our hearts.
Of course, they do it to win over us.
They will especially use this technique on you if they know you are sympathetic. This is because they know it almost always works!
Who doesn’t want to side with the “underdog”? Who among us does not pity those who cry and feel miserable?
Covert narcissists are scary because they are experts at emotional manipulation. Be very careful.
4) “I’m only thinking about what’s best for you.”
If you catch them committing a major crime – and they know you already hate them – they will say this sentence.
They will make you believe that as long as they have good intentions, their actions are justified.
They told your friend about your secret? That’s because they’re “worried” about you.
Did they fight with your parents? That’s because they’re just trying to “defend” you.
Even if it’s not directly about you, they’ll find a way to include “this is for you” statements so you’ll consider them a good person.
5) “They said terrible things about you.”
If a drug dealer is desperate to win you over, they will turn their enemy into your common enemy.
Let’s say that one day, their enemy simply says “I’m not ready to work with Jack right now,” and they’ll pass that on to you in a malicious way.
They’ll say, “Nancy said she doesn’t like working with you. She thinks you’re not talented enough.”
Not only will this make you hate the other person, it will make you feel indebted to the narcissist for “telling you the truth.”
6) “Don’t tell this to anyone, but…”
Sharing secrets creates a false sense of intimacy.
Covert narcissists use this tactic to make you feel like you are much closer than you actually are.
They will make sure they kill two birds with one stone by telling a “secret” about their enemy.
If they’re having a fight with your colleague Susan, for example — and they want you to side with them — they’ll say, “Hey, I know I’m not supposed to say this, but Susan is having an affair with our boss.”
Telling them this juicy gossip will make you feel a little closer to them, and a little less judgmental about their enemy – a double win for the narc!
7) “You know I’m on your side, right?”
Narcissists want you to “reciprocate” each other’s needs.
They’ll tell you they’re on your side, so you’ll be on theirs too – plain and simple.
Of course, after saying this line, they will be sure to remind you of the many things they have done for you in the past.
They’ll say, “I remember we stayed in the office until midnight to finish your report!”
Or, “Oh, yeah, we went out drinking every night when your ex cheated on you.”
Narcs use this line so you can do them favors. And it always works!
8) “You used to be so supportive of me.”
“It was” – as in the past.
Narcissists use this line to make you feel guilty about changing.
But they will not collapse. They’ll just make sure they say it in a very subtle way. After all, they don’t want you to suspect them of being manipulative.
It has other variations like “We used to be so close” or “You used to be my hero.”
They hope that by saying these lines, you will go back to being the supportive friend you once were.
9) “Just this once!”
It’s hard to say “no” to someone who asks for a favor and says “just this once.”
They’re like the desperate salesman who won’t quit.
Related : If someone is emotionally manipulating you, they’ll display these 8 subtle behaviors
But the funny thing is that they were asking you for favors left and right already!
This usually works out because how cruel would it be to not give them one “small” favor, right?
But these favors are not really small!
They can only be as great as you standing by them when they make a big mistake, or doing things that could ruin your reputation on their behalf.
10) “I do this for everyone.”
“I’m not just thinking about myself here…”
“This is for all of us…”
Covert narcissists are experts at making themselves seem like selfless heroes who only want what is good for humanity.
They stole some money? It’s for everyone!
They lied about something important? It’s for everyone!
This is their way of converting you so that you are on their side.
After all, they “sacrificed” themselves for a greater cause – something that can benefit you, too.
The least you can do is stand with them when they need it most.
11) “To be honest…”
A really good manipulator wants you to believe that he or she is honest, raw, and real.
If they were going to say something that might sound like BS, they’d say that line first.
“To be honest, I really don’t want to run for mayor. But I don’t have a choice!”
“To be honest, I really don’t want to fight with Emma. But I don’t want her to do this to you either.”
Do you know someone who is fond of using the phrase “to be honest”? Be careful. Maybe you are dealing with a covert narcissist.
12) “We can make things better.”
It was their plan!
They did everything themselves.
They never told you that…
But the moment they need your help, suddenly, you’re in the picture!
Now you seem to be part of everything.
The secret narrative likes to use the pronoun “we” to make you feel like you belong.
Why? Because they want to gain your loyalty and support.
You can see that this technique is used by politicians and people in power… because it has proven successful.
finalthoughts
Do you know someone who uses these phrases regularly?
Then you are definitely dealing with a covert narcissist.
Ask yourself what they might want from you and if this is something you really want to give them.
