Hoovering is a common tactic used by narcissists when you escape (or escape) from their toxic web and they want to pull you back into their world. Much like Hoover will dump everything in its path.
Often, the words or actions used by the narcissist seem innocent enough on the surface. Others may respond with, “Oh, that was nice of them,” when you relay what they said or did. Yet, deep down you know it just doesn’t feel right, even if you can’t quite put your finger on ‘why’.
Always trust your gut feeling, especially when dealing with a narcissist. Your body will instinctively and energetically pick up on subtleties that your mind will automatically rationalize.
The narcissist will know you well enough to be fully aware of what specific manipulations will work best on you, based on your deepest wounds.
Whatever variation of the tactics the narcissist uses on you, know that they are controlling you emotionally for their own gain, without any empathy for your well-being.
How the narcissist will ultimately manipulate you:
Pull your heart strings – using empathy and compassion against you.
Bullying you back to the web – using your fears and vulnerabilities against you.
The Hoover is incredibly manipulative, abusive, and selfish. It is difficult for an emotionally stable person to even understand that someone might intentionally pull them back, only for the purpose of exploiting and abusing them. Welcome to the world of Nark.
Let’s dive into any bullshit tactics narcissists use to lure their victims back in and how they use these tricks to achieve their own selfish ends.
Hoovering Tactics Narcissists Use
Access randomly
Just when you think you’re doing a really good job moving forward, the narcissist will randomly reach out, completely out of the blue. They seem to have an uncanny knack for sensing when you’re going, going, going…and they’ll catch you before you’re free.
They usually send a random text or message through social media. It will look innocent enough, which will inevitably create some mystery for you. Not responding may seem rude, but responding will only embolden your fire, which you will want to avoid at all costs.
Examples of what a narcissist might randomly contact you with:
“Hey, I thought I just drove by. Have you been in town?”
“I just listen to our song on the radio, thinking about all the good times we had.”
“I heard you just lost your job. I hope you are well.”
[random text mixed] “Oops, my niece had my phone and must have sent you this message. So, how are you, anyway?”
“I just saw a new healthy food cafe come up on the road and I thought of you. Have you seen it?”
If you get that sick feeling in your stomach, despite how innocent the message is, respect it. Do not respond to the narcissist’s bullshit at any cost.
