You don’t have to wonder where your self-doubts came from if you had a narcissistic mother.
You’ve made it a point to learn to walk on eggshells and to second-guess yourself as you go.
Ever since you entered this world, you have been in danger. Harsh, but true.
When I was a little kid, I was an idealist. Everyone looked at you, cheered you on, and told your mother how beautiful you were. I got attention. I was its producer. She did a good job.
And then she started becoming a little person.
Your father can interact with you and your mother is excluded. You can do things yourself and express your feelings.
You are no longer an extension of your mother. It was no longer something she did well. The lights turned on you.
unacceptable! Mother will have none of this.
But she had to be secretive about it. After all, who would be jealous of their child?
You can’t say that out loud. So, my mother acted. She became secretly, but fiercely, competitive. The rest is history.
Unfortunately, the challenge of living with a narcissistic mother never ends.
Related: Why Narcissists Love Bomb You (And How To Recognize When It’s Happening)
#How to recognize your mother’s narcissistic behavior
I remember one hot summer evening when I was about 13 years old. My father was away fishing. That was his job. A smart guy, he found a way to get away from her for six months a year.
I was so upset that he left me to fend for myself with the monster all that time.
This is how I thought of my borderline/narcissistic mother. In my mind, it was “her”.
My father has been away and my mother and I are having a close bonding moment – at least, as close as ever. We were lying on my mother’s bed in the heat, and she lifted her leg, admiring the curves.
#The narcissistic mother must win
How stupid I am! I made the mistake of raising my leg and pointing out that my leg looked exactly like hers. Run the game. No, her leg was curvier, more graceful, more beautiful. And she won’t let her go. And I’m not pulling your leg!
Don’t even get me started on bra-size battles!
The narcissistic mother is a force of nature. She will cut you, wash you, and mistake you for being wet and bleeding. If you were her daughter, she would compete with you over even the smallest trivial detail.
You feel it constantly, but like a child, you want to please her. However, it seems that she will never be happy…unless she wins. One thing is certain: you will never win. She will withhold her love, acceptance, and approval of you so that she will always have power over you.
If you are her child, she wants your full attention. She wants you to see her as a standard for all the women in your life. When you start noticing girls, they demand your respect.
Related: 4 Personality Disorders Your Narcissistic Guy Probably Has
#Dating with a narcissistic mother
And when they start dating, everything blows up. No one will ever be good enough for you because no woman stands a chance by your side!
Of course, all this will be secret and underground. You’ll say one thing and do another. You will be shy about it. At times, almost flirtatious. Keeping you – and everyone else – in a state of confusion and chaos is her specialty!
You will never really know if your mother is a narcissist. This is a clinical diagnosis and narcissists do not go to psychiatric clinics. They are perfect. There is nothing wrong with them at all. So, you’ll never know if they fit the criteria or not.
That’s why I created the term Hijackals®. These are the difficult, toxic, and relentlessly annoying people in life. All drinkers come from the same set of traits, so it comes down to behaviors.
It doesn’t matter whether she’s narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, or antisocial. It’s kidnapping!
Related: Is My Husband Really ‘A Narcissist’ (Or Is He Just A Jerk)?
You can’t escape the “competition”
Starting early in life, you never had a chance to escape competition that you didn’t ask for. She was born into it and never knew anything different.
A narcissistic mother shapes you in ways that confuse and confuse you on many levels. But since she’s always right (and you don’t dare forget it!) you’re left with little choice. After all, you need it to survive.
You might ask, “Where was my father in all of this?” Well, it’s very possible that he was already defeated – just like I was – and found ways to escape. He worked too much, played too much, or slept too much. He knew that if he showed too much interest in you, Mom’s competitive streak would explode and it wouldn’t be pretty.
So, as much as he loved you, he feared her even more… if he still existed at all.
So, a narcissistic mother is dangerous, although often hidden. She’s cunning.
It puts a great face on the community. It seems to be the salt of the earth.
She proudly talks about you as if you are her property. People get worried but are usually fooled by her big displays of affection towards you in public (but never in private).
How did this affect you?
Related: When My Husband Said This To Our Marriage Counselor, I Knew He Was A Narcissist
