There are two types of narcissists in the world: overt and covert. They both crave attention and praise, but in different ways. An overt narcissist is a grandiose exhibitionist, extroverted in his behavior. The covert narcissist feels unworthy, lacks confidence, is full of self-doubt, and is more introverted.

As a result, a covert narcissist is not easy to spot. Covert narcissists are shy and therefore cunning in their actions. In fact, many of us won’t know them until we have a close relationship with them. However, there are strange things that covert narcissists do that help us identify them.

11 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

1. They steal your thunder
   One of the first strange things covert narcissists do is steal your thunder. The covert narcissist does not brag about his alleged accomplishments in the same way that the overt narcissist does. Overt narcissists demand that you pay attention to their latest story.

Covert narcissists love to jump on your bandwagon or hitch a ride on your bandwagon with their own outrageous tales. Whatever you say to them, they will complement it with something more exciting or entertaining. For example, if you’ve ever donated to a charity, they’ve completed an Ironman Challenge, raising thousands in the process.

2. They reveal their traumas early
   It doesn’t matter whether you’re a friend, a potential love interest, or a colleague. Talking about trauma early in a relationship is another weird thing that covert narcissists do.

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They are very open about past traumatic events after a short encounter. Covert narcissists have no problem recounting the most horrific details shortly after meeting you. They do this to gain your sympathy and trust.

3. They have a strange way of apologizing
   Narcissists don’t apologize because nothing is their fault. However, covert narcissists have a strange way of apologizing. It is often long, revolves around them, and is a way of explaining their unacceptable behavior. They will discuss how their life traumas have shaped them.

Make no mistake, they will tug at your heartstrings. That’s the point, of course. You will find that the apology will be too harsh for their actions, forcing you to empathize.

4. They won’t try anything new
   We all have food we don’t eat, or music we don’t like, but we’re not afraid to try something new to see if we like it or not. Covert narcissists refuse to try anything new.

They are picky about what they eat, the clothes they wear, the places they frequent, and even sex. Everything should be perfect for them to have regular vanilla sex, without any deviation at all.

5. They always put themselves in his place
   Shame and self-loathing occupy the minds of covert narcissists, so they will never grow the way overt narcissists do. Instead, they will be self-deprecating in the hope that you will provide them with compliments and messages of reassurance.

If you don’t get the cue when they put themselves down and give the desired response, they could explode with anger, and you’ll wonder what just happened.

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6. But they portray themselves as saints
   The covert narcissist is happy to tell you about all the times he or she has helped someone. Donating money, volunteering, building, crafting, or donating things to friends, family, or strangers. At first, they will impress you with their kindness and compassion. Of course, helping others is not a red flag.

But as you get to know them, they’ll start complaining about being taken for granted or unappreciated, and it all becomes a case of ‘poor me, I’m so good but it’s so hard to do’.

7. They use “black and white” thinking.
   One of the strange things that covert narcissists do is use extreme language or “black and white” thinking. For example, if something bothers them, you “always” do it or you “never care about them.” The world is incredible or hellish. Women are amazing or mean. There is no gray area or nuance with a covert narcissist.
8. They hold on to the smallest grudges
   Something you don’t remember becomes the focus of their anger in seconds. It’s as if they kept notes of all the little things you did wrong that upset them. Even if they said it wasn’t a problem and then moved on, they clearly didn’t. They may pretend to be okay with something, then come back to it months, if not years later.

This behavior occurs during the devaluation phase of a relationship with a narcissist. This is a gaslighting technique designed to make you feel insecure. You try to calm the narcissist and your efforts lead to him returning to his idealization stage again.

9. They are happy/unhappy with your success
   You may expect your partner to be happy with your success, and at first it seems as if he is. However, it will come at a cost. The enthusiasm shown toward you at first quickly turns into resentment, jealousy, and bitterness.

This is because covert narcissists feel intense envy of others’ talents, achievements, etc. So, while they may initially seem like they are your biggest supporter, they soon become angry and sullen until the focus returns to them again.

10. They are experts in passive aggressive behavior
    Many people are passive aggressive. However, this is one of the main weird things that covert narcissists do. Because of their low self-esteem, covert narcissists fear direct confrontation.

Therefore, they use passive aggressive tactics instead of dealing with conflict. They will avoid talking face to face but are happy to engineer situations to put you in the wrong. For example, they will deliberately tell you the wrong time to meet for dinner, and then scold you for being late.

11. They like to accuse you of being wrong
    Covert narcissists do not like to fight, however, they will stir up arguments by accusing you of something you did not do. This is another form of gaslighting, designed to make you question your memory or reality. It doesn’t matter if you stay calm and balanced.