Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could instantly communicate with anyone you wanted? Just imagine how much better your life will be. You will have no problem asking your boss for a raise. You will instantly bond with the first date. Family problems will be resolved. You will have super power!

I may be exaggerating a bit, but there is a good reason why our communication techniques need to improve.

“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it is happening.” – George Bernard Shaw

Whether you find it easy to connect with people or you’re a master of small talk, it doesn’t matter if building an instant rapport with others comes naturally to you or not. You may be a natural storyteller or you may find it very difficult to connect with others. Whatever your situation, we know that connecting with others is essential to our mental well-being.

But if you can’t communicate effectively, you won’t connect; Simply. So, with that in mind, I wanted to explore some science communication techniques.

Here are 11 easy-to-follow steps for better communication.

11 Communication techniques backed by science

1. Appear non-threatening
   Humans are biologically programmed to be wary of strangers. As such, we are always looking for signs that a person does not pose a threat. We love people who love us.

Before you open your mouth or are introduced, lower your chin (a raised chin indicates aggression), tilt your head and smile and stand or sit with your body at a slight angle.

2. Make eye contact
   I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time making eye contact while talking to someone. I can do that when I’m listening and no problem. The thing is that it is important to maintain eye contact to communicate with people.

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So I aim to look at the person for a few seconds in each sentence. I find this easier and also less threatening than staring.

3. Call them by their names
   When you meet someone new, learn their name and talk about them throughout the conversation. By doing this, you instantly create a personal bond. Even if you don’t get a chance to say his name during the conversation, remember to use it when you say goodbye.
4. Use similar language
   Listen to the style and types of words the person uses. The goal is to match their speech pattern. You want to keep up with their wavelength, and a quick way to do that is to imitate the way they speak. This means that you are from the same tribe and that you are friendly.
5. Mirror their body language
   Copying another person’s body language is one of the most proven and scientifically backed communication techniques. We unconsciously mirror the behavior of the people we love. By mirroring someone we don’t know well, we can unconsciously connect with them. It comes down to the survival instincts inherent in humans.
6. Let them tell their story
   “Silence is only frightening to people who compulsively speak.” -William S. Burroughs

Conversations are like transactions; One person says his piece and the other waits for his turn. However, more often than not, the person waiting does not listen, but formulates his own story, which he hopes will be better and more interesting.

Suspend your ego for a change and let the person tell their story without stealing their voice.

7. Be an intuitive listener
   “We never listen when we are eager to talk.” – François de La Rochefoucauld

We all know we should be good listeners, but what does that mean? Silence while the other person speaks? Do not interrupt? Let them tell their story like I said before? Well, all of the above and more.

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Good listening skills are about effectively absorbing what a person is saying and recognizing whether they want to expand on the topic or move on.

8. Don’t pretend you know what they’re talking about
   I was talking to a man I hadn’t seen in a while. I told him I was a writer and at the time was working on a project about the HAARP Institute. Oh yes, he said. I was surprised. Have you heard about it? He said yes, his eyes closed. I knew he didn’t do that, nor did many people do it, and I didn’t expect him to. He knew and I knew.

It would have been less embarrassing if he had said no and asked me about it.

9. Don’t assume they have the same knowledge you do
   “To communicate effectively, we must realize that we are all different in the way we view the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” -Anthony Robbins

We wander in our information bubbles, in the spheres of our reality and assume that everyone else has the same knowledge that we do. This is not the case. People have different backgrounds, educations, social groups, ideologies and are from different races and cultures.

We are all individuals with our own unique perspectives. Try to put yourself in the other person’s place.

10. Be truly curious
    Humans need to feel special and special. Why do you think so many people post selfies to get likes on social media? So wouldn’t it be nice if a friend really wanted to know what you’ve been up to? You have center stage for a few minutes and the spotlight is all yours.

We all love talking about ourselves, I know that’s my favorite topic! Shine a light on someone, but ask the questions you really want answers to.

11. Acknowledge and provide feedback
    “I began to notice where the audience laughed or clapped or showed more interest. I realized that a good speech is not a soliloquy but a dialogue.” – Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York

How do you know if a family member or boss is really reaching out to you? This happens when they acknowledge what you said and provide feedback. For example; You may remember a friend’s bad customer service story and instead of answering, “Oh,” the friend says, “That assistant was very rude, and I’m not surprised you got angry.”