Lies, deception, secrecy, and an unequal power structure lead to betrayal or love trauma. It doesn’t matter if you enter the relationship feeling confident in yourself and proud of your accomplishments.

By systematically applying a combination of seduction, arousal, and insanity techniques, the perpetrator—whether narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath—can quickly prepare to disempower his victim.

This grooming is extremely damaging to your self-esteem, self-image, and sense of security.

The malignant narcissist or psychopath does not share his power but rather dominates the girlfriend, wife, or partner and demands control. The victim’s reality is under the control of someone other than herself.

Related: 6 Harsh Reasons Why Smart People Stay In Toxic Relationships

Emotional and psychological abuse is used strategically and underlies all abusive relationships.

The abuser’s best interest is to keep you feeling as worthless and helpless as possible by manipulating your emotions. By not caring about your well-being or respecting your needs, not offering his strength or protection, and by becoming more controlling using jealousy, the narcissist sends the message “You’re not good enough” and “You need me.” .

Dr. Dina McMillan’s TED talk on detecting an abuser discusses ways to identify potentially abusive behavior before it occurs.

Feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness lead to low self-esteem, which translates into a woman feeling ugly, stupid, fat, or lazy, and even produces a poor body image even when the woman knows intellectually that she is none of these things.

Shame, fear and ambivalence overwhelm the victim. This leads to a host of disorders – addiction, depression, anger, eating disorders, anxiety, and suicide – all of which make you more vulnerable to the abuser’s manipulative tactics.

Related: The 7 Descents Into The Hell Of Narcissistic Abuse

After an abusive relationship, your normal love and compassion will turn into confusion, panic, and intense anxiety. Whether you were dumped, found the courage to leave, or finally escaped your abuser, you must remember that it will take time to shake off the narcissist’s hold on your heart.

It is important that you stay safe and prepare for the journey of healing your heart wound. Part of the work is accepting the truth about abuse and the tragic loss of love. The other part is saying goodbye to the lies, deception, debilitating shame, despair, and fear created by your narcissist.

Here are 11 sad but real signs that you are suffering from love trauma:

1. You can’t sleep through the night and/or you have bad dreams.
2. You can’t eat or you eat too much.
3. You are tired, stressed and stressed.
4. She cries more than ever, becomes reactive, apologetic, and skeptical about everything, and lacks trust even in “safe” people.
5. You have intrusive thoughts and images, memory problems, and problems communicating and concentrating.
6. You experience a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy.
7. You feel mad, shocked, ashamed, humiliated, and empty.
8. You indulge in feelings of despair, helplessness, exhaustion, loneliness and isolation.
9. Your mood goes from anxious, depressed, and feeling dirty and unattractive to feeling fearful, upset, angry, and angry.
10. You become self-doubting, self-loathing, and/or self-destructive.
11. You are obsessed with searching for clues about the relationship and the truth about the person you love.
    In the midst of great pain and suffering, our greatest challenge can become our greatest opportunity for transformative healing and change. Fear turns into faith, and love is eventually renewed.