All human relationships can be complex at times. The truth is that no one is perfect.
This means that most of us are capable of acting in slightly toxic ways from time to time.
This is especially true when we don’t get what we want, feel hurt, or feel threatened in some way.
But for others, this behavior becomes very common.
How do you know you are dealing with a toxic person?
Here are the red flags to watch out for…
1) They say harsh, harsh things
Most of us now know that words can definitely hurt – a lot!
Verbal abuse is still a form of abuse. Because in many ways words can be really violent.
While we are all capable of getting hurt from time to time with our words, pay attention if someone makes a habit of throwing them away.
If they are constantly attacking you, putting you down, or blaming you, that is unacceptable behavior.
Sometimes, those comments may be masked or disparaging.
For example, they may use humor as a mask. They could suggest that they are just joking or that you should be “less nervous.”
But even so, their sarcasm is still categorical. And making you the butt of their jokes still hurts.
2) They fly off the handle more often, and on the smallest things
This is a sign of anger issues.
Getting angry easily and spilling over into aggression indicates that they are struggling to control their temper.
Instead of accepting and taking ownership of their emotions, they may seek to blame them.
For example, it is almost always someone else who “makes them crazy” or an unfair circumstance or event that “makes them hurt.”
Their reaction often seems disproportionate to the trigger.
You don’t need to scream either.
Spelling, ignoring someone and giving the silent treatment is still a form of aggression, just more negative forms.
If someone feels permanently moody or mad, this is a sign of toxic behavior.
3) You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them
When someone seems prone to unreasonable behavior or outbursts, you may notice that you adapt your own behavior to accommodate them.
It’s impossible to be yourself.
Suddenly you are guessing and overthinking everything you say and do.
You worry about upsetting them or upsetting them.
You may avoid confronting them about problems and issues because they are not worth the repercussions.
This can create a lot of stress and pressure. You feel like you are walking on eggshells.
4) They are jealous, overprotective, or envious of you
Jealousy can manifest itself in different ways in different relationships.
In romantic relationships, it may appear as a regular jealous streak. It seems that your partner is very vigilant in “protecting” you from the attention of others.
We are all capable of falling into the trap of the little green-eyed monster once in a while, but this is so much more than that. Suspicion and mistrust drive away from their relationship.
This may lead to overprotective, accusatory behavior, or even controlling behaviour.
In friendships, jealousy can also be present, but it can look a little different. They may envy you – whether it’s what you have or what you achieve.
Perhaps this leads to bitter behaviour, or sneers in an attempt to quell their resentment.
5) They play mind games to control you
Of course, another word for mind games is emotional manipulation.
The point of the game is to try to use your emotions against you.
In this way, the other person seeks to subtly control you and make you behave the way he wants.
Mind games can involve everything from the classic dating tactic of “playing it hard” to more extreme forms of manipulation.
things like:
Mind manipulation
Refrain from certain things to try to punish you (such as affection or sex)
Trying to make you feel small or unimportant
Trying to make you jealous
Play on your fears
Trying to feel guilt or guilt
6) They are coercive and controlling
When toxic traits and mind games fester, so can their intensity.
When a toxic relationship turns really bad, someone may seek to completely control you.
Besides emotional manipulation, they may try to control certain aspects of your life.
For example, they may try to control your finances, who you can and cannot see, or what you wear.
There may be explicit or implicit rules that you are expected to follow.
The consequences of breaking these make you feel threatened.
Not necessarily violence, perhaps simply that the other person will leave your life if you don’t live up to their unreasonable terms.
7) They are excessively needy and clingy
Often, we expect controlling behavior to appear aggressive. So when he can’t fly under the radar.
Because in order to be in control, we mistakenly believe that someone has to take the upper hand through force.
But the truth is, the victim can be as controlling and manipulative as anger or violence.
If someone is clinging to choke, it is toxic behavior.
They may make you feel entirely responsible for their well-being. And this is a huge burden for you to bear.
One of my ex-boyfriends had an ex-girlfriend who was threatening violence against herself as a way to control him.
And it worked.
Before he was freed from this toxic person, he had slowly isolated himself from friends and family and left most of his own interests behind.
Her clinginess made him feel very guilty about having any independence whatsoever.
The moral of the story is that control and coercion come in many forms.
8) They are always looking for attention
Anyone who has been immersed in the endless drama of a toxic person will know how stressful it can become.
You might wonder why anyone would create drama on purpose. But for a toxic person, the drama and stress can translate to excitement.
Sometimes people feed off negative energy just as much as positive.
In an effort to generate a buzz around them, they may use a steady stream of attention-seeking strategies:
To be intentionally provocative
Hunting for compliments and praise
Exaggerating or making things up
Always looking for sympathy and pity
9) Everything is your fault and they are just the poor victim
When someone is stuck in a victim state, this is a sign of a toxic person.
They are unwilling or unable to assess their role in things, as well as their ability to change.
Unfortunately, it could mean that they have so little self-awareness that they are unable to take responsibility.
As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.
no one is perfect. So if someone acts like they’re not doing anything wrong, that’s a huge red flag.
No matter the nature of the quarrel or disagreement, they are always 100% convinced that it is entirely your fault.
They never say sorry or apologize, yet you always have to refer back to their good books.
10) You feel like you are talking to a brick wall
Often before I confront someone about something I like to save myself some trouble by asking:
Will they be able to hear me?
What I mean by that is, will they be able to absorb and think about what I’m telling them?
Because the unfortunate truth is that no matter how rational you are, how valid your point of view is, or how carefully you formulate it – some people just can’t seem to listen.
Sure, they might hear the words. But it does not sink.
In most cases, it’s not really about listening, it’s about self-awareness again.
Because when someone has a lack of self-awareness, talking to them about issues can feel like a waste of your breath.
It goes in one ear and out the other.
Their protective ego that seeks to defend them is very fragile, and thus is incapable of receiving any feedback of any kind, no matter how well-intentioned.
11) You feel bad about yourself whenever you are around them
Here need:
No one else is responsible for our feelings. They are ours and ours alone.
But there is no denying that the company you keep can either lift you up or drag you down.
Being around constant negativity is a real drain on your energy reserves.
Moreover, if they regularly criticize or punish you, it is no wonder that this makes you feel frustrated.
Regardless of whether someone is completely toxic or not, we should pay attention to how we feel around them.
If spending time with someone makes you feel bad, it’s wise to look for ways to protect yourself.
Your gut is often a good clue as to whether someone is a toxic person that you need to stay away from.
