If you’re not happy, leave.
You can’t take it!
You can’t stay with someone who’s abusive.
You need to end your relationship today.
It seems easy to some, doesn’t it?
Women stay with abusive men every day, even though they know they’re abusive.
The question many ask is… why?!
I hope these 11 reasons will help many of you who may be going through this…
…quickly.
Very Frequently
It’s a story I hear a lot.
I can’t leave him.
Then come the reasons, some of which are truly terrifying.
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It’s not our responsibility to question or judge why women stay with abusive men, but it is my responsibility to tell you why they do.
Women Stay With Abusive Men: Here Are 11 Reasons Why
- They’re told they’re worthless
When someone is told daily that they’re worthless, it will eventually become their reality.
Not only will they feel worthless, but they will act that way.
Everything they do will be based on this ingrained feeling, and that includes knowing when to leave an abusive situation.
It’s a major reason women stay with abusive men, but I can’t stress enough how damaging it is to believe this.
No one is worthless. How could they be? But believing your abuser comes in several different ways:
They isolate you so you can’t find anyone to contradict you.
They might demand that you quit your job so you can’t have professional relationships either.
They criticize you to the point that everything you say or do isn’t true.
They tell you how incapable you are of cooking, cleaning, or presenting yourself—the list goes on.
They control your thoughts and emotions through manipulation.
- Intimidation
Intimidation is outright bullying, right? But there are subtle ways an abuser intimidates, and it doesn’t have to be loud or aggressive.
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Slamming doors
Throwing things around the room
Standing in a way that crowds or blocks their personal space
Acting as if they’re about to explode at any moment
The silent treatment
Direct threats
Screaming/rage/temper tantrums
This is all bullying, and it’s meant to keep you on their side. They want to remind you that they’re powerful, and that you have to do what they say or you’ll get into trouble.
- Lack of other options
Having nowhere else to go is a real problem for many women in abusive relationships.
With the rising cost of living globally and no end in sight, this becomes an issue when it comes to people staying where they shouldn’t be.
There are dozens of charities ready and willing to help women trapped with abusive men, but the thought of having to talk about what’s happening and make it a reality can put many off.
- Fear of Independence
When your independence has been taken away from you during an abusive relationship, it’s hard to know where to start when you consider tackling life on your own.
You need me!
You’ll never make it on your own!
You need help so badly you can’t survive on your own.
Hearing statements like these will ultimately have a profound impact on abuse victims. Their fear of leaving stems from their lack of belief in their ability to build a life for themselves.
This is one of those cases where the impossible is just a matter of thinking.
- They Have a Desire to Help or Fix
It’s natural to want to fix someone who’s broken if that’s where you found your value as a child.
This is where people-pleasing traits begin to emerge in most people. As they grow into adulthood, they seek out people who need fixing so they can find their purpose in that relationship.
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Many women do this—and that’s why they stay.
- The Trauma Bond
An abused person will always be connected to their abuser, especially during relationships that involve cycles.
Think of a cycle as ebbs and flows. One moment, the tide is rising, and the next, it’s falling.
It doesn’t stay the same, but it’s a familiar pattern that people anticipate and even plan for.
This is like the cycle of abuse. And that’s what women stay for. They wait for things to get better, and each time they do, they think everything will be okay forever.
But it never gets better.
- Children: The Fear of Losing Them
Children caught in toxic relationships suffer a lot. If the woman is the victim, it’s only natural to want to protect them.
Her options are:
Do I leave and risk him filing for partial or full custody, so I can’t be with them half the time or more, or do I stay?
Do I leave and risk my child turning against me and blaming me for the breakup, or do I stay?
It’s not necessarily an either/or, but the panic women feel will overwhelm them and push them to move on from the unhealthy relationship.
- Oblivious to Abuse
It’s funny how something so horrific can quickly become a normal part of someone’s life.
Because you have nothing to compare it to, keep going. And because the familiar and toxic is better than the strange and safe, keep going.
Not recognizing abuse doesn’t diminish it; it allows it to continue as long as possible.
- No One Will Believe It
Women often stay for fear that no one will believe them if they leave or seek help. This is where the abuser paints a picture very different from the one they paint at home.
Making it difficult gives women no hope at all; they simply find it easier to stay where they are and continue to be abused.
- Religious Purposes
Religion, culture, and beliefs are deeply rooted in many beliefs and walks of life, and it’s never my job or opinion to judge anyone in this way.
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In some walks of life, marriage is an assumed role for women to assume and value. Not only that, but love, honor, and obedience are taken seriously by some people, regardless of their background or beliefs.
So, leaving them would cause injustice or embarrassment to the entire family, so the women stay.
- Love
But I love him.
Love is not abuse and pain; it’s the exact opposite. What victims don’t understand here is that it’s attachment, and it’s very difficult to break these bonds of attachment when there’s little or no support or awareness.
Love is not abuse, and abuse is no reason to stay.
