If you’re not happy, leave.
You can’t take it!
You can’t stay with someone who’s abusive.
You need to end your relationship today.
It seems easy to some, doesn’t it?
Women stay with abusive men every day, even though they know they’re abusive.
The question many ask is… why?!
I hope these 11 reasons will help many of you who may be going through this…
…quickly.
Very Frequently
It’s a story I hear a lot.
I can’t leave him.
Then come the reasons, some of which are truly terrifying.
Related : 13 Painful Lessons You Need To Learn From Narcissists
It’s not our responsibility to question or judge why women stay with abusive men, but it is my responsibility to tell you why they do.
Women Stay With Abusive Men: Here Are 11 Reasons Why
- They’re told they’re worthless
When someone is told daily that they’re worthless, it will eventually become their reality.
Not only will they feel worthless, but they will act that way.
Everything they do will be based on this ingrained feeling, and that includes knowing when to leave an abusive situation.
It’s a major reason women stay with abusive men, but I can’t stress enough how damaging it is to believe this.
No one is worthless. How could they be? But believing your abuser comes in several different ways:
They isolate you so you can’t find anyone to contradict you.
They might demand that you quit your job so you can’t form professional relationships.
They criticize you to the point that everything you say or do isn’t true.
They tell you how incapable you are of cooking, cleaning, or presenting yourself—the list goes on.
They control your thoughts and emotions through manipulation.
- Intimidation
Intimidation is outright bullying, right? But there are subtle ways an abuser intimidates, and it doesn’t have to be loud or aggressive.
Slamming doors.
Throwing objects around the room.
Standing in a way that crowds or obstructs personal space.
Acting as if they’re about to explode at any moment.
The silent treatment.
Direct threats.
Yelling/angering/temper tantrums.
It’s all bullying, and its goal is to keep you under control. They want to remind you that they’re powerful, and that you must do what they say or you’ll get into trouble.
- Lack of Other Options
Having nowhere else to go is a real problem for many women in abusive relationships.
With the rising cost of living globally and no end in sight, this becomes an issue when it comes to people staying where they shouldn’t be.
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
There are dozens of charities ready and willing to help women stuck with abusive men, but the idea of having to speak out and make it a reality can put many off.
- Fear of Independence
When your independence has been taken away from you during your abusive relationship, it’s hard to know where to start when you think about tackling life on your own.
You need me!
You’ll never survive on your own!
You desperately need those around you.
Hearing phrases like these will negatively impact victims of abuse. Their fear of leaving stems from their lack of belief in their ability to build a life for themselves.
See also: Will Narcissists Stop Lying?
This is one of those cases where the impossible is nothing more than a manipulation of the mind.
- They Have a Desire to Help or Fix
It’s natural to want to fix someone who’s broken if that’s where you found your value as a child.
This is where people-pleasing traits kick in for most people. As they grow into adulthood, they seek out people who need fixing so they can find their purpose in that relationship.
Many women do this—and that’s why they stay.
- The Trauma Bond
The abused person will always be connected to their abuser, especially during relationships that involve cycles.
Think of a cycle as an ebb and flow. One moment, the current is flowing, and the next, it’s receding.
It’s not the same, but it’s a familiar pattern that people anticipate and even plan for.
This is similar to the cycle of abuse. And this is what women stay for. They wait for things to get better, and every time they do, they think everything will be okay forever.
But it never gets better.
- The Children: The Fear of Losing Them
Children in toxic relationships suffer a lot. If the woman is the victim, it’s natural to want to protect them.
Her options are:
Do I go and risk him filing for partial or full custody, so I can’t be with them half the time or more, or do I stay?
Do I go and risk my child turning against me and blaming me for the breakup, or do I stay?
It’s not necessarily either/or, but the panic a woman feels will overwhelm her and push her to move on from the unhealthy relationship.
- Ignoring the Abuse
It’s funny how something so horrible can quickly become a normal part of someone’s life.
Because you have nothing to compare it to, you stay. And because the familiar and toxic is better than the unknown and safe, you stay.
Related : 13 Toxic Phrases Narcissists Use To Destroy Your Confidence
Ignoring abuse doesn’t diminish it; it allows it to continue for as long as possible.
- No one will believe it
Women often stay because they fear that no one will believe them if they leave or seek help. This is where the abuser paints a picture very different from the one they paint at home.
Making it difficult to assert themselves gives women no hope at all, and as a result, they find it easier to stay where they are and continue to be abused.
- Religious Purposes
Religion, culture, and beliefs are deeply rooted in many beliefs and walks of life, and it is not my job or opinion to judge anyone in this way.
Related : 17 Signs You Dealt With Narcissistic Abuse as a Kid
In some walks of life, marriage is an assumed role for women to assume and value. Not only that, but love, honor, and obedience are taken seriously by some, regardless of your origin or beliefs.
So, leaving might cause injustice or embarrassment to the entire family, so the woman stays.
- Love
But I love him.
Love is not abuse and pain; it’s the exact opposite. What victims fail to understand here is that it’s attachment, and it’s very difficult to break these bonds of attachment when there’s little or no support or awareness.
Love is not abuse, and abuse is no reason to stay.
