Just once, can they just do nothing?
Why do narcissists always have to be busy, or agitating, or growing up, or blaming, or imagining things?
Why don’t they just leave us alone?
Life would be more peaceful, don’t you agree?
But with narcissists, they need to cause some kind of problem in order to make themselves feel better.
And I have 11 reasons why narcissists do all these things to prove how they do it.
What’s Their Problem?
They hate themselves and want you to feel as miserable as they feel inside.
I hope that’s clear enough for you, because that’s what all narcissistic behavior boils down to.
No one goes out looking for an abusive relationship.
Abusive relationships come to you.
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They come to good people who have a history of low self-esteem and extreme vulnerability. They look for the most compassionate and kind, because these are the people most likely to forgive and forget.
Their problem is the need and desire to destroy people’s lives, pushing and pulling them around like puppets in a play.
So these are the things they do?
They’re standard narcissistic ploys to start the abuse they’ve set up for you.
1 They Want a Reaction
Narcissists live for your reaction, and they fight every day to see it come out of you.
For this to happen, what needs to happen is a certain level of conflict, usually at the expense of your well-being.
They will provoke you, motivate you, and tempt you into responding to their bad behavior, while protesting their innocence.
The result is the same:
You get blamed for your reaction to their bad behavior, instead of highlighting their bad behavior.
It doesn’t seem right or fair, does it?
But that’s how all narcissists operate.
You have to take a stand and say that this isn’t true.
2 They Want Attention
Attention is one of the things that narcissists can’t live without.
Think of them like a toddler learning to regulate their emotions. If they call for mom or dad and no one answers, they’ll scream. They might throw something or stomp their feet.
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It’s not uncommon for children to experiment with how to communicate early in development, but normal, healthy people grow out of it.
Narcissists act this way their entire lives, even though they hide their attitudes well to the right people.
This is a level of control that confirms that what they are doing is abuse—they are manipulating their target audience.
If they want attention, they will get it.
Look at me, and how important I am.
Look at my car, or my latest vacation photo.
Look at the promotion I got at work.
Check out my new expensive hobby.
It’s the same thing, over and over again. All it does is prove that they can’t just be themselves without the need to impress or generate some amount of attention.
3 Splitting
Splitting is like a win-win for a narcissist. What’s even more threatening to them is noticing some kind of alliance in their inner circle.
Someone has gotten a little too effusive with someone else, and all they see is an army.
They’re going to find out!
I need to put a stop to this!
And there you have it.
The split begins, and you end up becoming the bad guy of the entire story.
Narcissists thrive when others fall apart. The main focus will be on the situation, “This is terrible, look what’s happening,” while the narcissist maintains the utmost innocence.
4 To win!
That’s the whole point, right?
Narcissists want to win at everything they do. If that means hurting people, they have to take it into account. If it means using others to get what they want, they’re ahead.
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These people are only happy when they have all the control, and trust me, that happens as often as possible.
5 They hate themselves
It’s no surprise that narcissists can’t stand their reflection when they look in the mirror.
It reminds them of all their failures and flaws, and how they can’t survive unless they suck the happiness out of people like you.
6 They can’t stand your success
If you’re doing well in life, it’s best to just keep quiet about it. The alternative is to tell the narcissist all the amazing things you’ve accomplished, and watch their reaction become a huge problem for you.
Yes, there is the option of ignoring them when they pretend, but do you really need them to pretend?
Many people have learned over time to withhold information from the narcissists in their lives because they know they will fail.
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From jealousy to outright anger – narcissists are born to destroy.
And they will!
7 To Smear Your Name
Smear campaigns are a cruel and calculated way to bring down and burn an innocent name, all for the sake of revenge, punishment, and reasserting their alleged power.
When someone falls victim to a smear campaign, you can expect them to:
Talk about them.
Listen to the lies told about them.
Have the people they once loved and felt supported scatter like flies because they chose to believe the narcissist.
Be treated differently by mutual friends.
It’s horrific to be the target of a smear campaign, and it can be truly devastating.
I’ve seen the damaging effects of it firsthand – but this is standard narcissistic behaviour.
You don’t have to conform.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
8 Portraying Themselves as the Victim
If a narcissist can portray themselves as the victim, they won’t have to worry about taking the blame for anything.
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That’s what they really want.
Their innocence will be your downfall, as the finger is pointed at you.
It’s the worst power play.
9 It’s “theirs” entitlement
Entitlement is the middle name for all narcissists. They just feel like everything is their God-given right to own, including you.
They want to have it all, to be treated with respect (even if they never return it), and to be given special treatment all the time.
Life doesn’t work that way, but in the mind of a narcissist, it’s normal!
10 Control
I personally never live my life as if I want to control anything other than what I do and how I act.
Why would anyone take that advantage away from others?
Narcissists love to do this because it gives them more control. If you can’t think for yourself, they’ll think for you. The problem is, you can think for yourself. They’re just programming you to think you can’t.
11 Manipulation
…and trust me—it can be really insidious.
Narcissists don’t want you to be the emotionally organized person you were when they first met you. And because you’re kind, you’ll always give them the benefit of the doubt.
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Manipulation might look like this:
“You’re the only person I can count on.”
“You made me do this!”
“You’re completely irrational.”
“If you leave me, I’ll ruin your life.”
“If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself.”
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“Someone thinks I’m great. Why can’t you be more like them?”
“You’re worthless.”
“Who else would want you?”
These and many more are designed to manipulate you into feeling a certain way about yourself, or about the people in your world.
All of these are warning signs.
