Narcissists want your life to revolve around them.

They want you to want them, make them a priority, become their friend, and most of all – make them feel good about themselves.

One way they ensure this is by making you lose confidence in yourself.

You must do your best so that this does not happen!

In this article, I’ll give you 11 phrases a narcissist uses to lower your self-confidence (and what else you can say).

1) “Sure, if you say so…”

He said, shrugging his shoulders and raising an eyebrow, of course.

This translates to: “I’m sure it’s a bad idea but well… go ahead and prove me wrong!”

If you come with ideas and plans that they don’t approve of, they will make you doubt yourself by saying that line.

It’s their way of making you think your plans are patently stupid. After all, they’re sure it won’t be great.

Pay me close attention. They likely have their own personal reasons why they stop you (or don’t support you) from pursuing things.

What to say again:

“Well, no one can be 100% sure of anything, but I owe it to myself to at least try.”

2) “Oh! You really want to make your life complicated!”

Narcissists want to attack your self-confidence by attacking your character, especially if you have evidence of your “failures.”

They will remind you that you are not the wisest and that you always get yourself into trouble.

They will point out how you make rash decisions because you don’t know how to “listen to them” (aka follow their orders).

It always works because narcissists know how to say it with such confidence that if you doubt yourself even a little bit, you’ll stop and say, “Yes, it doesn’t matter. You’re right.”

What to say again:

“I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but everyone makes them. While some of them have made my life complicated, I have to keep trying.

3) “You don’t want to fail again, do you?”

This is similar to the above, but a little more annoying because it’s more direct.

Let’s say you want to date again and they want you to stay single for some reason, they’ll say “You don’t want to be taken advantage of by a guy again, do you?”

And if you want to find another job and they want you to stay, they’ll say something like, “Are you sure? Because you have this pattern of jumping from one job to another!”

They may seem worried, but they’re really more worried about themselves.

Narcs use this phrase when they’re really desperate. That’s why, if you hear this line, it’s important for you to ask yourself, “Why don’t they support me now?”

What to say again:

“I would rather fail again than stay in the same place. Thank you for your interest.”

4) “All this just for this?!”

Let’s say you put in a lot of effort to achieve something, maybe an article, a painting, or a website.

They will make sure you never feel satisfied with your accomplishments!

Sometimes, they’ll say it in a serious tone, but most of the time, they’ll make it seem like they’re just joking, so it won’t be too obvious that they’re messing with your self-esteem.

Deep down, the narc is threatened that you will realize what you are capable of and fly away from him.

What to say again:

“I’m so happy with what I’ve done so far. I hope you’re happy for me too!

5) “You’re the best!”

This can make your heart melt if said in an honest way. But with a touch of sarcasm? Not much!

Because this translates to: “You’re definitely not the best.”

Narcissists say this so you’ll start wondering, “Am I really the best?” And of course, this will make you realize that you are not.

But the thing is, your goal wasn’t to become the best, anyway. I just wanted to do something!

What to say again:

“Okay thank you. Honestly, I still don’t think I’m that good, but I will be. wink

6) “I’ve always been __.”

If you make hasty decisions that they don’t like – for example, that you want to accept a scholarship in Europe – they will say “Not so fast. Think about it carefully. “I’ve always been driven.”

If you want to quit your day job and pursue your passion, they’ll say, “Are you sure? Well, I’ve always been happy-go-lucky and impractical.”

They say it like they really know you to the core and are just trying to protect you from yourself.

Nah. Narcissists usually do this so that you will not be outdone by them and will remain trapped in their claws.

What to say again:

“I know. And to be honest, I’m okay with where I am. The worst that could happen is that I go back to zero, and I’m okay with that.”

7) “You’re not thinking straight. You’re too emotional right now.”

This line is used by narcs to gaslight you and make you doubt ho you handle situations.

Maybe you have an argument. The moment your eyes cry, they will use that to invalidate what you say.

Or if you use your heart to make decisions, they will tell you that you are making stupid decisions because you are still sad, in love, or angry.

By saying that you are too emotional, they are saying that the things you do and say are invalid because you are not thinking with a clear mind.

What to say again:

“I may be emotional, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use my head. But if you’d rather discuss this matter again, then sure let’s do so.”

8) “But what makes you so sure you’ll succeed this time?”

We can never be 100% sure of anything, and that can be scary if you really think about it. Everything comes with risk and the possibility of failure.

But when this is uttered by a narc, it becomes ten times scarier because it is so frightening and convincing.

They say this so that you will be pressured to prove yourself. That alone is exhausting to think about.

And if you already suffer from low self-confidence, this may be what convinces you not to go after the things you want.

What to say again:

“I just feel it!”

9) “Are you sure you’re not wasting your time?”

Even the most confident person will stop and think twice when asked this question.

Of course we can never be sure that we are not wasting our time when we are pursuing something. We have to do that first to find out!

But the narration will make you feel like you’re actually wasting time.

Because it is not a question. It’s actually a statement that says “I’m sure you’re wasting your time.”

Then it will make you anxious and think that you are actually wasting your valuable time and you should do something else.

What to say again:

“I’ll find out. The good thing is that I still have a lot of time to waste!”

10) “Are you having some kind of crisis?”

When you talk to a narc, they absorb all your joy.

Well, that is if they don’t like your plans because they don’t benefit them in any way.

If you tell them that you plan to marry your partner and travel the world, they will ask, “Are you sure you’re not having a midlife crisis?”

Or a quarter-life crisis or any existential crisis.

This way, you will lose confidence in how you make decisions and postpone your plans.

What to say again:

“Ah, what a question. Of course not! You?”

11) “Since you don’t want my advice, you want it!”

Translation: “Don’t expect me to save you if you fail. I’ve already warned you that it’s a bad idea!”

This can be especially scary if we are dependent on the narc, as if your parents were still supporting you financially.

They say this phrase to make fun of you for your “carefree” attitude.

Why?

Because they want you to always take them into account when making decisions!

What to say again:

“Ah, don’t say that. I’ll go to you for advice when I need it. Right now, I have to do this to see what’s out there.”

How to protect yourself from a narcissistic person

• Examine potential outbursts in your life so you know whose words you should not take seriously.
• When you hear the lines above, think, “What do they really want me to do?”
• Read more about narcissistic behaviors.
• Do things that can boost your self-confidence daily.
• Stay away from a narcissist when you are making important decisions and exploring new things.
• Don’t share too much. If they say the above statements, don’t try to change their mind or get defensive. Just answer them quickly and then talk about something else.
• Don’t make it a goal to prove the narcissist wrong. You will never win. The only person you should try to convince is yourself.

Final words

Narcissists are very cunning.

You may think that their words are “just words,” but words are actually one of their best tools for influencing the way you think and act.

So when they say something — especially if they’re trying to attack your confidence — just let their words go in one ear and out the other.

They can’t influence you if you don’t let them.