Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths can inflict long-term damage on their victims. Their emotional and verbal abuse, coupled with their cruel and persistent attempts at sabotage, can drive their victims to self-destruction and suicide. For part one of this series, here are five ways these secret saboteurs can sneak into your life and try to ruin it:

1. Survey campaigns.
   Secret predators like these will spread lies to discredit you or discredit you to others. This is a form of gaslighting aimed at managing your image in the public eye to ensure that no one believes you are being abused. The abuser works overtime to portray you as the aggressor in order to escape accountability for his or her actions.

The basis of all smear campaigns is character assassination. Malignant narcissists preemptively strike with personal attacks in an attempt to upset you and tarnish your good name because they feel pathologically envious or threatened. Smear campaigns can also be launched in contexts outside romantic relationships; It can spread in the workplace, in friendship circles, through the media, as well as within extended families. It is not uncommon, for example, for a pathologically envious sociopathic coworker to provide his bosses with misleading information about hardworking colleagues in order to eliminate them as a “threat” when climbing the corporate ladder. When narcissists infiltrate the upper echelons of power, they have the ability to wreak even more devastation by sabotaging those they see as competitors.

As Joe Navarro, a former FBI profiler, wrote in his book Dangerous Personalities, “Narcissists can reach heights in high-power or high-trust professions, where transgressions and abuses of power can have devastating consequences.” When You Have a Police Officer who lies, cheats, and steals; a health professional who believes he or she is the arbiter of who lives or dies; a coach who sexually abuses children they trust, the potential for harm increases dramatically.

Smear campaigns can be launched by telling blatant lies about the victim, spreading rumors or “suggestions” questioning the victim’s safety with an air of false concern, or even fabricating false evidence to isolate the victim from outside support.

One survivor, Molly, shared with me her harrowing story of how her narcissistic partner tried to stage his own death to frame her and spread lies about her sanity. she writes:

“He put a gun to his head and said he was going to kill himself, and he was going to make it look like murder to make sure I was responsible if I didn’t shoot myself next. He was telling his family and our close friends that we had true love, but behind my back he was telling them I was crazy and suicidal.” “And he was doing his best to help me. I was never suicidal. All of this caused my close friends and family to lose all trust in me and completely cut me off from the outside world. I was limited to eating one meal a day while breastfeeding our newborn.”

Tips when facing a smear campaign

If you are met with any kind of smear campaign, stick to the facts. Although it may be difficult, try not to become emotionally reactive in public – narcissists will use your emotional reactions against you to paint you as the “crazy” person. Present facts only if they are met with unwarranted accusations. Focus on any legal consequences you could have against a narcissist through a smear campaign; Carefully document evidence of the narcissist’s abuse whenever possible if you need to build a case. Research your state’s defamation laws and, if necessary, seek help from an attorney familiar with high-conflict personalities.

Create a healthy support network that encourages you through difficult times — ideally, one that includes a trauma-informed therapist who understands personality disorders. This support network should consist of trustworthy people who support you – not those who enable or prop up the narcissist. You don’t want to be further blamed, invalidated, or re-traumatized while facing a smear campaign.

2. Creating dependency through intermittent reinforcement and love bombing.
   It is common for predatory individuals to create a misplaced sense of dependency and devotion in their victims when they initially turn into everything their victims could want, only to turn into their worst nightmares. Dependency makes you vulnerable to exploitation and abuse for the narcissist’s agenda. Once you become dependent on them for anything, whether it be emotional support or financial assistance, you will become even more helpless in your ability to leave them.

Malignant narcissists begin their relationships with excessive amounts of contact, praise, flattery, and attention – known as love bombing. They use love bombing to groom their victims into investing in an artificial future together – a future they never set out to achieve. Love bombing is especially effective when the victim is still recovering from a loss, trauma, or emptiness of some kind. As Dr. Archer notes, “The dopamine rush of new romance is much stronger than it would be if the target had a healthy self-image, because the love rush fills a need that the target cannot satisfy on its own.”

Once their victims become addicted enough, they push them away from the norm, making their victims work even harder to try and regain the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Periodically, they will continue to give their victims “leftovers” from the idealization phase. This is what psychologists call “intermittent reinforcement” of positive rewards to elicit a response in the victim (Skinner, 1937). When the victim is about to leave, the abuser pounces with the “nice guy” or “nice girl” act, making the victims doubt themselves and the true nature of their attackers.

Malignant narcissists want to make sure their victims believe they can only receive support and comfort from them. In this way, their victims remain trapped in the cycle of abuse. Victims become chemically and psychologically addicted to their abusers through intermittent reinforcement. This form of narcissistic dependence also has the effect of isolating the victim and sabotaging any outside relationships. Being with a narcissist is no different than being in a one-man cult, and research shows that those who leave cults are more likely to do so when they have a connection or connection to the outside world (Rousselet, et al. 2017).

Tips to avoid excessive dependency

If you have a habit of being overly dependent on others in relationships, it is important that you learn how to enjoy your own company and become independent before entering into a committed relationship of any kind. Whenever you enter into a new relationship, friendship, or business partnership, slow down the pace of the relationship; Try to get as much information as possible about a person’s behavioral patterns over a period of time before making any kind of major investment – whether it’s agreeing to a relationship or investing in a company. Try to remain as independent as possible – emotionally and financially, during the early stages. It is very difficult for a narcissist to bombard you with love for a long period of time without their mask eventually slipping, and it is much harder for them to get trapped in a cycle of abuse when you are already coming from a separate place. . Trust patterns on single actions or sublime words.

3. Lying to stay ahead.
   Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are pathological liars. They lie because it provides them the ability to stay one step ahead of the game. As Dr. George Simon asserts, “Malignant, manipulative narcissists lie to stay one step ahead of you. They engage in a constant dance of positioning to gain advantage. They want you to be in the dark or second guess yourself. They don’t want you to have their number. They don’t want you to know who they really are nor what they’re really up to. They seek only power, dominance and control. Lying enables this. “It gives them an advantageous position.”

Lies can be outright or they can be told with a great deal of omission. As Donna, another survivor of narcissistic abuse, describes, “The sneakiest way a covert narcissist abused me was by obfuscation! I never presented all the facts so it was never a complete lie, but it left me feeling like there was something missing in the story.”

Pathological deception like this is common among sociopathic leaders in the business world. For example, CEO Elizabeth Holmes defrauded investors out of billions of dollars for a popular blood-testing startup, Theranos, whose technology delivered none of its promise. She was able to cultivate relationships with some of the richest and most influential people in the world using her charisma and charm, leading some investors to hand over millions of dollars to a company that put the health of others at risk. It was said that she was faking her voice to sound more dominant. Her prolific lies, combined with the strength of her lying personality, enabled her to get away with fraud for a long period of time.

Narcissists create these types of elaborate lies not only to commit financial fraud, but also to engage in emotional scams. It is very common for them to live a double life and hide multiple affairs. They are prone to lying and exaggerating their integrity and character as well. Their deception can also manifest itself in more bizarre ways, such as faking an illness. They may feign illness to gain sympathy, emotional gratification, or have an excuse to avoid responsibility for their behavior. For example, a narcissistic mother may have a habit of claiming that she has migraines whenever her adult children try to confront her about her verbal abuse and suddenly leaving the room. This is a form of deceptive stonewalling that allows her to avoid any kind of dialogue that challenges her. A psychopathic predator may claim to be mentally ill at the time of the murder, to lessen the impact of criminal charges.

Other narcissistic individuals may use their fabricated illnesses as a form of control and sabotage, as an excuse to mistreat others. “My father pretends to have hyperacusis,” Stephanie, who survived a narcissistic father, tells me. “This is a hearing condition associated with extreme sensitivity to noise. He uses this to control everyone from servers to CEOs. If someone makes a noise, he acts like he has hyperacusis.” “Extreme pain and then unleashed on the unsuspecting victim. He has filed formal complaints to get people fired. His aides still believe he suffers from this condition. I witnessed him when he didn’t know. It’s a hoax.”

Tips for dealing with pathological liars

Do not give your blind trust to anyone unless they show you the stability of their character over time. It is best to remain neutral and take into account inconsistencies and red flags. Be wary of anyone who “feeds” you the truth, giving you only part of the truth while leaving out important details. If you’re particularly prone to gaslighting, I recommend keeping a journal to help you keep track of any information you don’t add when meeting a new partner, friend, or employer. This will help you stay true to your inner instincts and guidance.

Additionally, when confronting someone who you suspect is a pathological liar, let him tell his version of events first so you can see whether he is telling the truth or not. Don’t let them know that you have contradictory information that will expose them if they are violent or aggressive. Instead, separate, make a safety plan, and cut ties as soon as possible. Taking the position of an observer, rather than automatically accusing them, will actually give you more information about their character in the long run — essentially, whether they’re willing to be transparent even if they don’t know you have proof of their lies.

4. False promises and dangling a carrot before deceiving you.
   Predatory manipulators make grandiose promises that they cannot keep. They may promise you the marriage of your dreams, a family, financial support, or if they are an employer, they may promise you the perfect career path – whatever they think you want most. These false promises dangle a brighter future – as long as you meet the narcissist’s needs first. It is important to remember that with any type of fakery or future promise, the narcissist has rigged the game so that you are set up to fail while he wins.

False promises are common among deceitful sociopaths, especially when it comes to financial matters. Here are just a sampling of the many ways survivors have told me how these broken promises put them in financial jeopardy:

Tips to resist false promises

Take any promises in the early stages of a relationship with a grain of salt. Unless someone has shown you over a long period of time that they are someone who sticks to their word, don’t take them at their word. Avoid signing contracts, making personal loans, living together, or agreeing to “split the bill” on any large purchases if you suspect you are dealing with a toxic person. Get a divorce financial planner if you’re planning to divorce a narcissist (and avoid telling him what you plan to do until you’re safely out of the relationship). Remember, they are not playing fair. You are not dealing with an ordinary person looking out for your best interest.

5. Gaslight to control your reality and exhaust you mentally.
   Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality. When a narcissist attacks you, they may engage in crazy arguments where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and reason. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to wear you down to the point where you are unable to resist. Instead of finding ways to healthily separate from this toxic person, your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what you have experienced are sabotaged.

Gaslighting can take many forms – from questioning your mental health status to directly challenging your life experiences. The narcissistic partner may convince her boyfriend that she is “imagining” things when she comes home late from work because she is having an affair with a co-worker. A sociopathic mother may taunt her daughter and bully her with horrific insults, only to say, “I never said that,” when her daughter confronts her later. A psychopathic manager may trick you into believing that your complaints about the way you have been mistreated at the company are a result of being “too sensitive” and not a result of company biases. They may urge you to be patient while not providing the benefits they initially promised. As Dr. Robin Stern describes in her book The Gaslight Effect, “The ‘good guy’ finds a way to make it seem like he’s doing everything you want without giving you what you really want.”

Survivor Annie described to me her amazing gaslighting experience: “When we would get into an argument and I would back up my side with facts, he would take those facts and spin them in so many circles that by the end of the argument he was able to use some of those facts for himself and left me feeling lost and ‘mad.’ I would walk away and ask myself how I thought it was a good argument in the first place.