You’ve just had the best sex of your life when your partner pulls away, sneaks into the mirror, and starts admiring himself, saying how great he is in bed and how lucky you are to experience his prowess.
His self-absorption makes you feel insignificant and objectified, as if your experience was just serving his ego, ignoring your needs and emotions.
If this scenario sounds familiar, you’ve been sleeping with a narcissist. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the chances of it leading to a caring or loving relationship are slim.
Narcissists have a different approach to sex than most people, often using it as a tool of manipulation rather than a form of intimacy, which can lead them to do some weird things in the bedroom.
10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually
Narcissists don’t associate sex with love and intimacy, but rather view it solely in terms of their own gratification, power, and influence.
They are thrill seekers who happily engage in sexual relationships with multiple partners, rarely stopping to think about how their behavior affects those partners.
These tendencies cause narcissists to act strangely in the bedroom, often leaving their partners wondering what does a narcissist want sexually?
In the context of this question, we’ll explore some of the strange things narcissists do sexually, the motivation behind these actions, and how they might make you feel.
1 They’re Self-Obsessed
Narcissists only think about one thing in the bedroom—their own satisfaction. They don’t care whether you’re having fun as long as they’re having theirs.
Narcissists are often very specific about their sexual needs and desires and expect you to meet these demands, whether you like it or not.
They may dominate the entire experience, dictating the pace, positions, and activities to maximize their own pleasure and satisfaction without bothering to think about yours.
Narcissists’ obsession with themselves may go so far as to constantly check themselves in the mirror, savoring their image rather than engaging with their partner.
They may interrupt the experience to take selfies or record videos, eager to document their perceived attractiveness and prowess.
For narcissists, the bedroom is little more than a stage for their grandiose self-presentation and their partner a supporting character in their self-absorbed narrative.
As a result, the encounter lacks genuine connection and mutual enjoyment, leaving the partner feeling emotionally disconnected and unsatisfied.
2 They Use Sex to Manipulate
Narcissists use sex as a tool for manipulation and control, trapping them in a web of emotional turmoil. Attempts to set boundaries or reject their advances are met with intense reactions of disappointment, anger, and frustration.
Sometimes, a narcissist will twist the narrative, making you believe that your shortcomings are to blame.
They will belittle you with snide comments like, “If you were more daring in bed, we could have more fun together.”
Ironically, if you express a sexual desire to a narcissist, be prepared to face their wrath. They will use derogatory labels like “sexual pervert” or “whore” to belittle you and insult you for being open.
The power play intensifies when the narcissist withholds sex, using it to coerce you into fulfilling their desires or achieving their goals. If you let this go on for too long, you could end up in a sexless narcissistic marriage!
On the other hand, they may dangle sex as a reward, a tempting carrot to reinforce behavior that pleases them.
The manipulative approach that narcissists take to sex erodes emotional intimacy and mutual respect within the relationship, replacing it with a toxic dynamic of control and exploitation.
3 They Deceive Their Sexual Partners
Manipulation is a manipulative tactic that narcissists use to make their partners question their perceptions, memories, and sanity.
In a sexual context, narcissists may deceive their partners in various ways to maintain control and power.
For example, a narcissist may suggest trying a new sexual activity that their partner feels uncomfortable with.
However, when they express their concerns, the narcissist responds with manipulation, saying, “Everyone does it. You’re just too sensitive and overthinking things.”
Narcissists trick their partner into believing that their feelings and boundaries are unreasonable and that their uncertainty is entirely the result of their own flaws.
Alternatively, they may force their partner to do something they’re uncomfortable with and then claim it was their idea, making them appear as a pervert.
Manipulation during sex can negatively impact the victim’s emotional well-being and self-esteem. This can cause her to doubt herself, feel inadequate, and have her self-esteem eroded.
4 They Seek Admiration
Imagine being in bed with a narcissistic partner who turns every private, intimate moment into a performance where their intense need for praise takes center stage.
They repeatedly seek compliments throughout the encounter, seeking validation and reassurance at every turn.
During a night of passion, a narcissist may draw attention to their every move, bragging about themselves and asking, “Isn’t my body perfect?” or “Aren’t you the best you’ve ever had?”
Every whimper or whisper is another opportunity for them to urge you to compliment them.
Far from being able to relax and enjoy yourself, you find yourself in a constant cycle of reassurance and compliments, walking on eggshells to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
Ultimately, the experience becomes less about mutual pleasure and emotional connection and more about satiating the narcissist’s insatiable thirst for worship.
5 They Lack Empathy
While we all have varying sexual needs, desires, and kinks, if you’re involved with a narcissist, their preferences take precedence every time.
If you want something different or express discomfort with a certain action, the narcissist dismisses your feelings, saying, “I can’t believe you’re that cold.”
Your feelings and satisfaction don’t matter, so the narcissist pushes you into actions that make you uncomfortable or even cause you physical discomfort and distress.
Any attempt to express your concerns is met with contempt or outright denial. The narcissist seems entirely focused on his or her own pleasure and agenda, unwilling to acknowledge or respect your feelings or boundaries.
This complete lack of empathy makes you feel used, invisible, and emotionally abandoned, making the experience extremely unsatisfying and destructive to your emotional well-being.
6 They Use Sex to Assert Dominance
Narcissists love to be in control and use sex to dominate, assert control and power over their partner.
They often dictate the terms of the sexual encounter and dismiss their partner’s needs and preferences. Some narcissists may engage in degrading or humiliating behaviors to exercise dominance.
Take a look on Quora, and you’ll find some disturbing stories about the weird things narcissists have made their partners do in bed.
Despite their desire to control and dominate, some of you may wonder, “Do narcissists like to be dominated in bed?”
Oddly enough, some do, but they will never give up complete control. Even when they assume the subservient role in the bedroom, they manipulate the situation to their advantage.
By allowing themselves to be in control, narcissists can elicit affection and attention from their partner, which reinforces their self-importance and need for admiration.
In addition, dominance in the bedroom can provide a sense of validation for the narcissist.
It can feed their grandiose self-image by making them believe they are so desirable and attractive that their partner is willing to take charge and fulfill their desires.
7 They Treat Their Partners Like Objects
One of the strange things that female narcissists do sexually is treat their partners like objects.
During intimate moments, the female narcissist focuses solely on her own pleasure and satisfaction, treating her partner as an abstract object and valuing them solely for the way they make her feel about herself.
A female narcissist may flirt with her partner, not out of genuine appreciation, but to inflate her ego by associating with someone she finds physically desirable.
By controlling the sexual dynamic, she reinforces her power over her partner, making him feel like an object rather than an equal.
The objectification of it may extend beyond the bedroom, where they flaunt it as if it were a trophy to show off their ability to attract such a desirable partner.
This is what connects narcissists to swinging. Narcissists may use the swinging lifestyle to showcase or brag about their partners, presenting them as desirable trophies or status symbols that others may savor but that the narcissist “owns.”
8 They Ignore You After Sex
After sex, narcissists won’t hang around to whisper sweet nothings in your ear or share a post-coital hug. They’re more likely to leave the room.
As couples therapist Brandon Santan notes, “Disappearing after sex is a common behavior for sexual narcissists, because they’ve already gotten the validation they sought from the encounter.”
A narcissist may be flattering and charming before the act, but once they get what they want, they go back to ignoring and neglecting their partners.
This often leaves their partner feeling used, objectified, and like their relationship doesn’t mean anything.
9 They Believe They’re Entitled to Sex
Entitlement is a core trait of narcissism, and believing they’re entitled to sex at all times is one of the weird things male sexual narcissists do.
You may not be in the mood for a sexual encounter or feel like you want to connect on a deeper emotional level before you get physically intimate.
If that’s not what the narcissist had in mind, you’re denying them something they feel they’re entitled to, which can cause a hostile response.
Narcissists may feel entitled to their sexual desires without regard for your emotional state or boundaries.
They may pressure or coerce you into having sex, making you feel like you are just an object and a means to fulfill the narcissist’s desires.
10 They Have Grandiose Fantasies
Sex with a narcissist will never live up to their dreams or expectations, largely because they engage in such grandiose sexual fantasies.
These inflated sexual fantasies serve to reinforce the narcissist’s inflated ego.
They reinforce their belief in their own exceptionalism and specialness, providing them with a sense of superiority and power.
But in reality, these inflated sexual fantasies can lead to disappointment when real-life experiences fail to match these extravagant fantasies.
Do narcissists have a high libido?
Narcissists tend to have a higher libido than the general population, with studies suggesting that “people who are high in narcissism tend to have a positive orientation toward sex.”
While this means that narcissists are more likely to engage in frequent sexual experiences, they don’t always find them satisfying.
A more recent study found that narcissistic men are “more likely to have premature ejaculation (presumably early in the relationship) and difficulty achieving ejaculation (presumably as the novelty of the relationship wanes).”
What do narcissists want sexually?
Narcissists want to feel sexually satisfied and prioritize that over everything else.
They also want to feel empowered and superior, so they tend to seek out partners who constantly compliment and praise them on their sexual abilities.
What turns narcissists on sexually?
Narcissists are more interested in sex but have less sexual satisfaction, which means “they are also more likely to prefer masturbation to sex with a partner.”
So, do narcissists masturbate a lot? In a sense, even when they do have sex with a partner, narcissists are really masturbating because they are simply using their partner as a flesh-and-blood sexual companion rather than seeing them as an individual with their own desires and needs.
