Being attracted to a relationship with a narcissist may seem fun, exciting, and complimentary—but this very brief period of intense passion often fades within months or even weeks of meeting.
The relationship quickly goes from enticing and mysterious to “Do I know this person?”
Once you start wondering, “Do I even know myself anymore?”—you know it’s time to walk away. Does the narcissist make this impossible?
Absolutely.
10 Reasons Why
1 Losing Yourself
When you meet them, you feel complete. It’s like you knew yourself so well, and you probably liked to think you made good judgments about people and how they made you feel.
Then suddenly—the narcissist shows up, and you take on all of their struggles. Everything, and I mean everything, is about them. You go from good to bad, and your identity conforms to that.
You lose who you are and what matters to you because you’re so busy pleasing them that leaving them seems impossible.
Understand that it takes time, and some are lucky to get out anyway. Others stay rooted in the narcissist, leaving themselves behind.
2 They control your money
One thing narcissists love to do is take away your right to financial independence. This can be done over the course of several years, but the little things will start to shape the way you depend on them for money.
Staying home to take care of the kids, not working as much so you can stay home to do the things that keep the house perfect, or simply taking you away from what you love and are good at because they don’t want you to succeed.
Whatever the reason the narcissist is pulling away from you and trying to get money from you, it will be one of the reasons you feel unable to get out of the relationship.
They will make it impossible for you to leave because you are afraid of how to handle it, pay the bills, or live without them.
3 You lose your independence
If you are independent, the world cannot revolve around the narcissist. In fact, if you are independent, they will see you as a threat to them.
Why? Because it challenges their idea that they should be the greater of the two, with a self-image that makes it seem like they are in charge and have it all.
With independence comes success, so if you are doing well, that is a big no-no for them.
They can’t stand seeing you better than them, and guess what? They are not being given attention.
4 Your self-esteem is diminished
Has a narcissist ever belittled you? Someone you thought was on your side and had genuine, kind feelings for you, suddenly, perhaps even in public, makes you look silly, small, and worthless?
Yes – this is not unusual, they do it to annoy you and make themselves look better.
Narcissists love control, and they will not hesitate to distort your empathy into a flaw, rather than a strength.
This is done using underhanded tactics to chip away at your self-esteem, making it difficult to leave them and ask yourself, “Who else would accept me?”
5 They’ve Got You Addicted to Push and Pull
Games are fun, right? It’s great to play games that are designed to be played, but narcissists will invent their own, usually at your expense.
Related : These Are The Most Toxic Traits Of The Narcissist
Their favorite game is “push and pull,” where one day you’ll feel like the most loved person on earth, and the next day you’ll be completely ignored and confused.
It’s not a game you might be used to—but to narcissists, it’s an addiction.
They like life hot and cold because one of their happiest feelings is sitting in the extremes.
The pleasant hum of a contented life isn’t theirs, so keeping you addicted to push and pull will create a scenario that makes it hard to let go and walk away.
6 They Make You Feel Like You Can’t Live Without Them
How can you leave a narcissist?
After all I do for you?
Look at how they treat me.
I work hard so you don’t have to work hard, and that’s how you repay me.
The words that refer to this effect will be because they figuratively push you into a corner and give in to the idea that you are nothing without them and will not be able to cope in the real world.
In fact, would the real world be worse than where you are now?
7 They become a toxic habit from your past
Causes from our past are often brought up into the present moment, and we can recreate the situations we find ourselves in if we are honest with the types of people we are drawn to.
Having a parent who constantly makes us feel needed will turn into an adult habit of always looking for someone we feel we need to fix or help in some way.
Does feeling needed make it impossible to leave someone – absolutely!
8 You feel special (under their spell)
Being associated with someone who so many people love and admire can make you feel special.
So, if you lack that self-esteem, you will gain a distorted sense of it by associating with the narcissist in your life that you are struggling to leave.
This sense of importance is false and is created to give you a false sense of security.
9 You Believe They Will Change One Day
Wishing, waiting, hoping, even praying. Does that change anything?
Unfortunately, no.
A narcissist will never change, but part of this push-pull tactic is telling them how sorry they are and how they will do better next time. Yes, you believe that because you are a good person and have a lot of faith in someone who is starting over.
Related : 10 Surprising Things That Make You the Envy of a Narcissist!
Narcissists don’t have cards to turn.
Believing that they do is why so many people choose to stay with them.
10 They Bully You to Stay
Narcissists are bullies. There are no two ways about it. They don’t care; when they do, they want something out of the situation.
They can coerce you into staying by bribing you, threatening to share personal information about you, or using any of the above as direct bribes to keep you from leaving.
Do they sometimes resort to physical violence? Yes – never rule out the possibility that a narcissist will directly hurt you.
