While narcissism is a personality disorder and alcoholism is an addiction, narcissists, and alcoholics share many characteristics. Recognizing these commonalities can help you understand and deal with people with narcissistic personality disorder, untreated alcoholism, or both.
Both narcissists and alcoholics tend to be:
Driven by their drug of choice. The narcissist’s drug of choice is attention. The alcoholic’s cure is to drink. Both narcissists and alcoholics tend to view others either as enablers (who will help them get attention or maintain their addiction) or as potential threats (who will interfere with their self-aggrandizement or their freedom to drink).
Opportunists. Lacking empathy and a sense of superiority, narcissists feel entitled to do whatever they want, despite the rules or costs to others. In the same vein, alcoholics become very adept at getting a drink. In a sense, addictions like alcohol are narcissistic acts—putting drugs above all else, regardless of the cost to others.
Shame. Avoiding shame is a major driver of narcissistic behavior. Narcissists often shame others to cover up their shortcomings. For alcoholics, drinking numbs or hides the shame they carry.
Self-absorption. Both narcissists and alcoholics feel entitled. For narcissists, relationships revolve around them. For alcoholics, the freedom to drink is a priority. While both narcissists and alcoholics may appear to function normally when they are not affected by the loss of narcissistic supply or when they are not under the influence of alcohol, their self-absorption will inevitably emerge over time.
Inauthentic. Narcissism is characterized by pretense. Narcissists feel they can do no wrong and lie freely to promote their image. Similarly, denial keeps addictions in place. Denial is an alcoholic manifests itself in many ways, such as saying they can stop drinking anytime they want, lying about when they drink, or refusing to acknowledge that their drinking has costs. This is why participants in twelve-step programs introduce themselves with the phrase, “I am an alcoholic.” This helps break through denial.
Avoid self-reflection. Narcissists avoid self-reflection. Doing so risks confronting the emptiness they carry. Likewise, addiction can mask insecurities and low self-esteem. As long as an addict uses, these feelings remain largely unaddressed. The longer the feelings go unaddressed, the harder it is to look inward and confront them.
Related : 12 Things Narcissists Think
Blame. Narcissists are quick to blame others for making them act the way they do. Narcissists rarely apologize or admit fault. This can feel weak, which is unpleasant for a narcissist, who should feel superior and superior. Likewise, alcoholics have many excuses for why they drink. Although many alcoholics may apologize for their behavior and promise to start over, without committing to recovery and planning to do so, their repeated apologies and broken promises ultimately carry little weight with those close to them.
Emotionally inauthentic. Narcissists have “as if” feelings—shows of emotion designed to present a positive image or manipulate others. Likewise, alcoholics may cry crocodile tears over the costs of their addiction, but such displays are often meaningless. In addition, the defense mechanisms of narcissists and the power of addiction in alcoholics make it difficult for them to maintain authentic, long-term relationships.
Tendency to withdraw, reject, or attack when confronted. Narcissists and alcoholics can become extremely defensive if you question their actions or point out their unhealthy behaviors. Both may complain, become unable to communicate or attack you for pointing out flaws and dysfunction that they are desperate to deny or hide.
Destructive to self and others. Those close to both narcissists and alcoholics experience deprivation, rejection, and feelings of being manipulated. Additionally, over time, both narcissists and alcoholics sacrifice their well-being, reputation, relationships, and self-worth in pursuit of a sense of superiority or the high that comes from drinking.
Some people have both narcissistic personality disorder and active addiction. Dealing with someone with a dual diagnosis can be more difficult than dealing with someone who has only narcissism or untreated alcoholism.
The following techniques can help you deal with a narcissist, an alcoholic, or both:
Recognize that people with personality disorders and addictions have selfish, distorted views of themselves and others and resist letting go.
Recognize that you cannot stop someone else’s narcissistic or alcoholic behaviors.
Recognize that you are not causing someone else’s narcissism or addiction.
Don’t make excuses for abnormal behavior, narcissists, or alcoholics.
Don’t try to protect narcissists or alcoholics from the consequences of their abnormal actions.
Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate from a narcissist or addict.
