Have you ever met someone who seemed unable to apologize for anything? I think we all have. There are facts about people who cannot apologize that may surprise you.
Well, that’s the truth about all of us. We all have situations where we don’t want to apologize to someone. This may simply be because we don’t like the person we insulted, or because we don’t see any point in apologizing.
If we don’t like someone we bump into, some of us will keep walking. If we make mistakes in the paperwork, and we report it to our employer, we may not see the need to apologize – we just fix the mistake.
People who can’t apologize: the truth
But apologizing does not mean that we are weak. It shows that we are strong enough to withstand the blow to our self-esteem. Let’s look at some facts about people who can’t say they’re sorry.
- Fear of inferiority
Many people choose not to apologize because they are afraid of not having a flawless personality. First of all, none of us are perfect, but some people want to be seen that way. This is because they hurt their self-esteem horribly. When self-esteem is this low, the more the image needs to look perfect. Apologizing for a mistake means a deficiency. - Fear of weakness
Fear of weakness is a little different from fear of perfection, as it can lead people to criticize and refuse to apologize. The idea that they made a mistake means to them that they are weak. So, to stay strong, they have to refrain from apologizing and carry on as if nothing happened.
This often comes with blaming someone else. It’s usually the person who deserves the apology, but sometimes, anyone can be the scapegoat.
- Create a chaotic environment
There are those who enjoy living in an environment full of chaos. These individuals will not apologize because this creates peace and harmony after making mistakes. Many people with narcissistic or sadistic personality disorder enjoy ignoring apologies. There’s not much you can do to convince these characters that they need to apologize. Only they can change their actions. - They are ignorant
You have some people who lack social cues, and these individuals may fail to apologize when they should. They may not have learned in childhood that it is wrong to constantly interrupt people during a conversation and then not recognize their mistake.
They may have failed to learn that honesty requires tact, and feelings can get hurt. Listen, some people have no idea when to apologize. But that doesn’t make it your job to teach them. If you notice this and feel like helping them, you can do so.
- Neither party wants to be first
Sometimes people don’t want to apologize because they don’t want to be the first to admit guilt.
Suppose an incident occurred at a party and more than one person was involved. It might seem to a self-respecting person that all parties should apologize, right?
Well, sometimes, no one wants to be the first to admit their mistakes, and so the apology doesn’t happen. Eventually, one person within the group will apologize, and that person will be the most powerful in the group.
- Separating character from action
Here’s an interesting look at this issue. Did you know that non-defenders have difficulty separating the mistakes they have made from their identity? It’s true, some people are afraid that if they do something bad, they must be a bad person. Of course, most of us know that this is far from the truth. We’ve all done “bad” things. - Fear of revenge
An apology will not come from someone who is afraid of retaliation. Believe it or not, some people believe that if they lose something that belongs to a friend, that friend will do the same to them in return.
But mentally healthy people do not take revenge. Something inside the unapologetic person’s head tells them not only to refuse to apologize, but to try to hide what happened, pretend it never happened, or blame someone else.
- Fear of loss
Sometimes, people don’t apologize for fear of losing a friend or family member. Of course, this is the opposite of what you should do. However, in the unapologetic mind, they see the apology as further hurting the victim. Also, an apology, in a sense, brings back what happened. - Others are stubborn
When it comes to apologizing, some people are so stubborn that they don’t admit mistakes. It could be about shame or resentment, or it could be about an inflated ego – some people refuse to be humble. In this case, it is best to leave them alone. - Apologies and toxicity
There are cases where people don’t apologize because they’re afraid it will bring up other things they’ve done wrong. This dynamic seems strange, but it happens.
Not all people who cannot apologize have low self-esteem or chronic problems. Sometimes they stop apologizing because it doesn’t get them anywhere with the other person. Sometimes the victim of wrongdoing has toxic traits and uses apologies as leverage. Many people stop apologizing to those who use them.
