The growth of social media has developed spaces where opinions fly. We now have almost anyone’s opinion at our fingertips, and it’s not always good.
While many of us learn to ignore stupid comments or let ignorance pass, there are some people who just can’t let go. They feel offended by everything, even if it’s not about them to begin with.
But why do people get angry so easily? Is it just an allergy or is there something much deeper going on? How do we know who has the right to be offended, and who makes dust a mountain?
Here are nine facts about people who are easily offended, and what may be the real cause of this problem.
- Maybe it’s not personal
The behavior of people who are easily offended says a lot about them and less about you. Although it may hurt when someone accuses you of being insulting, that doesn’t mean it’s a personal attack.
They are most likely not trying to project their values, beliefs, and insecurities onto you, rather they are sincerely accusing you. So, if someone is getting particularly defensive, try not to take it personally, you don’t know what’s really going on.
- They also tend to be anxious
When someone feels anxious, they show greater tendencies toward trying to control the world around them. This usually leads them to believe that their truth is the correct version of the truth, leaving little room for the thoughts and opinions of others.
We’ve all been in a situation where we feel stressed but completely unable to take the advice of others. This is especially true when anxious people find that they have lost or are losing control of their surroundings.
So, when someone tells them something they don’t agree with, they tend to get defensive, and quickly seem offended and angry.
- They are suffering
Misery loves company, so when someone is easily offended, it may seem like they’re just trying to bring everyone down with them. But there’s more to it than just dampening the mood.
Behind this sensitive exterior are reasons why a person can be very sensitive and easily offended. It’s easy to write someone off as miserable, but if you look a little deeper, you’ll find that they are suffering, in pain, and have learned to deal with social isolation in their own ways.
Try to be patient and strive to find out the real cause of the problem.
- They have problems with insecure attachment
As we grow and develop during childhood, we learn to interact with the world through interaction and instruction from our parents. Those who have healthy childhoods tend to create better coping mechanisms and learn how to ask for the help they need from others.
However, when this is not the case, children will not go out into the world feeling safe to explore. Everything seems dangerous or somewhat worrying, which creates a feeling of anxiety and stress in these people. This sensitivity tends to express itself in the form of exaggerated reactions.
Those with insecure attachments don’t know how to ask for what they want in healthy ways, it’s easier to just make it seem like it’s someone else’s fault and play the victim.
- They are insecure
It is very easy to spot an insecure person. They are always looking for validation from others rather than their own work, and have difficulty ignoring the little things.
Insecurities allow people to be more sensitive and easily offended than they might normally be. Being insulted makes them feel powerful, and also allows them to make others feel guilty, which puts them in a position of power.
Grudges and insults are mechanisms to avoid vulnerability but they are also a way to avoid the real problems behind their pain.
- They need empathy
Everyone deserves compassion, and although it is harder to give compassion to some than to others, that does not make them any less deserving. Being empathetic doesn’t mean you need to deal with someone else’s problems, it just means being more understanding.
Set clear boundaries but allow yourself to be a shoulder to cry on. Try to understand where they are coming from and work on being more empathetic. You don’t know what difference it might make.
- They may be narcissists
On the other side of the spectrum is someone who is easily offended but is completely self-involved. No matter how much logic you try to throw at them, no matter how many facts you recite, there is no logic. They are right and you are wrong.
By being directly offended, they shut down any favorable conversation and their belief becomes reality for them.
- They want attention
We all like a bit of complaining now and then, in fact sometimes it’s necessary to get something off our chest. On the other hand, people who are easily offended like to complain, like the sound of their own voice, and like the attention that complaining gets them.
By being easily offended, it is a quick way to demand the time and ears of others and rehash the terrible thing that just happened to them. Although nine times out of ten, the crime is never that bad, and most people don’t consider it offensive in the first place.
- They may have a right to feel insulted
We live in a world of opposing sides, whether you’re a Boomer, a Millennial, or a GenZ, everyone has an opinion about everyone else. Sometimes it’s a valid and reasonable feeling to feel insulted when someone insults you, judges you, or is just plain ignorant.
You have a right to feel upset when something legitimately offensive happens, and no one has the right to tell you that you’re too sensitive to feel that way.
- Their crime is self-inflicted
When someone feels insulted, the worst thing anyone can do is minimize that feeling. Telling someone they’re not really being offended or telling them they shouldn’t feel so upset will only make them feel worse. Feelings of abuse or humiliation are inherently personal because they can play on insecurities or values that are important to someone.
When you hurt someone who is easily offended, don’t try to minimize their feelings or absolve yourself of the guilt. Listen to why they feel offended and take that into account. Offer a genuine apology and try not to do it again in the future.
Obviously, not all of the above facts apply to one person, perhaps just one, or perhaps several people at once. The truth is that some people are more sensitive than others, and that’s okay.
The real problem is that we are quick to dismiss them as “snowflakes,” making more of things than they need to be. In fact, we all need to be kinder to each other and close the ever-widening gap.
