10 Tips for Dealing with Someone’s Narcissistic Personality Traits

Maintaining a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality traits can take a toll on your mental health and well-being. Setting clear boundaries and relying on a support system of people you trust can help you find a way forward.

The term narcissist is often used to describe people who seem to be self-centered, self-interested, or manipulative of the people in their lives.

However, it’s important to remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a legitimate mental health condition that can create significant challenges for the person living with it.

Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose this condition based on the criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).

However, some people can exhibit narcissistic traits without being diagnosed with NPD.

Here’s a look at some practical ways to deal with someone who has NPD or narcissistic tendencies — plus some tips for recognizing when it’s time to move on.

1. Educate Yourself About Narcissistic Personality Disorder

People often describe someone with a narcissistic personality as charming and likable, which can make it easy to overlook some of their other, more damaging behaviors.

However, it’s important to recognize the signs of narcissistic personality disorder so that they’re easier to recognize.

This can also help you better understand the person’s strengths and weaknesses so you’re prepared to overcome any challenges.

In addition, this can be the first step in learning to accept them for who they are and setting more realistic expectations for your relationship.

2. Build Your Self-Esteem

Building healthy self-esteem can make it much easier to deal with some of the potentially harmful behaviors you may encounter with someone with NPD or narcissistic tendencies.

Engaging in positive self-talk, practicing self-care, and finding a healthy support system can help you develop resilience and boost your self-esteem.

Having higher self-esteem can also make it easier to set clear boundaries, be assertive, and stand up for yourself, all of which are key to maintaining a relationship with someone with NPD.

3. Stand Up for Yourself

Sometimes, ignoring something or simply walking away is the appropriate response — pick your battles, right?

But a lot depends on the relationship. For example, dealing with a boss, parent, or spouse may require a different strategy than dealing with a coworker, sibling, or child.

If you feel like your boundaries have been crossed, try not to react, get visibly upset, or show discomfort.

If this is someone you want to be around, it’s important to talk to them. Try to do this calmly and gently.

Tell them how their words and behavior are affecting your life. Be specific about what’s unacceptable and how you expect to be treated, but be prepared for the fact that it may be difficult for them to understand or empathize with your feelings.

4. Set clear and consistent boundaries

Rather than trying to change someone with NPD or narcissistic tendencies, it’s better to set boundaries for any behaviors that are unacceptable to you and communicate them clearly to the other person.

You should also set these boundaries rather than making threats or ultimatums to make sure you’re being taken seriously.

5. Practice skills to stay calm

Practicing skills like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation can help you stay calm and avoid reacting when dealing with someone with NPD.

It can also be helpful to clarify your intentions or practice what you plan to say before you assert your boundaries.

It can also help you anticipate how they will react to difficult conversations so you can respond appropriately.

6. Find a support system

If you can’t avoid the person, try to build healthy relationships and a comprehensive support network. Rekindle old friendships and try to nurture new ones. Get together with family often.

If your social circle is smaller than you’d like, try taking a course to explore a new hobby. Get active in your community or volunteer for a local charity.

Do something that allows you to meet more people you feel comfortable with.

7. Insist on immediate action, not promises

Many people with NPD are good at making promises. They may promise to do what you want, not to do what you hate, or promise to do it better.

Often, they are honest about these promises, too. However, in some cases, these promises may also be a means to their ends.

While confrontation is not recommended, it is important to be clear about what you want, need, or expect and to express yourself calmly and kindly.

Let them know that you will only meet their requests after they meet yours. You should also be consistent and follow through to show that you take your expectations seriously.

8. Understand that a narcissist may need professional help

Some people may exhibit certain traits, such as delusions of grandeur or a sense of entitlement, without it being the result of a more significant mental health condition.

The only way to distinguish random traits from a real disorder is through evaluation with a mental health professional.

Of course, even people with narcissistic traits may benefit from the help of a mental health professional. Regardless of the larger diagnosis, some traits can be detrimental to relationships, personal development, and well-being.

Remember, while NPD is a mental health condition, it does not excuse harmful or abusive behavior.

9. Know when you need help

Spending too much time in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who has NPD or narcissistic tendencies can leave you emotionally drained.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or unexplained physical illness, it’s important to consult your primary care physician or other health care professional.

Once you’ve been screened, you can ask for referrals to other services, such as a mental health professional or support group.

Reach out to family and friends and call your support system for help. There’s no need to go it alone.

10. Understand when it’s time to move on

It’s generally best to leave the relationship if:

Your mental or physical health is affected

You’re being manipulated, controlled, or isolated

You’re being verbally or emotionally abused

You’re being physically abused or feel threatened

Verbal and emotional abuse can look like:

Blaming you for everything that goes wrong
Calling you names or insulting you
Denying things that are obvious to you or trying to manipulate you
Monitoring your movements or trying to isolate you
Routinely projecting their flaws onto you
Telling you how you feel or how you should feel
Belittling your opinions and needs

Physical abuse can look like:

• Breaking or throwing things
• Controlling what you eat, when you eat, or how much you eat
• Hiding your medications
• Hitting, shoving, or otherwise physically injuring you
• Locking you out of the house when they’re upset
• Sexual assault