Do you know what it feels like to receive sympathy from the person you love? Or does empathy seem to be a personality trait they sorely lack?

Empathy seems like an uncomplicated feeling, but for the narcissist, it doesn’t exist.

What does a lack of empathy in behavior look like?

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I remember watching a movie once about a couple in love. In one scene, they were arguing. She started crying and he said to her: Don’t cry. You know I can’t handle it when you cry. Then he put his arms around her.

To this day, I can remember my reaction. I felt nauseous, sad, jealous, and disappointed in what my life had become.

As with most romance films I’ve come across, I rarely made it to the end of any of them. At some point, it became unbearable for me, and the TV went out.

I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where someone showed that kind of compassion for me.

To this day, nearly six years after I left, I can still see the expressions on my ex-husband’s face when he entered emotional territory that was unfamiliar to him.

He knew he should be sympathetic, but he had no idea what to do, felt nothing, and didn’t care to find out. He was telling me something so toxic it might burn, something I didn’t have time to prepare myself for.

Before I could stop, my eyes were filling with tears. Often it would happen so quickly that the tears would flow before I had a chance to fight them back.

His reaction was always the same: he looked at me as if an alien had just landed in our kitchen. He stared at the strange liquid in my eyes.

Then he turns and leaves the room without another word. Every time, for 20 years.

As a domestic violence survivor and advocate for victims and survivors of emotional abuse, I now know that I was married to a classic abuser – a narcissist. I also know why this is important.

According to Psychology Today, individuals with personality disorders, or narcissists, view the world from a black-and-white perspective. They have a polarized point of view, which idealizes or denigrates people.

Individuals are viewed as good or bad. Often, individuals with personality disorders value people who agree with their point of view and devalue or lack empathy for people who disagree with them.

Related: How Dating A Narcissistic Man Made Me Wake Up And Change My Life (For The Better)

Here are 10 small personality traits of people who cannot show empathy:

1. They control conversations

Narcissists love to talk about themselves and will dominate conversations. If you don’t agree with their opinions, you will quickly be fired or ignored.

2. They interrupt conversations

Narcissists will interrupt the conversation to make sure the topic returns to themselves – their favorite topic.

3. They will break the rules

Not only do narcissists frequently break rules, but they also enjoy doing so. They will lie, cheat, and steal just for the sake of enjoying something.

4. They frequently violate boundaries

Narcissists will overtake others and use them without regard for their feelings. They will break promises and “forget” their obligations.

5. They show a false personality

Narcissists often exaggerate who they are, what they own, and who they know in high positions. They will make up stories about great experiences to make themselves seem better than others.

Related: Brené Brown’s Quip To Tim Ferriss Might Shift Your Perspective On Narcissists

6. They have a great sense of entitlement

Narcissists often expect special treatment and for their needs to be put before others. They expect others to meet their needs, but they will not return the favor.

7. They can be charming

Narcissists often have charismatic and exciting personalities. When they care about you, they will make you feel like you are the center of the universe. Once you become theirs, you become less important to them.

8. They have an exaggerated sense of self

Narcissists believe that they are very important and that others cannot live without them or their contributions to their lives.

9. They are skilled at cutting you off

Narcissists can be emotionally abusive. They put others down to feel superior.

If you insult a narcissist, he or she will usually come back with intense, heated anger.

10. They are very manipulative

Narcissists specialize in controlling others and their surroundings to suit their own needs. They don’t worry about the consequences of their decisions on anyone else involved.

Looking back now, if I had understood back then who I was dating, who I was marrying, and what those personality types looked like… if I had known that they don’t change, that things get worse, and what the warning signs of abuse are, I probably wouldn’t have stopped those romantic movies all those years ago.

It’s not too late for you.

If you are involved in abuse, you can still find your way out. We can all find a way to a better life, and we can all watch romantic movies until the end.