Narcissists are masters of creating a carefully curated image when they are in the spotlight, but when they are alone or think no one is watching, their behavior often reveals their true selves. Their need for admiration, control, and validation doesn’t disappear when they are alone; it simply manifests in different ways. Understanding what narcissists do when they are alone provides valuable insight into the complexities of their personality and the inner workings of their fragile ego. Here are 10 typical things narcissists do when they believe nobody is looking.
1. Self-Adoration in Front of Mirrors
Narcissists are often obsessed with their own appearance and will spend significant time in front of mirrors, preening, posing, and admiring themselves. When they are alone, they indulge in this behavior without the need to hide it. They might practice facial expressions, body language, or poses to ensure they look their best in public. This private self-admiration is a reflection of their need to feel superior and perfect.
In extreme cases, they may even become obsessed with taking selfies or videos, constantly seeking to capture what they believe to be their best angles or moments of perfection.
2. Rehearsing and Rewriting Conversations
When alone, narcissists often replay past interactions in their heads, rewriting history to make themselves appear more dominant or victorious in conversations. They may rehearse what they should have said to sound smarter or more impressive. This constant mental rehearsal allows them to craft a narrative where they always come out on top, ensuring that their fragile ego remains intact.
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This mental rehearsal isn’t just about past conversations—it extends to future interactions as well. They prepare witty comebacks, devastating insults, or clever ways to manipulate people to ensure they maintain control in every situation.
3. Obsessing Over Criticism or Perceived Insults
Despite their outwardly confident and arrogant demeanor, narcissists are incredibly sensitive to criticism. When they are alone, they often ruminate over any slight, real or imagined, obsessing over how others may have wronged or disrespected them. They may fantasize about getting revenge or proving their superiority to the person who dared to criticize them.
This obsessive thinking often leads to feelings of anger or frustration, which they may not show outwardly but simmer internally until they have an opportunity to lash out or reassert their dominance.
4. Spying or Stalking on Social Media
Narcissists are notorious for their need to keep tabs on others, particularly those they view as threats, competitors, or former victims of their manipulation. When they are alone, they often spend hours stalking people on social media, monitoring their activities, and comparing themselves to others.
They might obsessively check an ex-partner’s profile, track a colleague’s successes, or look for evidence that someone is talking about them. This behavior helps them feel in control and reinforces their need for constant validation, even if it’s through secret surveillance.
5. Creating False Narratives About Their Life
Alone time is when narcissists build and refine the false narratives they present to the world. They fantasize about their ideal life—how they wish others would see them—and mentally construct stories that make them the hero or victim, depending on what suits their agenda. These stories often have little basis in reality but serve to boost their ego and help them escape the truth about their flawed nature.
Whether it’s inflating their accomplishments or exaggerating the challenges they’ve faced, narcissists are constantly crafting a narrative that keeps them in the spotlight, even when there’s no audience.
6. Escalating Addictive Behaviors
Many narcissists engage in addictive or destructive behaviors when they are alone, as a way to cope with their underlying feelings of emptiness, insecurity, or boredom. This might include excessive drinking, drug use, gambling, binge eating, or compulsive shopping. These activities provide a temporary escape from the inner turmoil that often haunts narcissists, but they also contribute to a cycle of self-destruction that is hidden from others.
When no one is watching, narcissists may indulge in these behaviors to excess, often feeling ashamed or resentful afterward, only to hide it again when they re-enter the public sphere.
7. Engaging in Secret Fantasies of Power and Control
Narcissists often indulge in elaborate fantasies where they are all-powerful, admired, and feared. These fantasies can range from imagining themselves as a celebrity or CEO to seeing themselves as someone who has ultimate control over others’ lives.
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While they may not reveal these grandiose fantasies to others, they can spend a lot of time alone daydreaming about their superiority, imagining scenarios where they dominate and outshine everyone around them.
8. Reliving Past Glory
When narcissists are alone, they often relive their “glory days” in their minds, recalling moments where they felt most admired, powerful, or in control. This might include achievements, romantic conquests, or times when they manipulated others to their advantage. These memories provide a temporary boost to their fragile ego and help them avoid dealing with the present, where they may not feel as successful or important.
The narcissist’s need for constant admiration doesn’t end when the applause stops—they replay those moments over and over to remind themselves of how “great” they are.
9. Blaming Others for Their Problems
Narcissists are never at fault in their own eyes, and when they are alone, they will often spend time blaming others for any difficulties or failures in their life. Whether it’s a failed relationship, a work issue, or financial troubles, the narcissist will find ways to pin the blame on others, refusing to take responsibility for their own actions.
By placing the blame on others, narcissists protect their fragile self-image and avoid facing the uncomfortable truth that they might be the cause of their own problems.
10. Scheming and Plotting Manipulative Tactics
While alone, narcissists often plan their next move, whether it’s in a relationship, at work, or in their social circle. They are constantly thinking about how to gain more control, manipulate others, or position themselves as superior. This might involve figuring out how to charm someone, get revenge on an enemy, or win admiration from others.
Their alone time is often spent strategizing about how to advance their agenda, even if it means using deceit or manipulation to get there.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists are constantly performing for others, but when they are alone, their true nature reveals itself. They are consumed by a need for admiration, validation, and control, even when no one is around. From self-admiration and scheming to obsessing over criticism and indulging in secret fantasies, narcissists’ behavior in private is often very different from the image they present in public.
Understanding these behind-the-scenes behaviors can help you better navigate relationships with narcissists, allowing you to see through their carefully crafted persona and recognize the underlying insecurities driving their actions.
