Don’t you love the phrase “it is what it is”?

It covers almost everything and allows people to simply say “there’s nothing you can do about it.”

There’s nothing you can do about narcissism either.

Whether or not someone is a narcissist, sometimes it can get a little confusing.

Today, I want to talk about this very thing…

What is narcissism, and what it definitely isn’t.

What Is Narcissism?

It’s often a word thrown at anyone who annoys someone else.

Oh, they’re so narcissistic!

Did you see them on their last vacation? What a narcissist!

Another selfie! What a narcissist!

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Real narcissism is more than just a selfie or a vacation someone you know is taking.

It’s deep, and it ruins people’s lives.

This isn’t drama – this is the truth.

Related : 4 Reasons Why You Should Ghost The Narcissist

Narcissists destroy lives wherever they go. They tear families apart, destroy friendships, and bring conflict with them—and the consequences can be devastating.

Narcissists are stupid, but stupid people are also stupid.

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and see the difference between someone who is determined to send you to therapy and someone who is just miserable.

1 Don’t ruin your self-confidence

We all want to be more confident.

We all love to see confidence in others.

Let’s take a quick look at what’s real and what’s fake about confidence.

Real vs. Fake

Real confidence is often best described in a story about a guy I went to college with. In one class, the teacher was talking about some heavy stuff, and I saw the puzzled looks on my fellow students’ faces.

This guy, whom I’ll call Jake, raised his hand and said in front of about 100 other people:

I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please explain it another way?

This is a level of confidence like no other. The fact that someone was confident enough to casually admit that they needed to reframe a topic or concept to help them was absolutely wonderful and didn’t affect anyone. They were confident.

Fake confidence describes the type of confidence that every narcissist has.

They want you to believe it’s real, but it’s surrounded by the reality that they are deeply insecure about themselves, want to hurt you, and refuse to show anyone how much they hate themselves.

2 Anger – When Health and Illness Get Mixed Up

We all get upset, let’s not pretend to be anything different.

When we get upset, we often take our anger out on the people we love, and we may explode in anger.

But the important thing is to apologize and admit that we made a mistake. We work on it, reduce our workload, and take some time off.

Narcissists can’t regulate their emotions in the same way, and they will never admit when they’re wrong. Instead, they continue to push, and they don’t find time to relax because of their anger.

3 It’s OK to Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist. It’s important to put your needs first when you need to, and think about your goals or dreams. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

Related : Did The Narcissist Ever Love You?

Narcissists don’t put anyone else’s needs above their own.

They don’t know when to give someone else center stage. Instead, they stay that way, and to hell with everyone.

Know the difference between taking care of your needs and cutting off everyone who might need your help.

4 Appearance Isn’t Always About Narcissism

Hey, you can take care of your appearance and look great without being a narcissist. We need to do that now more than ever! We matter!

But looking great shouldn’t be synonymous with being a narcissist.

5 Ambition is Healthy! Lots, beware

You have to work towards the goals you want and have, and no one should stop you from pursuing them.

If you know you’re worth it, the sky’s the limit. It’s all about confidence, resilience, and trust.

Too much of any of these things points to narcissism, and if you’re willing to trample every good relationship you have in your life to get what you want, it’s time to reevaluate how much narcissism is running through your veins.

6 Charisma Is Charming – Is It? It’s Not

It’s nice to be charismatic! Friendly, talkative, helpful, and trustworthy are all essential traits of a good person, but make no mistake.

Charisma is not the same as charisma. It’s real, and charm is just trying to make people believe that you’re the type of person that you are, when in fact, you’re not.

Related : 14 Reasons Why You Are a Narcissist Magnet

Narcissists have charm, but it’s empty, superficial, and unsustainable.

7 “I Love Myself”

Self-love is now worth half a trillion dollars, and there’s an emphasis on loving yourself, with all your flaws.

Narcissists take self-love to another level. First, it’s not even real, because deep down they actually hate themselves.

Second, they hide the first truth so much that they try to compensate for it.

Is it awful? Yes.

But there’s nothing wrong with genuinely loving yourself.

8 Cheating?…

Cheaters cheat, but not all cheaters are narcissists.

You hear a lot that narcissists almost always cheat because they can’t get as much supply as they could.

Sometimes, cheating happens, and the person will feel intense remorse.

Healing happens, meditation is possible, and you can work through the problem together.

That doesn’t happen with narcissists. They will cheat and cheat, and ignore your pain.

People get caught up in themselves, don’t they? You see that a lot in this world where we’re simply busier than ever.

Work is demanding, home life never stops, and we still have relationships to maintain, whether they’re platonic or romantic.

Related ; Did You Waste Your Life With a Narcissist?

If you hear someone occasionally rant about how their life is busier than yours, or how they have needs outside of this world—it should cross your mind that they’re probably struggling to juggle a lot.

Before you try to tell me this isn’t the same as narcissism – I’m here to agree with you – and this is my point! Seriously, my point is – we all get lost in the matrix. It’s hard.

We say things we don’t mean. We get emotional, we judge, we complain, we scream; we’re tired.

The difference between narcissism and non-narcissism is two things:

Remorse and apology. Both have to be sincere, and I mean that.

They both have to be intentional.

10 Emotional Manipulation? Not Always Narcissism

Emotional manipulation is a term we all use when describing narcissism, but there’s a level of frustration that can accompany statements like:

I didn’t say that!

It could be, for example, someone’s honest idea that they forgot they said something.

Emotional manipulation is intentional, and lies and deception are made up with the intent to destroy the victims on the receiving end.