You haven’t been happy in a very long time. So why is it so hard to leave?
When we invest too much in someone then moving on is difficult.
This is one of the reasons why toxic relationships can bring you back again and again.
However, you must be strong. Your future self will thank you for it.
Mentally strong people take strong action so they can move on from a toxic relationship.
1) They have enough courage to face the truth
Denial is dangerous.
It keeps us stuck in toxic situations.
We are unable to begin the healing journey until we can acknowledge the extent of the problem.
Sometimes, even when we know things aren’t going well, we cling to wishful thinking:
“Maybe it will get better.”
“We loved each other once, it can be that way again.”
“They say they will change.”
As overwhelming as it can be, mentally strong people are brave enough to be honest with themselves.
They accept the truth as it is… “I’m in a toxic relationship.”
Reality is not always what we wish it to be. But accepting it is crucial.
Strong people then use this critical truth as a springboard to grow from.
2) They remind themselves of their true worth
One of the many problems with toxic cycles is that they exhaust you.
It strips you of self-esteem and confidence, so you may start to doubt your worth.
Perhaps your partner was manipulative and deliberately tried to strip away your sense of value in order to gain more control.
Either way, your self-confidence may be at an all-time low.
Often times, even in seemingly healthy relationships, people end up accidentally looking to their other half for validation.
Mentally strong people realize that this is a trap.
The only truly reliable source comes from within.
We need self-validation in order to stay strong, support ourselves, and be able to set all-important conditions for the people who want to be in our lives.
It’s time to say to yourself:
I deserve more than this
I deserve better
I am enough, just as I am
Better times are on the way for me
3) They create solid boundaries
Most of us don’t think much about our boundaries. But when they are seriously eroded, it’s time to be more aware of them.
As Stanford University noted:
“Boundaries help define what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship – whether it’s with friends, partners, coworkers, bosses, or family members. Ideally, we put them in place to protect our well-being. They help us build trust, safety, and respect in relationships.” Common boundaries include emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, and financial; they can be applied to any aspect of your life where you feel they are needed.
You’ll need these clear rules, not only to prevent you from getting sucked back into your toxic relationship but also to create more positive, healthy connections in the future.
Helpful boundaries as you move forward can include:
Create a no contact rule with your ex
Refuse to let them back into your life in any way, shape or form
Unfollow (or block) them on social media
4) They take care of themselves proactively
At times in our lives when we feel most vulnerable, self-care becomes even more important.
It’s about turning inward and discovering what you need to heal. It’s about giving yourself TLC to take care of yourself during a fragile time.
This can take many forms but must include covering the basics that will empower you.
Our mental health is affected when we don’t eat properly, sleep properly, or exercise.
These things may not seem important, but they make a huge difference to your mood and well-being.
Other things like mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises can really help you feel more grounded and calm in a time of instability.
They are scientifically proven to be stress busters that will have your back.
But it’s important not to forget the fun. Now is the time to start injecting as much joy into your life.
It’s just important to make sure it comes from the right sources, as we’ll see next.
5) They rediscover themselves
Part of feeling hopeful and excited for life outside of a toxic relationship involves getting back in touch with some of the things you may have lost.
Engaging in your hobbies and interests can help make you feel like yourself again.
Identity is important. It helps us feel like independent people.
Often times, when you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, you lose sight of it. You may have given up on some things that once felt important when you prioritized your relationship instead.
So it’s time to rediscover what makes you who you are. Get out and do things you enjoy.
But here’s a warning:
Mentally strong people realize that in such uncertain times, it’s easy to get off track.
It can be tempting to indulge in escape. This may be hidden from partying, excessive drinking, or other reckless behavior.
But these won’t build you up in the same way. Eventually the rise ends and you return to Earth with a thud.
Find activities that nourish you instead and help develop your sense of independence and self-esteem.
6) They depend on others for strength
Don’t be fooled. Mentally strong people don’t do it alone.
They are wise enough to know that there is strength in numbers.
When life is full of challenges, relying on others is how we can recover faster.
It’s not a burden you have to carry alone.
It can be very helpful to surround yourself with positive people who love you and want the best for you.
Spend time with loved ones
Don’t isolate yourself
Talk to friends and family about how you feel
Seek treatment if you want to talk to a professional or feel like you are struggling
7) They cultivate a positive mindset to adopt an optimistic outlook for the future
Hopes.
It’s a powerful thing.
When lost, life can seem very empty and scary.
For this reason, he is your greatest ally in shaping your future.
It’s okay if you lose sight of it. You can find it again. Examining your mindset is the way to do this.
A positive mindset is the secret weapon of all mentally strong people.
Their optimism for the future and deep belief in growth provides them with the resilience and motivation they desperately need.
Instead of focusing on the bad, a positive mindset actively searches for the good in life.
Things like practicing gratitude, positive self-talk, reframing negative thoughts, and engaging in plenty of self-compassion can help you do this.
8) Instead of trying to forget, they use negative experiences as an opportunity to grow
Here is the need:
Life is a classroom.
The experiences we have may not always be pleasant, but that does not mean they are not valuable.
If we don’t learn the lessons, then everything we’ve been through has been for nothing.
After negative events in our lives, it can be incredibly empowering when we consciously decide to use it as an opportunity.
It’s like taking back control and saying:
“I won’t let this defeat me, I will use it as fuel for growth.”
After you begin to recover, there may be things resulting from your experience that need a closer look.
Self-inquiry journaling can be a good way to dig deeper.
Perhaps your toxic relationship has highlighted issues related to codependency or low self-esteem. Or maybe you just want to ask some questions about how you ended up there in the first place.
Most importantly, it’s not about blame, guilt, or shame. As we will see later, this is of no help at all.
It’s about using everything life throws at us as an opportunity to become stronger and more self-aware.
9) They do not drag themselves down with remorse and mutual accusations
When you devote time, energy, and love to a toxic relationship, it’s understandable to feel some resentment.
Waiting for an apology or some kind of realization from your ex is a waste of time.
Lockdown is a myth. Moving forward is a personal choice.
The truth is that another conversation with your ex won’t solve anything.
You keep yourself captive if you insist that certain conditions be met before you allow yourself to move forward.
Mentally strong people realize that moving forward is a 100% internal process. It does not depend on the recognition or decision of the other person.
Emotions such as shame, guilt, or remorse act as a virulent poison that will eat you up.
10) They embrace the art of tolerance
Here’s what many people get wrong about forgiveness:
It’s not a weakness. It doesn’t turn you into a sucker who will put up with anything. It’s definitely not about letting people back into your life.
Quite the opposite.
It is a healing tonic that allows you to release the burden of negative emotions you may be carrying.
It doesn’t even include anyone else. It is an internal abandonment. It can help to recognize your pain but find meaning in your suffering.
One of my favorite quotes on this topic is:
“Forgiveness means abandoning all hope for a better past.”
Of course, this is a process that takes time and patience. But mentally strong people realize that it’s about acceptance so you can finally move on.
You can still learn lessons without having to endure pain and suffering.
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