Managing a relationship with a narcissist is like walking a tightrope.
They thrive on control and manipulation, so what happens when they start to lose control?
Knowing how a narcissist responds when he feels a loss of control can prepare you to deal with the unexpected. It’s difficult but manageable.
In this article, we will explore 10 typical reactions you may experience from a narcissist when they feel a loss of control.
Get ready for a fascinating exploration into the psyche of the narcissist.
1) Panic and revenge
When a narcissist’s control begins to slip, their first instinct is often to panic.
This is because control is their safety net. This is what they use to manipulate their environment and the people in it. When they feel this control is threatened, they can go into survival mode.
What does this look like in action? Expect revenge. Narcissists cannot stand the thought of not being in charge, so they may resort to various methods to regain that control.
This could be in the form of emotional outbursts, manipulation, or even becoming extremely charming to win you back.
2) They play the victim card
From what I’ve seen, when a narcissist feels like their grip is slipping, they often resort to playing the victim.
They are good at flipping the script, making themselves appear to be the ones who were wronged, even if they were the ones who caused the chaos.
I had an experience with an old friend who showed strong narcissistic tendencies.
When I finally stood up for myself and refused to give in to his unreasonable demands, he changed the story. Suddenly, he was the victim and I was the villain, trying to gain sympathy from our mutual friends.
This is a classic tactic for narcissists trying to regain control. By playing the victim, they skew others’ perceptions and may push you away in the process.
Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about their need for control. Recognizing this movement can help you handle it safely without losing your cool.
3) They will try to gaslight you
“Gaslighting” is a term that appears in popular vocabulary from the 1944 film “Gaslighting,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. Ironically, this is a common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal.
When a narcissist feels like he or she is losing control, he or she may resort to gaslighting. This involves manipulating someone into questioning their memory, perception, or reason.
In essence, the narcissist changes reality to fit his or her narrative. They may deny things happen, distort your words, or accuse you of misunderstanding.
the goal? To make you question your judgment and ultimately take back control.
4) They will give you the silent treatment
When a narcissist feels he is losing control, one of his tactics is the silent treatment.
It’s not just about staying quiet, it’s a subtle form of emotional manipulation aimed at reasserting their dominance. By cutting off communication and affection, they trigger feelings of guilt, fear, and abandonment in their victim.
This behavior is designed to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong, prompting you to apologize or seek reconciliation.
But it’s important to realize: It’s not about you. It’s about their desperate need to maintain control.
5) They will resort to exchanging blame
When a narcissist feels like he or she is losing control, he or she will often resort to blame-shifting. It’s a tactic to deflect responsibility and maintain the facade of perfection.
They do this by projecting their mistakes and mistakes onto you. No matter the situation, they quickly twist it to make it seem like it’s your fault.
It’s confusing and guilt-inducing, leaving you feeling lost. But don’t forget that this is just another step in their game to regain dominance.
6) They may try to isolate you
When a narcissist begins to lose control, he or she may resort to drastic measures, such as trying to isolate you from your support network.
This may include discouraging you from spending time with friends and family or speaking negatively about those close to you. Their goal? To make you depend solely on them, thus regaining control of the situation.
Isolation can profoundly affect your emotional health, leaving you feeling alone and unsupported. But remember that you are not alone.
It is essential to maintain contact with your loved ones and seek help when needed. There is strength in numbers, and it is perfectly okay to lean on others during difficult times.
7) They will try to make you feel guilty
Guilt can be a powerful weapon in the hands of a narcissist, especially when they lose control. They may try to manipulate you into feeling guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries.
I remember the time I started asserting my needs in a relationship with a narcissist.
Instead of respecting my boundaries, they twisted things around and made me feel guilty for prioritizing my well-being. They portrayed me as selfish and uncaring when all I was doing was maintaining my mental health.
Make no mistake: setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s essential to your well-being. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty because you’re prioritizing yourself.
8) They may become too cute
This may come as a surprise, but when a narcissist feels they are losing control, they may suddenly become incredibly kind.
This sudden shift in behavior can be very confusing. They may shower you with compliments, gifts, or promises of change. It’s all part of their attempt to regain the control they feel they’ve lost.
However, it is important to remember that this change is likely to be temporary and strategic. It’s not about genuine remorse or a desire to change, it’s about taking back control.
Although it may be tempting to fall for this offensive charm, it is essential to stay grounded and remember their past behavior.
9) They will threaten or intimidate you
When a narcissist feels his or her grip is slipping, they will often resort to threats or intimidation as a way to regain control.
These threats can come in different shapes and sizes. They may threaten to withdraw from you, hurt themselves, or even spread harmful rumors about you. The goal is to instill fear and make you feel helpless, thus putting them back in charge.
Dealing with these threats can be incredibly stressful. But your safety should always come first. If you feel threatened, do not hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or even the authorities if necessary.
10) They will deny their behavior
One of the most disturbing behaviors a narcissist may display when feeling threatened is complete denial.
They may insist that they never said or did certain things, or imply that you are exaggerating or remembering incorrectly. Not only is this denial an evasion of responsibility, it is a tactic designed to make you doubt your reality.
It can be incredibly confusing, but stick to your truth. Your experiences are valid, and no one has the right to detract from or reject them. Recognizing these tactics is the first step to taking back your power.
FinalThoughts: It’s about empowerment
Dealing with a narcissist when he or she has lost control can feel like sailing on a stormy sea. But controlling their behavior can give you a feeling of empowerment.
Let’s be clear: their actions are not about you. Narcissists operate from a place of deep insecurity, using control as a shield for their fragile self-image.
