The beauty of those who are treated poorly in relationships is the strength and self-esteem you gain through the hard knocks.
A common and understandable mistake made by disadvantaged and oppressed people is to hold themselves accountable and justify poor treatment by others.
It’s nice to have a compassionate heart, but when it comes to your inner circle, especially your romantic partner, you should be unapologetic about your standards and not let your compassion for others get the better of you. In other words, don’t feed your pearls to pigs.
The right person lifts you and treats you with the respect you deserve.
If you find yourself wondering if he loves you despite his abusive behavior, you’ve answered your question: no.
He doesn’t love you, not because you’re unlovable, but because his ability to love is weak and because you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
Related: 8 Tiny Warning Signs That Scream ‘Do Not Marry Him!’
The majority of people do not intend to harm others. However, many cause harm, not because that is their intention, but because they are so caught up in their suffering that they cannot consider the needs of others.
They are not in love, so they cannot love you.
When a person with whom you are in a romantic relationship does not show you tender care and sympathy, it is because he lives in such a narrow psychological world that all he can do is greedily protect himself. Or worse – causing actual harm to others.
Related: 6 Warning Signs Your Husband Or Wife Is A Bully
Here are 10 things a good man will never do to the woman he loves:
- It puts destructive habits in front of you
Addiction hinders a person’s ability to love. a period. If it is addicted to substances, their love diminishes further as it changes their mental and physical state.
Very few things in life are guaranteed, but you can never be deeply loved by someone with an addiction because they will always put the target of the addiction before you. Addiction is inherently narcissistic and self-destructive.
- He threatens you physically, emotionally, or verbally
This seems obvious, but those of us who have been threatened and/or abused know the insidious power of the abusive cycle.
Not only does this lower your self-worth, but the declines that come with chemical abuse are so severe that the feel-good oxytocin that is released into your bloodstream when your abuser “loves” you becomes addicted again.
True love is grounded, trustworthy, and stable.
- He pressures you to do things for him that you don’t feel comfortable doing
The classic sign of self-centeredness is someone who pressures you to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing and has no respect for you. You are something for him, to be used as his energy source.
If you are empathetic and giving by nature, you should be especially wary of this trap. You feel good by giving, and he feels good by taking—it’s the perfect storm that leads to destruction and classic dysfunctional relationships.
It has nothing to do with love, but rather with low self-worth and the search for identity through another person.
Related: 7 behaviors that signal you’re dealing with an emotionally draining person, according to psychology
- He repeatedly fails to keep his word or lies to you
The four agreements drawn up by Don Miguel Ruiz highlighted the importance of this reality. It’s been said that it’s better to live in a tent if you have to than in a palace with a man you can’t trust.
Your romantic relationship is one of the most intimate relationships in your life, and what makes it intimate is trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Trust is the foundation of your relational home. If he does not keep his word, you are not safe with him.
- He ignores or neglects you
Someone who truly loves you knows how special you are. He shows you care and concern because he truly cherishes you. Neglected people are not available for love, to themselves or anyone else.
They are stuck at a very small level of emotional development, and no matter how great you are or what you do, he simply cannot give you the care you deserve, and never will.
Related: 8 signs someone is trying a bit too hard to seem classy
- He speaks in a rude, rude, or disrespectful manner
You need the person you are dealing with to be a real gentleman (Yiddish for someone of integrity and honor). Whoever speaks rudely in general and in your presence in particular does not honor you, himself, or anyone else.
We teach people how to deal with us. Tolerating disrespectful talk tells them that their words are acceptable. Even something as common as a man using the word “girl” to describe a mature woman is arrogant, degrading, and sexually twisted. We don’t call grown men “boys” because that would insult their maturity and masculinity.
When you have an unpleasant physical reaction to the words someone uses, there is usually a very good reason for it. That’s because they’re not loving.
- He shows or acts out an interest in pursuing other women
It’s healthy, normal, and natural to feel attracted to others whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Acting on that attraction is another thing entirely. Commitment is a sign of love and devotion. If someone isn’t committed to you, they don’t love you.
If you have a sick child, you should take time off work and self-interest to care for that child. Abandoning your parental duties because other things are more attractive to you means that you do not truly love your child. The same is true in romance.
- He acts as if your needs are a burden or a nuisance in his life
One of the most self-suppressive things you can do in relationships is to pretend that you don’t have any needs. We all need to be loved, appreciated and cared for both emotionally and physically.
If you experienced neglect or abuse as a child, you will probably subconsciously believe that you are a burden, but that is not true! You deserve a companion who can treat you like a precious gem who deserves the best.
- He criticizes you, belittles you, or belittles you
In general, criticism is soul-crushing. Most people are critical of themselves enough.
The last person we need to hear more negative comments from is our partner. There is a difference between those who offer helpful suggestions and those who criticize.
The latter makes you feel bad about yourself. Don’t tolerate it. Not for a second.
- He makes everything revolve around him, and constantly demands your time, energy, and attention
A healthy, loving partner appreciates your love but does not demand it to satisfy his or her ego.
Anything that is out of balance, including relationships, is susceptible to illness. Relationships are a two-way street that everyone shares.
You will have an intuitive sense when someone absorbs your energy. Pay attention to that insider knowledge because it will only get worse.