What makes some people lie in relationships? Why do they do that? Is lying ever acceptable?
People lie for different reasons, but lying has always been part of human nature.
Lies can get us out of some difficult situations in life, but they also cause problems.
There are different reasons why people lie in a relationship.
Some of these causes are common, and some are rare. Read on to discover the top ten reasons why people fall in love.
Is lying common in relationships?
yes, it is. Lying, in general, is common. It doesn’t matter who you are, lying is a universal trait.
No matter how much we value honesty, studies show that the majority of us lie in our relationships.
One study found that 73.4% of people who were in a relationship for at least a year admitted to lying to their partners.
Psychologist Bella Di Paolo’s research shows that we lie in about a fifth of our social exchanges that last longer than 10 minutes.
During a typical week, we tell about 30% of the people we interact with a lot of things.
Perhaps more important is the frequency with which a person lies and the volume of those lies.
Not all lies are created equal, and the motivation behind a lie will likely affect how damaging that lie is.
What makes people lie in a relationship?
1) Avoid hurting others’ feelings
You may think that lying is never okay, or you may think that it depends on the situation. Many of us feel that so-called “white lies” can sometimes be kinder than the truth.
Naturally, we want our partners to be happy, so we can fall into people-pleasing lies.
For example, if your partner asks you if you like the dinner he lovingly prepared for you, but you don’t. Or if they want to know what you think about the gift they bought you for Christmas, and you hate it.
On these occasions, many of us lie to protect the feelings of the people we care about.
We pass judgment to protect others from harsh truth in an attempt to protect them. Sometimes the truth is not as important as maintaining peace and kindness.
For example, if your partner struggles with certain insecurities, is being honest more important than being tactful?
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If you don’t like their new clothes or haircut, should you tell them? Many of us decide that it is better to err on the side of caution and lie instead for the sake of being polite.
2) To cover up bad behavior
When we learned how to lie as children, we discovered that lies can help you avoid punishment. This is an ongoing theme that follows us into adulthood as well.
Sometimes we lie because we are afraid that we will find out that we are doing something bad. Perhaps the most classic example in the world of romance is infidelity.
In this way, we use lies to try to hide our mistakes.
Taking responsibility for our actions can seem like a big ask. The harsh truth is that the cowardly way often seems easier.
Rather than risk losing their partner by coming clean, many people will try to cover their tracks and tell lies instead.
These bigger lies may include covering up cheating, addiction, or even criminal activity.
When we lie to cover up bad behavior, we often end up causing more problems than we solve. We may lose trust in our partner, damaging the relationship beyond repair.
Keeping big secrets within a relationship can quickly lead to its downfall.
3) To avoid conflict
We all know that conflicts are inevitable when two people are together. However, sometimes we choose not to face this reality.
If you are afraid of conflict, you may resort to lying simply to avoid confrontation. You can say things like:
“I’m fine,” “It doesn’t bother me,” or “I didn’t notice.”
But in reality, you feel anxious, upset and uncomfortable.
The problem with using lies to avoid conflict is that they only work temporarily. Ultimately, you’ll need to deal with the problem head-on.
Admitting the truth is scary because you fear losing your partner when you reveal it.
But if you’re afraid of rocking the boat in your relationship, you may end up burying relationship problems that are bound to resurface.
It’s important to be able to express our needs and desires to our partners, and if you’re too afraid of conflict, this often won’t happen.
4) To show themselves better than they are
Lying can also help people feel more attractive.
People may lie about their weight, height, age, job, education, salary, or marital status.
But the basic motivation is the same. It’s about hyping themselves up in the hopes of looking more attractive.
The goal of lying is to influence. But people who tell this kind of lies deep down are usually insecure in some way.
They are not confident that who they are is good enough. So they stretch the truth or invent things that they think are more desirable.
Online dating can be a breeding ground for these types of lies.
People may lie about their age, turning back the clock in the hopes of attracting more suitors. They may lie about their body type and appearance, or their job and financial situation. Many also lie about their relationship status as well.
Whatever the case may be, as many as 57% of people admit to lying to each other on their online dating profiles.
5) To hide something they are ashamed of
Lying is like a shield we use to protect ourselves.
Often this is a shield to prevent embarrassment. Therefore, if you feel embarrassed about something, you might try to cover it up.
Many people lie to hide embarrassing secrets such as drug use, debt, or alcohol abuse.
Shame can be an incredibly powerful motivator that causes us to hide the truth from the people we care about most. We worry that our partner will think less of us.
Even when we haven’t done anything directly bad to our other half, we still feel the need to lie about things we’ve done to ourselves that we’re ashamed of.
6) To manipulate someone or a situation
Lying may be deceitful, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes it doesn’t get us what we want.
Thus, sometimes people lie out of satisfying their own agenda and interests.
For example, narcissists will often lie in a relationship to get their own way and control you. They may lie to get attention, money, sex, or power over others.
Some people lie to gain sympathy or to win arguments. Others lie to trick someone into doing something they would not have done otherwise.
People sometimes lie to manipulate others in a way that serves them. Another word for this might also be to use someone.
7) To protect their ego
No one likes to be wrong.
We can find ourselves resorting to lying in a relationship in order to save face and protect our fragile ego.
You don’t want to look foolish or be seen as weak. So you have to say anything to avoid looking stupid.
It is a form of self-protection and defense mechanism when we feel threatened.
Lying exists to protect them from getting hurt, their ego from feeling crushed, or their flaws from being exposed.
8) For suspense
If the idea that lying is sexy seems very strange to you, you might be surprised to hear that there is some logic behind it all.
For some people, especially pathological liars who seem unable to help themselves, lying can stimulate the brain’s risk-reward center.
It’s similar to the way some people get out of risky behavior.
When this happens, lying can become habitual and difficult to control because it is almost automatic.
Lying becomes second nature to them. They lie because it feels good.
9) It’s easier than dealing with the truth
Sometimes people resort to lying because they lack the skills to communicate effectively about difficult topics.
Related : The ultimate guide to breaking up with a narcissist
What might ostensibly be justified as sparing another person’s feelings is not actually about protecting the other person from the truth—it’s more about protecting themselves from the discomfort caused by the truth.
Lies the moment we tell them to seem easier than facing reality.
Many people justify lies in relationships in which they tell themselves they are good, but in reality, they are weak.
They don’t know how to tell someone they don’t love them anymore, so they stay silent. They don’t know how to raise a thorny issue, so they don’t do it.
But unfortunately, this kind of lies by omission will lead nowhere. At some point, we need to find the courage to say what’s on our mind, no matter how uncomfortable we feel.
10) It is a coping strategy
People use lies to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, sadness, trauma, anger, fear, shame, loneliness, and many other uncomfortable human emotions.
They lie when they feel angry, sad, afraid, confused, upset, guilty, ashamed, fearful, exhausted, or even bored.
They lie to make themselves feel better and to protect their self-esteem, confidence, or other feelings.
Some people can get so attached to their lies that they begin to believe them. Lying is one of the coping strategies we can cling to in life and relationships.
The harmful effects of lying in a relationship
We’ve established that most of us will sometimes lie in our relationships, the types of lies we tell, and our motivations for doing so.
But what about the consequences? What is the effect of lies on our relationships?
Well, there are three main areas where lies can profoundly affect our relationships:
- In the field of communications
- In confidence
- In Commitment
Let’s take a closer look at each area.
