What makes some people lie in relationships? Why do they do that? Is lying okay?

People lie for different reasons, but lying has always been part of human nature.

Lies can get us out of some difficult situations in life, but they also cause problems.

There are many reasons why people lie in a relationship.

Some of these causes are common, while some are rare. Read on to discover the top 10 reasons why people lie in love.

Is lying common in relationships?

yes it is. In fact, lying in general is a common occurrence. No matter who you are, lying is a universal trait.

No matter how much we value honesty, studies show that the majority of us tell lies in our relationships.

In fact, one survey found that 73.4% of people who had been in a relationship for at least a year admitted to lying to their partners.

Psychologist Bella DiPaolo’s research shows that we fall into about a fifth of social exchanges that last longer than 10 minutes.

During a typical week we tell whopping to about 30% of the people we interact with.

Perhaps most important is the frequency with which someone lies, and the magnitude of those lies.

Not all lies are equal, and the motivation behind the lie is likely to influence how destructive that lie is.

What makes people lie in a relationship?

1) To avoid hurting the feelings of others
You may think that lying is never good, or you may think that it depends on the situation. Many of us feel that so-called “white lies” can sometimes be kinder than the truth.

We naturally want our partners to be happy, and so we can fall into people-pleasing lies.

For example, if your partner asks if you like the dinner he made for you with love, but you don’t. Or if they want to know what you think of the gift they bought you for Christmas, and in fact, you hate it.

On these occasions, many of us tell lies in order to spare the feelings of the people we care about.

We issue a call to judge others from the harsh truth in an effort to protect them. Sometimes the truth is not as important as keeping the peace and being kind.

For example, if your partner has certain insecurities, is honesty more important than tact?

If you don’t like their new clothes or haircut, should you tell them? Many of us decide that it is better to err on the side of caution and lie instead in order to be polite.

2) Cover up bad behavior
When we were taught how to lie as children, we discovered that lies can help you avoid punishment. This is an ongoing theme that follows us into adulthood.

Sometimes we lie because we are afraid of getting caught up in something bad. Perhaps the most classic example in the realm of romance is infidelity.

In this way, we use lies to try to hide our mistakes.

Taking responsibility for our actions can seem like a big ask. The harsh truth is that the cowardly way is often the easiest.

Rather than risk losing a partner through recovery, many people will try to hide their tracks and lie instead.

These bigger lies may involve covering up cheating, addiction, or even criminal activity.

When we lie to cover up bad behavior, we often end up causing more problems than we solve. We may lose faith in our partner, and damage the relationship beyond repair.

Keeping big secrets in a relationship can quickly lead to their downfall.

3) To avoid conflict
We all know that conflicts are inevitable when two people are together. However, we sometimes choose not to face this reality.

If you fear conflict, you may resort to lying just to avoid confrontation. You can say things like:

“I’m fine,” “It doesn’t bother me,” or “I didn’t notice.”

But down below, you actually feel anxious, upset, and uncomfortable.

The problem with using lies to avoid conflict is that they only work temporarily. Ultimately, you will need to deal with the problem head on.

The truth is scary to admit because you are afraid of losing your partner when you reveal it.

But if you’re afraid of rocking the boat in your relationship, you may end up burying relationship problems that are bound to resurface.

It’s important to be able to express our needs and wants to our partners, and if you’re too afraid of conflict, it usually doesn’t happen.

4) They make themselves look better than they really are

Lying can also help people feel more attractive.

People may lie about their weight, height, age, job, education, salary, or marital status.

But the basic motivation is the same. It’s about promoting themselves in hopes of looking more attractive.

The point of lying is to influence. But the people who tell these kinds of lies deep down are usually insecure in some way.

They are not sure they are good enough. And so they extend the truth or invent things that they think are more desirable.

Online dating can be a hotbed for these types of lies.

People may lie about their age, turning back the clock in hopes of attracting more suitors. They may lie about their body type and shape or job and financial situation. Many also lie about their relationship status too.

Whatever the case, up to 57% of people admit to lying to each other on their online dating profiles.

5) To hide something they are ashamed of
Lying is like the shield we use to protect ourselves.

Often this shield is to prevent embarrassment. And so if you’re feeling embarrassed about something, you might try to cover it up.

In fact, many people lie to hide embarrassing secrets such as drug use, debt, or alcohol abuse.

Shame can be an incredibly powerful motivator that drives us to hide the truth from the people we care about the most. We worry that our partner won’t think of us.

Even when we don’t directly do something bad to our other half, we still feel the need to lie about the things we’ve done to ourselves that we’re ashamed of.

It’s very difficult to admit, so we just keep quiet.

6) Manipulating a person or a situation
Lying can be dishonest, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sometimes get us what we want.

Thus, people sometimes lie out of the motive of catering to their own agenda and interests.

Narcissists often lie within a relationship to get their own way and to control you. They may lie to gain attention, money, sex, or power over others.

Some people lie to gain sympathy or to win an argument. Others lie to trick someone into doing something they would not have done otherwise.

Sometimes people lie to manipulate others in a way that serves them. Another word for this might also be to use someone.

7) To protect their ego
Nobody likes to be wrong.

We can find ourselves reaching for a lie within the relationship in order to save face and protect our fragile egos.

You don’t want to look like a fool or be seen as weak. So you will say anything to avoid looking stupid.

It is a form of self-protection and defense mechanism whenever we feel threatened.

The lie is there to protect them from being hurt, to keep them from feeling crushed or their flaws from being exposed.

8) To stir it up
If the thought of lying as a thrill seems too strange to you, you might be surprised to hear that there is some logic behind it all.

For some people, especially pathological liars who can’t seem to help themselves, lying can trigger the risk-reward center in the brain.

It is similar to the way some people get away with risky behaviour.

When this happens, lying can become habitual and difficult to control because it is almost automatic.

Lying becomes like second nature to them. They lie because it feels good.

9) It’s easier said than done with the truth
Sometimes people resort to lying because they lack the skills to communicate effectively about difficult topics.

What can ostensibly be justified as sparing another person’s feelings is actually less of protecting the other person from the truth—and more of protecting himself from being upset about the truth.

Lying in the moment we tell them they feel is easier than facing reality.

The excuse for a lot of people lies in relationships telling themselves they’re good, but they’re actually weak.

They don’t know how to tell someone they no longer love them, so they just keep quiet. They don’t know how to raise a thorny issue, so they don’t.

But alas, these kinds of lies by omission don’t go anywhere. At some point, we need to find the courage to say what’s on our minds, no matter how uncomfortable we feel.

10) It’s a coping strategy

People use lies to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, sadness, shock, anger, fear, shame, loneliness, and many other uncomfortable human emotions.

They lie when they are angry, sad, scared, confused, resentful, guilty, ashamed, scared, confused, or even bored.

They lie to make themselves feel better and to protect their self-esteem, confidence, or other feelings.

Some people can get so attached to their lies that they start to believe them. Lying is one coping strategy we can stick to in life and relationships.

The harmful effects of lying in a relationship
We’ve established that most of us sometimes lie about our relationships, the kinds of lies we tell, and our motivations for them.

But what about the consequences? What is the effect of lies on our relationships?

Well, there are three main areas where lies can deeply affect our relationships:

in the field of communications
in confidence
in commitment
Let’s take a closer look at each area.