By now it’s pretty clear to you: you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
So to protect yourself, you’re pulling away… very slowly, hoping they won’t notice.
Unfortunately, they’ve already noticed!
They sensed it the moment you thought about it.
Be careful. They may already be doing tricks to push you away!
Here are 10 subtle things narcissists say when they sense you’re pulling away.
1) “Nobody cares”
So…you try to slowly fade away.
But then they’ll do the “oh shit” thing before you can even set foot out the door.
They’ll say “Nobody cares about me” or “Nobody loves me.”
And of course, if you’re someone who truly cares about others—especially if you’re a highly empathetic person—you can’t stand hearing this.
These words are so painful to your fragile heart that all you might want to do is hug them.
You’ll give up on the idea of leaving them and instead comfort them.
You’ll tell them, “Hey, don’t feel that way. I’m here for you.” So you forgive them for being “a little bit of a narcissist,” and stay.
2) “I’m lucky you’re here”
Narcissists use praise to motivate others to keep doing things for them.
If they want you to stay, they’ll say, “I’m really glad you’re here.”
They’ll even add, “Some people come and go, but you — you’re always there for me. You’re truly one of the kindest people I know.”
Yes, a bit much, but that’s what narcissists do.
They know that praise is an effective trick to win your heart, especially if you have self-esteem issues.
By bombarding you with praise, they hope that you’ll make decisions based on what feels good (and praise is good) and change your mind about leaving them.
3) “We’ll achieve our dreams together”
Before you can even say goodbye, they’ll sell you hope.
They’ll remind you of your goals.
They’ll remind you of your journey together.
They will remind you that it will all be worth it in the end.
They will say “We’re going to be great!” and “We’re going to make our first million dollars this year if we keep at it.”
Be very careful.
Don’t let your dreams and ambitions be manipulated by others.
At some point, you have to draw the line, especially if there’s no guarantee that they’ll be able to fulfill your dreams anyway.
Narcissists can smell desperation… and they’ll play on it if they feel like you’re pulling away from them.
4) “I was there for you, now you’re here for me”
It’s kind of your fault.
One day, when you were in desperate need of help, you accepted their services. Now you have no choice but to return the favor!
Except they want more from you – they want everything from you!
Like a debt that has a 50% interest rate increase, they want your full cooperation and more…
They say this line to remind you that yes, you have no choice but to stay because you owe them too much.
You’re under their control. And getting rid of them will make you an ungrateful person.
This guilt will make you change your mind and stay longer even if you are fully aware that you are a narcissist.
5) “I’m just trying to help”
You realize that they are trying to control you and make decisions for you.
So you assert yourself and ask them to stop what they are doing.
This is when they will say “Oh my God. I was just trying to help,” and then act like they are really upset.
Then when you both calm down, they will say “I know I sounded annoying, but really – I was just trying to help!”
Then they will double down on that by saying “Ultimately, it’s up to you in the end!”
Hearing these lines will make you think “Oh… I was judging you. Maybe they have good intentions.”
And before you know it, you are under their control again… and they are making all the decisions again.
6) “People need to learn that everyone is flawed”
And by “people,” they mean you!
Narcissists say clichés like “Nobody’s perfect” or “We need to understand each other.”
But that’s only when it works for them, of course.
These lines are meant to put you down—to make you question your perception of them, to make you minimize their flaws and become more understanding of their manipulative ways.
That way, when you think “They’re trying to control me!” another voice in your head will respond, “No, maybe I’m failing to see the good in them.”
And voila! They won’t even need to convince you that they have good intentions because they’ve trained you to do it yourself.
7) “Just a little more”
Narcissists love to change things up.
Even if you’ve already kept your promise to them, they’ll say “Just a little more” or “Just one more time, I promise!”
And if you’re walking away, they’ll acknowledge and respect your need to prioritize yourself.
But before that, they’ll ask for more favors before they’ll “let” you walk out the door.
They’ll say “Okay, I get it. You need to focus on yourself. But before you go… can you help me with one more thing?”
Of course, you would if you were still interested in the friendship.
But once they’re done, they’ve already lured you back by executing other manipulation techniques on you without you even knowing it.
8) “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”
“I know I was a little selfish, but I’ll make it up to you. I swear!”
“I know I was a bad person, but I’ll try my best to be better.”
This always works.
Why?
By acknowledging their flaws, we get the impression that they are “self-aware” and “honest,” and therefore true to their word.
But they will never follow through.
They just say these lines because they’re the things you want to hear. And yes, they’re willing to say them if that’s what it takes to keep you around longer.
9) “I feel like I’m a terrible person”
This is similar to the above.
Professional narcissists and manipulators love to use reverse psychology because it’s an easy way to change your mind.
If they sense that you’re pulling away from them, they’ll act sad and say “I’m a terrible person” or “Maybe my parents were right—I can’t do anything right.”
What this does is make you say “No, you’re not that bad” or “No, of course not.” Your parents were wrong about you.”
If you’re still not firm in your decision to leave them, that might be all they need to say to get you back.
10) “Do you still love me?”
Of course, you can’t say “no,” right?
Even if you don’t love them anymore, you won’t say it—at least not out loud! But you also still really care about them!
So you say “Of course, I love you!” or “What kind of question is that?”
But then they say “If you still loved me, you would stick around and support me even a little bit.”
Checkmate. You’re back in their cage.
Leaving would make you a complete idiot now that you’ve already said you love them, right?
Final Thoughts
Narcissists are truly unique.
They’re very smart, which is why they always get what they want.
If you want to outsmart manipulative narcissists, here are some psychologically-backed ways to do it.
You need to understand their game, practice assertive communication, and more.
Remember: your life is your life.
No one has the right to control you, exploit you, or make you a supporting actor in their story.
