Have you ever wondered if the person you love has narcissistic or sociopathic personality traits?
If there’s a buzzword that’s been thrown around almost recklessly in the past few years, it might be narcissism. When someone is seen as ego-centered, too self-focused, or attention-obsessed, they are considered a narcissist.
The reason a sociopath or narcissist is so successful at making his victim submit to his manipulation is because the narcissist is adept at hitting that person’s sweet spot—that vulnerable spot where worthiness is overtaken by unworthiness.
Like a puppeteer, the narcissist pulls the strings with the victim puppet, spewing morsels of praise and kindness, which she quickly sweeps away at the first mistake.
Related: 12 Glaring Classic Examples Of Covert Narcissist Passive-Aggression
Here are 10 distinctive characteristics of a narcissistic or sociopath person
(And the opposite traits of someone with narcissistic personality disorder are hiding at all costs.)
- She is a witch
With 100% attention, flirtation, and looks that scream, “I can’t get enough of you,” the narcissistic charmer is a skilled observer of what needs to be done to get you to admit that “you were welcome.”
The magician intuitively picks up on your weaknesses and takes advantage of them by showering you with praise, compliments, gifts, or anything that speaks to your primary and secondary love language.
When they realize you’re a drug addict, they resort to their default position. This is where the tables turn, and now — even though you don’t know why — you have to really work for the next compliment, or date night, or flowing text.
Anxiety creeps up on you and you come to the conclusion that you have to be more loving and attentive if you want to keep this person in your life. You allow snarky comments, snarky comments; You don’t want to rock the boat because of that lucky catch that miraculously turned up.
Related: 8 Ways To Identify A Covert Narcissist (It’s Easier Than You Think)
- They are confident
They tell you about all their successes at work and in all aspects of life. In their business they talk about being the CEO of a company that was once part of a Fortune 500 company and boasted multi-million dollar deals.
Because you are so confident, and because they are so sure of themselves, you don’t check into their past.
They are very insecure. Their greatness is just smoke and mirrors, and once you spend a small fee for a background check, you can discover failed business careers, potential lawsuits, and even a name change.
- They are “well-educated.”
In casual dinner conversation, they reminisce about their time at elite universities, both undergraduate and graduate – summa cum laude – all in the most humble of terms.
They are actually non-degree students. The narcissist may have taken a couple of community college courses or a continuing education course or two.
Related: Can Narcissists Change? Here’s What You Should Know
- They present themselves as smart
You’re impressed by your ability to bring up any topic and their knowledge of it! You think they are smart and eloquent. From cricket to Feng Shui, to their acclaimed success on how to invest in the stock market — and the best insurance for your 401K — they have all the answers.
They are not actually wise. They don’t know much. But they know how to redirect once their superficial knowledge base on any topic has been exhausted.
They know to always come back to magic and distract you when redirection is required.
- They are friendly
The amiable narcissist brags about his friends all over the world, telling you that they are loved by many. You’ll hear about lifelong friends in far away places, and even former lovers who still think they’re cool; And who are still friends with them.
They actually have few to zero friends. You won’t know this until you try to meet up with these old friends, as your narcissist will have plenty of excuses for why the timing isn’t right.
He’s out of town; She’s having a hard time; They are very busy. They swear they can be friends with everyone: They tell you they broke up with their ex, but they remain friends because their ex “was a really good person.”
They actually lie, manipulate and belittle themselves.
They have mastered the body language, intonation, and personality of being a person with character. In fact, they broke up with their ex, and his ex paid to get them out of their hair. The narcissist paints a picture of how he gets along great with his ex, but in reality he has a restraining order against him.
Related: If You Love Using This Social Media App, You’re Definitely A Narcissist
- They will destroy your happiness
Finally you feel so happy to be with someone who understands you completely and to whom you can tell anything. Because you think they are so charming, confident, and smart, you can vent to them and they will listen to you with great interest.
But you start to worry that you’re not good enough.
Like a slow drop, the distortion subtly falls and eventually fills you with a reservoir of shame and disempowerment. This happens when you experience the slightest elevated mood or tone that has nothing to do with the narcissist.
It can be a hit at work, a hit! She hears a cold comment: “I didn’t realize it was such a stretch to ask you to do the dry cleaning on your way home from your coveted job. You forgot. Again.”
Related: How To Deal With A Narcissist — 8 Smart & Simple Steps
- They claim to share your beliefs
Whether you are religious, spiritual, value family above all else, or work above all else, they will completely approve of everything you value. If you have a religious orientation, they will become new members of your place of worship at the first opportunity.
No one is more pious than a narcissist, and they will tell you (perhaps a lie) how their childhood experience with religion shaped the integrity and spirit of who they are today.
They are in fact without values. It’s all part of the show to draw you in to reflect everything you like and love. They believe in only one higher power: themselves.
Related: How I (Barely) Survived My Narcissist Mother
- They will pretend to be inclusive
The narcissist claims that the more the merrier, the more he asks you to have everyone join you for dinner, at your house, or at a party. As the saying goes, it’s all fun and games… so they can see you’re having fun without being the sole reason for your high mood.
They are actually experts in alienation. If you are at a party and wander off or leave their side for more than five minutes, there will be a consequence down the road.
Next time you want to get together with family and friends, there will be an excuse, a hiccup, a feigned illness, or a fight brought on by the narcissist who wants to distance you from everyone else who makes you feel good about yourself.
Your friends and family gently point out a red flag or two, but you ignore these well-meaning and loving people because you’ve fallen into the narcissistic web of manipulation.
Related: The Most Overlooked Symptom Of Narcissism
- They claim to be people of integrity
They do their best to explain and prove how benevolent they are; How loyal and trustworthy they are to all their many friends.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder will share stories of how they support their friends, which is intended to bring tears to your eyes. Then you wonder: “How could I be so lucky?”
They are deceitful. Their moral compass is non-existent. Short-sighted, they will stop at nothing to satisfy their own needs. They make up stories about the kindness they have extended to others, which you accept because you will never meet these supposed friends.
The narcissist will keep you away from his network of friends, which is actually just an illusion. While they talk about being deeply present with their old friends and communities, they are often on the run.
They have been exposed for their past negativity, and like nomads, they will go somewhere new to start a new charade.
Related: To My Narcissistic Psychopathic Mother, I Am “The Face That Understands Her”
- They are dynamic and adventurous, especially in sex
They dazzle you with romantic getaways that they know you will love, as well as giving you romantic attention. They whisper sexual fantasies to you during the plane ride to your vacation, dropping hints about their prowess as lovers. You want to join the Mile High Club right then and there.
They are actually unable to meet your needs. You are left with their whispered words evaporating into the air. The narcissist cannot experience connection, so they place all the responsibility for this strange feeling of disconnection on you.
The feeling of emptiness inside is so palpable that you’re spending a little more time looking at your appearance, exercising more, while at the same time second-guessing yourself about your sexuality.
