The “perfect relationship” is a myth. If you’ve been with us at Ideapod long enough, you know how hard we try to debunk that myth for you.
It’s a mythical (and highly profitable) one that’s been promoted by romantic comedies and Instagram influencers.
But what does a truly healthy relationship look like, beyond the impromptu photos and gushing comments?
Well, I have some ideas that might surprise you!
Forget the clichés about candlelit dinners and endless passion.
Read on to learn more about 10 surprisingly specific signs that you’re in a relationship that’s not just good, but healthy, according to science and your best (but well-meaning) internet friend:
1) Silence Isn’t Awkward
Forget the pressure to fill every moment with meaningless chatter (it’s air at this point.)
Healthy couples enjoy comfortable silence.
They don’t find crickets chirping or grass stomping awkward. Their ability to sit together in silence is more of an indicator of how comfortable they are with each other.
Imagine being able to watch a show without narrating every scene, or taking a road trip without feeling the need to play “I spy with my little eye.”
Comfortable silence suggests just that. An increased degree of comfort, and the pleasure of sitting in each other’s company without having to put on a show.
2) You Don’t Have to Ask for an Apology
Forget that annoying “sorry” you mumble through clenched teeth, which you had to pry from your partner’s lips in the first place.
In a healthy relationship, apologies flow freely and sincerely, without having to be forced or begged for.
You admit your mistakes, even when it’s hard to do so. You may not have always done so, but it comes naturally now.
In response, your partner does the same. Neither of you has to ask for an apology—it’s readily offered whenever the situation calls for it.
3) Cuddle time after a fight!
Conflicts are inevitable, but healthy couples know how to fight fairly and reconnect afterward.
You might fight over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, or squabble over whose turn it is to take the dog out, but you can still cuddle and watch a movie later.
Research shows that couples who engage in physical affection after a fight report higher relationship satisfaction.
4) Shared Secret Language
Every couple develops their language, whether it’s pet names, passwords, or jokes that no one else in the world understands.
This shared secret language is a sign of intimacy, a way to create a bubble that only you two understand.
A single comment or a stolen glance can send you a chuckle thanks to the interconnected history you share, layered with memorable events and silly jokes.
It’s like having your club, filled with secret handshakes, silly nicknames, and general misbehavior.
5) “I told you so” (never happens)
We all love to be right, but in a healthy relationship, you resist the urge to say “I told you so” when your partner makes a mistake.
Prioritize their needs over your fleeting desire to win an argument or be right and proud of it.
Instead of gloating, offer lots of support and empathy (maybe with a little empathy).
This incredibly healthy behavior creates a safe space where you can both share thoughts, feelings, and mistakes without fear of being shamed for it.
6) Ugly Crying Isn’t a Big Deal
Everyone has those moments when they just need to get it all out.
In a healthy relationship, you have the freedom to ugly cry, to cry loudly and scream, without fear of judgment or ridicule.
Your partner will be there with a tissue and a hug—not a camera, a wry smile, and a sarcastic comment.
This kind of unconditional support is essential to emotional intimacy and is another cornerstone of that vital safe space we mentioned earlier.
7) Compliments still happen (regularly!)
Even when you’re in your worst gym clothes and haven’t showered in two days, your partner still finds you attractive.
And they don’t just appreciate your inner beauty—they express it.
This doesn’t have to be a shower of fake compliments, but a pat on the back or a wink.
Healthy relationships don’t allow that spark of attraction to ignite (even if one of you hasn’t showered in a while).
They value your inner beauty as much (or even more) than your outer appearance.
8) “I love you” is said in other ways
While verbal expressions of affection and reassurance are important, healthy couples do more than just express their love.
They show it with actions as much as they do with words.
Think of small gestures, like making you coffee in the morning surprising you with your favorite snack, or taking the weight off your shoulders by doing menial tasks for you.
Healthy relationships involve a great deal of affirmation and reassurance, even if it’s spoken silently or invisible to the naked eye.
9) Openness to Discuss Anything
You can talk about anything and everything with your partner.
Even the hard stuff, including your deepest, darkest secrets, your slightly embarrassing fears, your insecurities, and your worries.
With the safe space you’ve built together, you feel safe and comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs, knowing that they’ll listen without judgment.
10) Your Cheerleader
Your partner isn’t just your best friend and lover, they’re your biggest cheerleader.
They believe in you. Even when you don’t.
They push you to be your best self—not out of competition—but out of genuine love and support.
They have a deep belief in your abilities, and they want nothing but the best for you in every situation.
As relationship expert Brené Brown says, “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
The Bottom Line
Healthy relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about connection, authenticity, and mutual respect.
They’re about finding someone who accepts you for who you are, including your quirks and complexities!
By recognizing these 10 surprisingly specific signs, you can not only assess the health of your relationship but also learn how to improve the qualities that make a relationship truly thrive.
So the next time you’re wondering if your relationship is real, forget the big gestures and focus on the little things.
Comfortable silences, unwanted apologies, and a shared secret language—these are the true signs of a love that’s built to last. Go ahead and appreciate it!
