Friends are supposed to make you feel good, not bad.
They’re supposed to lift you, not drag you down.
Right?
Right?
Why do you sometimes feel like this isn’t the case with all your friendships?
You know exactly who I’m talking about, right?
That friend who doesn’t always seem to support you or have your best interests at heart. Well, if you suspect something, you may have a very good reason for it.
Sometimes, we end up being “friends” with people who don’t treat us well at all, and who manipulate us and play games for their benefit.
If you’re wondering whether or not this friend is being honest, here are ten signs that you’re being manipulated by a friend without even realizing it.
1) They’re Controlling.
Here’s one of the biggest signs that you’re being manipulated by a friend.
They’re very controlling and want to influence what you say, do, and think all the time.
If you’ve been friends with this person for a long time, you might think this is normal. It’s just their nature!
Nope.
Do they expect you to do whatever they say whenever they want? Do they think you should drop everything when they click their fingers?
Well, that’s okay, as long as they treat you the same. If you have a fair and equal amount of give and take in your relationship, you’re just great friends.
But if the relationship is one-sided, they’re using you and manipulating you.
2) They Create Drama.
Not everyone who loves drama is a manipulator.
Some people love intrigue and are extremely sensitive to what’s going on between people. It fascinates them and they can’t get enough.
They’ll gossip, spread rumors, and talk about people behind their backs because it’s fun.
But manipulative people do all of these same things for a completely different reason. They aim to create chaos, change people’s alliances, and even destroy them.
If you’re worried that you’re being manipulated by a friend, just look at how they talk to you about others.
Are they being fair and honest, or are they trying to start something and get you to help make it happen?
3) They make you feel guilty.
Manipulation is about gaining an advantage.
The American Psychological Association defines manipulation as “behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others for one’s benefit.”
So what advantage might a friend gain by making you feel guilty?
When you feel guilty, you want that feeling to go away. This can lead you to apologize, bow out, and offer to do things to make up for what you think you did.
In other words, they’ve put you where they want you.
So they’re happy to take offense at the slightest slight or let you feel bad about things that most friends would easily tolerate.
The guilt you feel connects you to them and, in their minds, gives them the upper hand.
4) They feel like they deserve your attention.
Manipulative friends will act weird when you don’t give them the attention they want or when you spend time with other people.
It’s a lot like jealous behavior in a relationship.
What happens is that they feel entitled to your attention, and when they don’t get it, they can act badly.
They might try to guilt trip you into canceling a night out with them and going to visit your grandmother in the hospital.
RELATED:15 clever mind games narcissists play to trap you in their web
Or they might give you the silent treatment if you don’t respond to their texts about their relationship problems in the middle of the night.
I was sleeping. How selfish of you.
They feel like they own your time and attention, and that’s not how people act in normal, healthy friendships.
5) They pressure you.
I had a friend who would always push me to do things I didn’t like.
He would always push me to go out to bars and clubs with him, even though that’s not my thing.
Well, I would just go hang out with him.
But once we got there, he would always push me to drink way too much. He would buy me shots and fill my drinks even when I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t drinking much, and I would tell him over and over that I didn’t want to get drunk.
He didn’t seem to care what I wanted, and it seemed like he enjoyed pushing me around.
This is what manipulative people do.
They don’t respect your boundaries and try to push them and force you to do things you don’t want to do.
Anyway, I’m sure you can tell we’re no longer friends!
6) They make you feel like everything is your fault.
Emotional manipulation is truly terrible.
This is when someone tries to influence your emotions in a way that benefits them but not you.
One of the most common ways people do this is by making you feel like everything that goes wrong is your fault.
Why?
Because it tramples on your self-esteem and makes you a pawn in their hands.
Whenever something goes wrong in a relationship, they either blame you or let you take the blame.
Imagine you plan to meet at a restaurant, but you end up waiting outside different concession stands. Who’s at fault? You!
What if you don’t talk or see each other for a while? Who’s the inattentive friend?
Yes, you again!
If it’s always you and never them, then this so-called friend has been manipulating you without you even realizing it.
7) They always want things to go their way.
Manipulation is about power, and a true manipulator believes that there should be an imbalance of power in every relationship… to their advantage of course!
So if you have a friend who seems to have a permanent hold on power, beware because this is a sign that they are willing and able to manipulate you.
Friendships are largely defined by equality.
You feel like you can rely on each other, share experiences with each other, and go through challenges together.
So why does your friend always seem to want to have the upper hand?
This may manifest itself through constant competition with you. They may also try to control how and where you meet so that it is always on their turf or with people who will be on their team.
If they always want that and they are not from the Backstreet Boys, they are probably manipulating you.
8) They ask for favors all the time.
People manipulate others to gain advantages and create benefits for themselves. They don’t care about what you lose when they gain.
Friends ask each other for help because friends are the people you are supposed to be able to count on when you need help.
But the flip side is that they also help each other.
If you have a friend who is always asking you for help and offering you help but never reciprocating, one of two things is going on.
Either they’re the type who needs a lot of help or gets themselves into trouble all the time, or they’re taking advantage of your kind nature.
9) They’re getting defensive.
Have you ever tried to confront a friend about an issue and they suddenly get defensive?
All you’re doing is trying to be heard and express your feelings, but they won’t listen. They may become aggressive and try to turn things around on you.
They may try to deflect all criticism away from themselves and onto other situations or people to avoid blame.
A genuine, caring friend will listen to your concerns and try to consider them. They usually feel bad when they hear how their behavior has affected you.
But they’re not being manipulative.
They’ll do everything they can to protect themselves and make it not about them.
10) They’re manipulating others.
Well, that makes perfect sense, right?
If someone is manipulating others, what’s stopping them from manipulating you?
When someone is a skilled manipulator, they don’t tell their victims that they’re being manipulated. That’s the whole point!
Sure, you may notice when this person is manipulating others, but that’s because they’re not focused on deceiving you at the time.
But when they turn their attention to you, they may be so skilled at manipulating that you don’t even notice anything, even the warning signs I’ve identified above.
So, at least be on the lookout for manipulation directed at others because it may come to you, too.
Final Thoughts
These 10 signs that you’re being manipulated by a friend without even realizing it—yet!—will help you figure things out.
If you think you’re being manipulated, it’s time to have a serious conversation. But if that doesn’t work, you may need to dump this toxic friend once and for all.
