I’ve talked a lot about having a support system and its benefits. But what if your support system is actually the most toxic part of your life?
Having a toxic support system is like asking a guy who kicks you in the shin what he thinks you should do to make him stop. It’s weird and confusing, and you can’t really solve any problems that way.
Yes, it’s good to have a healthy support system, but how do you know which is which?
Signs that your support system is toxic
It may seem like the people who care about you, really care about you. You think about your family and assume they don’t want you any harm, right?
There are those who already know about the dysfunction in their families and with their friends. However, we keep coming back to them for help. Is it toxic? Or are we just misunderstanding the advice?
Let’s examine several signs of a toxic support system.
- Feeding on drama
Pay attention to people when you tell them your problems. Do their eyes light up when you talk about negative situations? Do they get excited when you talk about being hurt?
If so, you are dealing with someone who thrives on drama. They are not a healthy source of support. Stop feeding them.
- Hypocrites
Have you ever shared something negative with your family that you did, only to be criticized, and then they do the same? Well, a toxic support system will have a hypocrite giving you advice that they wouldn’t take themselves.
Let’s say your sister tells you to stop judging people, yet you watch her judge her friends all the time. You cannot learn to become better if the person helping you is unhealthy or worse. Don’t talk to hypocrites.
- Your mind abuses them
The toxic person in your support system will want you to think like they do. If you decide to reject their advice, they act as if you did something wrong to them. They feel insulted, and people who have been insulted can sometimes hold a grudge.
These are not positive people who want to help you. These are people who want to train a pet. Don’t be fooled.
- Gossip
People who talk to you about other people will also talk about you to other people. I know you’ve heard that before. And this is true.
If you consider the person who gossips to be a member of your support system, you are wrong. Don’t let gossips know your business, because they don’t really support you at all.
- They create conflict
Another sign that you may have a toxic support system is that someone close to you likes to stir up trouble. Have you noticed how your dad likes to start a fight and then drag your name into the conversation?
Yes, this is not good at all. Not only does it cause unnecessary drama, it also gets you involved. He may tell you that he’s doing the work for you, but it’s just for his own pleasure.
Maybe it’s not your father, but your sister, or your friends. Either way, the instigators are toxic people pretending to support you.
- Unreasonable and unnatural
A fake support system will suggest unreasonable or unnatural solutions to your problems.
For example, you could be married to a toxic man who masquerades as a supporter. This is all kinds of messed up. Your husband may think that if you threaten to quit your job, you will surely get what you ask for.
This is just an exaggeration. This is also a toxic support system in your life, which is not supportive at all.
- Inappropriate and disrespectful
You may consider your spouse to be your main source of support. This may be true. Then again, she may not respect your space and time and talk harshly about your friends and family. It is not a healthy support system. She has toxic traits such as selfishness.
Now, I think that’s a bit harsh, but the truth doesn’t lie. You can see negative behavior when you would rather insult your friends than help you make peace with them.
- Childish treatment
If you have a somewhat childish group of people telling you how childish you are, it doesn’t make sense. You will not be able to learn from immaturity.
The one thing you can learn from this group is to know exactly what you don’t want to be. Childish people cannot help others learn how to make mature decisions. They are toxic parts of your support system.
- Never take responsibility
If your mother never takes responsibility for her actions, what can she teach you? People need to be honest about who they are and take responsibility for the mistakes they have made. This means a lot.
If they can’t do this simple task in life, they won’t be able to support or help you either. It is toxic to deny things rather than face them.
- Just be negative all the time
Here’s personal experience: I have a friend who is always negative about everything. But for some strange reason, I keep going to him for advice. As I started writing this blog post, I realized that my boyfriend was a toxic part of my support system.
So, if every time you talk about problems with a friend you consider supportive, all they do is talk about pessimism and depression, it will only make you feel worse. It’s toxic.
Do you have a toxic support system?
Now that you have some pointers at your fingertips, scroll the list down and see if they match your assistance group. You may be surprised at any signs that ring true.
However, I hope you have a healthy support system, and this list does not apply to your situation at all. And if that happens, now you know.
