Relationships are an integral part of human life. We all want to love and be loved. But what do you think is the most important aspect of it? love? Or a healthy relationship perhaps?

A healthy relationship is one in which you openly discuss each other’s feelings. When we form a stable relationship with our significant other, it provides us with physical and emotional well-being. But, surely, not everyone has had the same experience? Some people form trauma bonds rather than love bonds.

Trauma bonds are toxic relationships that grow stronger over time when couples fail to recognize the red flags and hope that their relationship will repair itself with time.

Trauma bonds form in severe cases, such as exploitative or codependent relationships, where one person is emotionally burned out while the other is blissfully unaware.

If you’ve been someone who has dealt with such toxic relationships, or you’ve witnessed this kind of connection, here are 10 signs you’re dealing with trauma and overcoming it:

Here are 10 signs to determine that it wasn’t love, but a traumatic Bond relationship.

You depend too much on them.
There is a term used to describe people who are overly dependent on their partners, and it is known as codependency. It is a relationship in which your happiness and identity depend on your significant other.

The problem arises when one person takes advantage of the other. It can be emotionally and physically draining, as well as financially. It is as if you are trying to manipulate the other person. Sometimes it is unintentional while most of the time it happens knowingly.

This encourages bad behavior in relationships, as you constantly give them second chances and they keep making the same mistakes.

You are trying to change yourself to them.
A healthy relationship is one in which you accept them as they are. If you came across a relationship that made you change things about yourself, then it wasn’t “love,” it was definitely a trauma bond and you don’t need anyone in your life who doesn’t love you for who you are.

You can always try to change yourself for the better but never try to change yourself for someone else. If they are truly interested in you, you won’t change your habits or your individuality for them.

You feel addicted to them.
When we think of addiction, substances like drugs and alcohol come to mind. However, have you ever wondered if “love” can be an addiction? That’s right, if you feel like you’re becoming addicted to the other person, you’re going through the early stages of a traumatic bond.

She sticks to it even after having fights that turn into emotional meltdowns. You keep staying with them because you think you are nothing without them and there is no way you can ever let them go.

Remember to distinguish between love and anything that breaks you emotionally.

You ask yourself if this is what it feels like to be in love.
“Love doesn’t have to make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.” – Emma Shaw

When you fall in love with someone, it should make you feel complete. You should feel happy to be with them. Of course, there are some days when you have petty fights and misunderstandings but that is normal. The problem occurs when you have constant disagreements and feel like a hero. Is it true love then?

If you have to ask yourself if this is what love should feel like, something is probably not right. Don’t try too hard to fight a battle you’ve already lost. You need to let go of a relationship that is not good for you, both mentally and emotionally.

Related: 8 Lies Narcissists Tell

They ignore your needs.
When the person you love ignores your needs, it’s the worst feeling ever. You feel unwanted when you were always there for them… through thick and thin.

It’s nothing short of a shock bond, when the chance is there for them to be there for you, they remain unfazed and oblivious. If you ask for the attention they act unaware. You are not so needy, if they had paid attention to you, things would have been different.

You sacrifice your needs to make them happy.
Have you tried to get your partner’s attention by buying him gifts that exceed your budget? Or have you always kept their needs ahead of yours?

Well, you hit the mark of a trauma bond where you try to win their affection all the time. Relationships must be equal. Both partners have to put in the same amount of time and effort. If you are the only one making efforts, it means that he lacks understanding and most importantly, respect.

You need to stop bending over backward all the time to make them happy. The right person will value you and not allow you to sacrifice your own needs.

You feel like you have more breakups and patching up than happy moments together.
It’s common to have serious fights sometimes in a long-term relationship, we all go through our ups and downs. However, if it becomes a pattern, it’s cause for concern.

You have to ask yourself if you deserve to be unhappy. Your relationship should have no more trouble spots than happy moments. This does not mean that you cannot handle difficult situations but it simply means that you put your mental health before anything else.

You or your partner experience intense jealousy.
It is normal to feel jealous from time to time. But it becomes a problem when they are constantly jealous of certain aspects of your life. Keep checking the people you follow on Instagram and stalking all your friends.

A problem becomes a problem when both of you fail to acknowledge it. There is a difference between healthy jealousy and constant suspicion of one another.

They make big decisions without consulting you.
Individuality in a relationship is key. As an adult, you don’t need to ask anyone’s permission before making your own decisions. While dating, it is healthy for couples to discuss their plans and ideals.

It becomes a shock bond for you when they make important decisions without consulting or even telling you. For example, withdrawing a lump sum of money from a joint bank account without telling you.

How do you overcome trauma bonds?

When you get over the limitations of the trauma and see that what you’ve been holding on to really wasn’t worth it. You learn that love is meant to be wonderful and not like walking over eggshells.

All relationships teach us something, some positive and some not. But we are still learning from those experiences so that we don’t make the same mistakes again in the future.

If you find it hard to let go, here’s how to overcome the trauma bonds that hurt you the most:

Spot red flags in a relationship before it’s too late.
Get rid of those who disrespect you or bring you down.
Focus on your needs and emotional well-being.
Stand up for yourself, even if it means standing up against them.
Seek professional help and go for treatment if necessary.

Here are 10 signs to determine that it wasn’t love, but a traumatic Bond relationship.

How do you overcome trauma bonds?

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