There are millions of ways we meet friends or romantic partners, and a fleeting mutual interest often turns into something much more! But how do you know if your relationship is superficial and will not tolerate any pressure?

Here we’ll explore what a superficial relationship is, the pros and cons, and how to find out if this situation applies to you.

Definition of surface relationship

A relationship is superficial when it exists only on the surface and lacks a meaningful emotional connection. It happens when two people are not connected by common values and goals in life. In essence, they are together outside their comfort zone and seek to satisfy only superficial needs.

Here is a perfect example of a superficial relationship. You dated someone in school and you didn’t resonate on a deeper level, but you look good together in your prom photos.

The problem is that there is a fundamental difference between a meaningful bond based on mutual love, compassion, respect, and trust, and a bond that is completely comfortable.

Therefore, it is important to know whether your relationship is successful or not, whether it is a friendship or a romantic partnership! Surface connections are usually very short-term, and the interface will collapse as soon as the going gets tough.

Is superficial communication always a bad thing?

Being in a superficial friendship or dating someone for flimsy reasons isn’t always a negative!

There are some great ways you can have fun, explore and make the most of the moment without it needing to be a profoundly life-changing event. Here are some examples of surface connections that aren’t necessarily bad:

Meeting people while traveling tends to be superficial, but it can be a healthy way to enjoy the experience without misleading anyone into thinking you’re in it for the long haul.

You may end up in a superficial partnership if you still cannot internalize your values or don’t know where you want to go next. There’s nothing wrong with casual dating or networking while you figure out your next move.

Superficial may mean it’s not deep or meaningful, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be light, fun and a way to learn more about what you want from something more involved!

In short, provided you both know it’s just a quick hookup and don’t expect anything more, a relationship based on formal compatibility is no problem.

Ten signs of a superficial relationship

So, let’s say you’re not sure if you and your partner are going to stick with it in the long run.

In this case, it is necessary to evaluate the dynamic and decide whether or not you are only together for routine, practical or trivial reasons.

Here are the ten most important signs that your relationship is superficial and not meant to last:

1. Lack of communication
   Shallow relationships lack emotional intimacy, and this is perhaps the most important indicator that your connection with the other person is shallow.

Let’s say you never talk about your feelings, turn to someone else when you’re having difficulty, and don’t expect to be a shoulder to cry on. Most likely, this will not be the type of relationship that will be a part of your life forever.

2. You don’t care about each other’s needs
   Let’s say you’re not bothered if your friend or partner is having a good time or not, and that you’re just having a good time to get a reaction from your friends or to conform to social norms.

You don’t have a deep enough connection to build the foundation of trust and support necessary for a long-term relationship to work.

3. Not talking about the future
   You don’t plan your life out in a decade because you don’t expect to be together that long in most casual relationships. If you never think about the future or don’t know what your partner wants to do with their life, it’s not a committed partnership.
4. Out of sight, out of mind
   True love and close friendships can be pivotal factors in how we think. Therefore, when you are emotionally attached to someone, you are more likely to think about how they are and what they do when you are away.

If this does not happen, and you do not spare a second to think about someone when you are not together, this indicates a lack of emotional connection. It’s one of the most telling signs of a superficial relationship.

5. Lack of shared values
   When you’re spending time with someone for fun, the conversation probably won’t go beyond where you go or what you eat. If you don’t know what a person values or what belief systems they value most, you’re not that intimate, even if you’re having great sex!
6. Petty arguments
   There has to be give and take in any successful relationship because no two people are on the same page every time. Relationships, where there are constant disagreements over silly things or immature topics, mean that you are superficially involved and not interacting.

7. Lies or lies
   Back to Respect – If you love someone and value their presence in your life, you won’t lie to them, cheat on them, or lie to them if you don’t want to spend time with them.

Find yourself making lame excuses because you want an early night, and just don’t admit it? Maybe it’s a superficial friendship. True friends will always feel good because they are honest and open!

8. It’s all about the sex
   Again, there’s nothing wrong with having sex between two consenting adults – and it can be a healthy way to satisfy your sexual desires if you’re not in an emotional position to give more!

Never think that a relationship based only on physical interactions is a forever relationship. Intimacy is much more than just sex. It means opening your heart and all the vulnerability that goes with that.

9. You date for looks
   Blame it on peer pressure, societal expectations, social media – whatever the reason, many people choose a date based solely on looks and don’t care if they have a connection or common interests that will sustain a relationship past the early honeymoon period.
10. Other people are fair game
    Finally, if you often look at other people or fantasize about someone else, you are probably in a superficial relationship.