Cheating is a devastating betrayal, and when the cheater is a narcissist, the damage is often compounded by their ability to twist the truth. Narcissists are known for their manipulative behaviors, and when caught cheating, they resort to a specific set of statements designed to deflect blame, confuse their partner, and maintain control of the situation. These statements aren’t just words—they’re weapons in the narcissist’s arsenal, carefully crafted to protect their fragile ego while keeping their partner off balance.

Understanding the things narcissists say when they cheat can help you recognize the signs of manipulation and emotional abuse. These statements are part of a broader strategy to shift blame, avoid accountability, and keep the relationship on their terms. By knowing what to look for, you can better protect yourself and begin the process of healing from their betrayal.

“It’s Not What You Think”

One of the first things a narcissist may say when confronted with a betrayal is “It’s Not What You Think.” This statement is designed to sow doubt in your mind, making you question your perception of reality. By planting this seed of uncertainty, the narcissist can buy themselves time to come up with a more elaborate lie or explanation.

This tactic is a form of manipulation, where the narcissist distorts the truth to make you feel like you’re overreacting or imagining things. It’s a way to maintain control of the narrative and prevent you from seeing the full extent of their betrayal.

“You’re just paranoid”

When a narcissist tells you that you’re paranoid, they’re trying to shift the focus away from their actions and onto your supposed irrationality. This statement is meant to make you doubt your instincts and feel guilty for even questioning their behavior.

This form of manipulation is particularly damaging because it undermines your self-confidence. By convincing you that your fears are unfounded, the narcissist can continue their deception with less fear of being caught. It’s a tactic that makes you doubt yourself and rely more on their version of reality.

“We were just talking”

Another common phrase narcissists use when confronted with inappropriate behavior with another person is “we were just talking.” This minimizes the seriousness of their actions and downplays the emotional betrayal, making it seem like you’re overreacting to something harmless.

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By dismissing your feelings, this is a way to make you feel stupid for being upset. It’s also a strategy to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, as the narcissist wants to maintain the appearance of innocence while continuing to deceive them.

“You’re overreacting”

By telling you that you’re overreacting, the narcissist is trying to invalidate your feelings and minimize the seriousness of the situation. This phrase is intended to make you feel like you’re overreacting, making you question whether your feelings are justified.

This tactic is a classic example of emotional manipulation, as the narcissist shifts the focus from their mistakes to your reaction. It’s a way to avoid accountability and maintain control of the situation, leaving you unbalanced and unsure of yourself.

“I would never do that to you”

When caught, a narcissist may say, “I would never do that to you,” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. This outright denial is designed to create confusion and make you doubt what you know to be true. It’s a way to convince you that you’re misinterpreting the situation.

This statement is particularly insidious because it exploits your trust in the relationship. By insisting that he or she would never hurt you, the narcissist manipulates your emotions and makes you question your own judgment.

“It’s all in your head”

By saying, “It’s all in your head,” the narcissist is trying to convince you that your suspicions are unfounded and are just a product of your imagination. This statement is designed to make you doubt your own perceptions and feel guilty for even suspecting their infidelity.

This tactic is incredibly damaging because it undermines your confidence in your ability to recognize the truth. The narcissist uses this statement to keep you in a state of confusion, making it easier for him or her to continue their deception without getting caught.

“We were on a break”

If a narcissist is caught cheating during a temporary breakup, they may use the excuse, “We were on a break,” to justify their actions. This statement is intended to blur the lines of fidelity and make you wonder if they actually did anything wrong.

This excuse is a way for the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their infidelity. By framing their infidelity as something that happened during a period of uncertainty, they can minimize the impact of their actions and shift the blame onto the circumstances rather than themselves.

“They came at me”

When a narcissist says, “They came at me,” they are trying to shift the blame for their infidelity onto the other person involved. This statement is intended to absolve themselves of responsibility by portraying themselves as victims of someone else’s advances.

This tactic is a way to deflect accountability and maintain the illusion of innocence. By portraying themselves as unwilling participants, the narcissist can continue to manipulate the situation and avoid facing the consequences of their actions.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you”

By saying “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” the narcissist is trying to frame their betrayal as something done out of concern for your feelings. This statement is meant to evoke sympathy and make you feel like their actions are justified or can be justified in some way.

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This excuse is a form of emotional manipulation, where the narcissist shifts the focus from their mistake to their supposed concern for your well-being. It’s a way to minimize the impact of their betrayal and keep you emotionally invested in the relationship.

“It didn’t mean anything”

When a narcissist says “It didn’t mean anything,” they’re trying to minimize the significance of their betrayal. This statement is meant to make you feel like the betrayal was just a minor lapse in judgment rather than a serious breach of trust.

This tactic is designed to diminish your feelings and make you wonder if the betrayal was worth ending the relationship over. By insisting that it was meaningless, the narcissist can continue to manipulate your emotions and keep you in a state of confusion.

In conclusion, the things narcissists say when they cheat aren’t just excuses—they’re calculated attempts to manipulate, control, and maintain their power in the relationship. Recognizing these statements and understanding the tactics behind them is crucial to protecting yourself from further harm. Healing begins with seeing the truth, no matter how painful it may be, and taking steps to restore your sense of self and well-being.