If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, or someone you know is.
If that’s the case, I want to start by saying: Just because a situation looks bleak right now doesn’t mean things won’t get better.
The first step to overcoming narcissistic control and abuse is to recognize the signs. And the easiest way to do this is to look at the language used.
Once you know the narcissist’s tricks, you take back more power. From there, you can build the strength to take back control of your life.
Here are 10 phrases narcissists use to control their partner in a relationship:
1) “You’re overreacting.”
This is a common line used by narcissists. Usually, they will do something to hurt you, and when you try to call them out on it, they will accuse you of overreacting.
Forget the fact that if you do the same thing to them, they will react ten times worse.
This is a form of gaseous lighting.
It is used to make you question your reality and question your emotions. You may find yourself thinking, “Maybe I’m overreacting.” And this is exactly what a narcissist wants!
This allows them to get rid of their bad behavior.
2) “You are very sensitive.”
Similar to the point above, when you are upset with this statement, it is the narcissist’s way of trying to control your emotions.
By making you feel bad for having normal feelings, they aim to diminish your feelings.
But the ultimate goal is for them to get away with their mistakes.
My ex was a total narcissist. He often used this line.
It took me a long time to accept my feelings and not to get the feeling that I was overreacting or being overly sensitive.
After all, we are human. We are supposed to feel sad when someone hurts us.
3) “I am the best thing that ever happened to you.”
The first time I heard this I almost laughed. But it wasn’t funny.
You see, when a narcissist says this to you, it is because they want to lower your self-esteem. They want you to feel like you’re not good enough for anyone else and they’re doing you a huge favor by being with you.
What this is doing below the surface is causing an energy imbalance.
And this is another form of controlling because you might think twice about leaving, especially if you’ve pushed yourself that you won’t find someone better than him.
4) “If you loved me, you would do this.”
Ah, a little emotional manipulation.
In a healthy relationship, we don’t force people to do things in an effort to prove their love. We know they love us, and we accept their personal decisions and choices.
But the narcissist can’t handle that.
If things don’t go well, they will stoop down to guilt and lead you into doing whatever they want.
I know how much internal strife this can cause, but always remember that you should never prove your love to someone in this way.
5) “No one else will tolerate you.”
Similar to point 3 above, narcissists like to make you feel like you’re a burden and that they’re the only ones who will put up with you.
Which is simply not true.
But how are they going to keep you putting up with all this nonsense? They have to make you feel worthless in order to keep you from leaving them.
It’s a heartbreaking and cruel tactic.
But narcissists don’t care about that. They don’t think about how these statements will destroy your self-esteem and confidence; They only think of themselves.
6) “You don’t remember it correctly.”
Remember when I mentioned “gaslighting” earlier?
Well, here’s another prime example of that.
Your narcissistic partner is wrong. You are upset. But when you recount the details and try to explain why you are upset, they tell you that you are remembering them incorrectly.
Essentially, they are trying to rewrite your memory of the situation. They want you to doubt what you think.
It’s just another way to take control of the situation and control it to fit their narrative.
7) “I didn’t say that/I do that.”
You can have a recording and still deny it.
This is the rudeness of narcissists. They can keep lying until they turn blue in the face before they can be held responsible for their actions.
In other words, they use blind and utter denial to get their way.
In their minds, the more they continue to deny and distort the facts, the sooner they will give up and give up.
8) “You’re just jealous/insecure.”
Now, just as narcissists use denial to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, they will also take blame.
By accusing you of being jealous or insecure, they are highlighting your reaction instead of addressing what they did to make you feel that way.
An example comes to mind:
When my ex started texting another girl, I confronted him about it.
But instead of realizing how I was feeling (and how he would feel if the situation were reversed), he taunted and mocked me for being jealous.
He was trying to make me the problem in the situation. Not only did he pin the blame, but he also tried to shame me into making me feel bad when I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place.
9) “You always/never…”
Using absolutes like “always” and “never” is designed to make you feel like you’re not getting anything right.
My ex used to say, “You’re always looking at other guys.” This was completely untrue, but it was as if he had made up his mind and nothing I said would change him.
You may also find that a narcissistic partner will use divorcers when criticizing you.
“You never make an effort.”
“You always get upset easily.”
By making you feel like you are always in the wrong, they maintain a sense of control and power over you.
10) “Without me, you are nothing.”
Except you might even thrive without this narcissist in your life!
But then again, just like saying “no one will tolerate you” or “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you,” this is another attempt to make you feel worthless.
And to reinforce the fact that you depend on and depend on them.
think about it:
If you constantly tell someone that they will never find love again or that no one will ever find them attractive, they will eventually start to believe it.
And the more they believe it, the easier it will be for them to control.
So, if you recognize some of these phrases, you may be dating a narcissist. And if that’s the case, my advice is to get out while you can!
Narcissists will not change. They will either drive you to the ground or dump you when they move on to someone else.
So, take back control of your life.
Never believe these phrases.
And know that you are capable of finding real, true love one day (which you actually deserve, despite what a narcissist might tell you!).
