Narcissists seem to share a subtle and cunning language when evading blame and mistreating others.
They say one thing but mean something else entirely…
Being subjected to these verbal attacks could mean you’re dealing with a true narcissist.
Their cunning way of dealing with words and all the hidden meanings beneath their seemingly innocent words can often leave you feeling stunned, frustrated, or even guilty for something that’s not your fault.
The painful truth is that narcissists have a unique and highly artistic way of twisting words and situations to their advantage.
And what better way to arm yourself against their cryptic communication styles than to know what they’re saying and why they’re saying it?
So, without further ado, let’s reveal the top 10 phrases narcissists commonly use to deflect responsibility for their failures.
1) “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”
This phrase turns things around for you very quickly. By suggesting that they did something or chose a certain path because of you, it’s all your fault…
(At least, that’s how they want it to appear.)
Narcissists are known for their exceptional skills in shifting blame. They’re adept at making you believe that their actions—no matter how cruel or hurtful—are a direct result of something you did or didn’t do.
So pay attention to this phrase. It’s a classic example of how they avoid responsibility for their failures and instead blame the person closest to them (most likely you).
Forget admitting their mistakes; they’ll attribute their actions to your behavior and paint you the bad guy.
So the next time someone uses this phrase to justify their mistakes, remember that it’s not your fault.
They’re just using manipulation tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions when in reality, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s choices at all—they’re the ones responsible.
2) “You’re overreacting.”
Oh my!
Can’t you be calm?
Be calm?
Learn to relax, for God’s sake…
(Said in the most terrifying terms by a narcissist, no doubt.)
If you’ve ever been told that you overreact when you express anxiety or upset, you’re probably:
- Dealing with an insensitive, emotionally unintelligent human being,
- Dealing with a narcissist,
- (Maybe you’re overreacting, just a little bit).
And if it’s C), that’s okay too. You’re allowed to feel hurt and anxious when you hear things that upset you.
However, truly caring, compassionate people will acknowledge your sensitivities and avoid upsetting you (at least intentionally).
On the other hand, narcissists will try to invalidate your feelings, especially when they upset you. Instead of apologizing or learning how to avoid sensitive topics, they’ll just ridicule you for being upset in the first place.
So remember: It’s not a stretch to expect respect and consideration from others. Your feelings are valid, and no one should make you feel otherwise.
3) “I only did it because you pissed me off first.”
Continuing the blame game, this phrase once again makes you the culprit for all the narcissist’s mistakes.
They wouldn’t have acted badly, mistreated, or hurt you if you hadn’t done something to justify it first…
Like a dog that gets beaten up because it’s begging for crumbs, you suddenly become the bad guy again.
This phrase is another classic narcissist blame-shifting technique, as they use it to justify their actions by blaming their reactions for your supposed provocation.
The idea behind this is to make you feel guilty and responsible for your actions, even if the actions were hurtful and rude.
Instead of acknowledging their inappropriate behavior or reaction, they shift the blame onto you, making you the cause and making you the victim.
A funny way to evade blame, isn’t it?
So if you come across someone using this phrase to justify their actions, remember that it’s not your fault or your actions at all.
It’s a diversionary tactic, often used by narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
4) “I’m not perfect.”
Nobody is perfect! I hope you’ve figured that out by now.
So this phrase sounds innocent enough…
However, when a narcissist uses it, it’s another very clever way to deflect blame.
Narcissists often use this phrase as a way to ignore their own mistakes or failures.
By claiming that they’re not perfect, that everyone is human and makes mistakes, they’re essentially saying that they can’t be held accountable for their actions.
And if you even try to think about defending yourself, you’re by default coming across as inflexible and unsympathetic to what they portray as an unintentional mistake.
But here’s a catch – in psychology, this technique is known as minimization.
Minimization is a type of deception where the perpetrator downplays their actions and makes excuses to make them seem not as bad as they are.
So, when someone uses this phrase to ignore their own failures or harmful behaviors, remember that it’s not an admission of guilt but another way to avoid accountability.
5) “You’re too sensitive.”
Now, this phrase can be hurtful.
Especially when it comes from someone you care about.
Narcissists often use it to belittle your feelings and blame you for being too soft and tender.
Let’s be clear—being sensitive is not a flaw at all. It means you’re empathetic, intuitive, and capable of deep relationships.
However, narcissists twist a good thing into a negative to invalidate your reactions and emotions and, once again, make it all your fault.
So when they say, “You’re too sensitive,” what they’re saying is, “Stop holding me accountable for my actions.”
They’re avoiding acknowledging how they’ve likely hurt you and instead making you feel guilty for feeling hurt in the first place.
But you need to realize that empathy and sensitivity are strengths.
Don’t let anyone use them against you, and protect what might be a kind and golden heart inside of you.
6) “I was just kidding.”
Accompanied by eye rolls.
Narcissists often use humor as a shield for their hurtful comments or actions.
When criticized for their cruel comments, they will resort to saying something like “I was just kidding,” which makes it seem like you’re the one who can’t handle a joke.
You’re the one with a bad sense of humor.
You’re too stressed.
You’re too boring.
They use this cunning tactic to belittle you and make you question your interpretation of the situation. It’s a way for them to escape accountability for their hurtful actions or words by making it seem like they’re overreacting or being unpleasant.
But jokes are supposed to be funny and bring joy to people — not hurt feelings.
If someone is constantly hiding behind humor to justify their hurtful behavior (usually by attacking or belittling you), remember that it’s not your lack of understanding that’s at issue, but their unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.
7) “You’re just jealous.”
If they can’t get away with it through evasion or blame, narcissists will resort to making it appear that you are envious of them in some way. Their lives. Their friends. The list goes on…
They use this phrase to deflect blame and minimize your intentions, as by claiming that you are jealous, they can humiliate you and your concerns.
So when you raise concerns, instead of addressing them, they may try to dismiss them by attributing them to your supposed jealousy.
Don’t let this alleged accusation of jealousy discourage you from expressing your feelings and standing up for yourself.
Remind yourself: You have every right to express your concerns without being labeled as jealous.
8) “Nobody else has a problem with this.”
Narcissists often use this phrase as a way to convince you that you are the only person in the entire world who has a problem with their behavior or actions.
They try to isolate your concerns as an anomaly, suggesting that since no one else is raising a problem, the problem lies with you. Just as you lack humor, you overreact, you are overly sensitive, etc.
But know that just because others haven’t voiced their concerns (to your knowledge), it doesn’t mean they don’t share yours.
Trust your instincts, stand your ground, and don’t let this manipulative statement make you question your judgment.
9) “You always get it wrong.”
Again, it’s a way to shift the blame onto you and make you the bad person who can’t communicate or understand things correctly…
This statement is a classic narcissistic tactic to shift blame and distort your feelings.
By insinuating that you’re misinterpreting their actions or words, they evade accountability and put the fault on you. They then come clean and don’t get involved in any issues that arise.
But trust that your feelings and perceptions are valid. You don’t always get it wrong at all, and you’re allowed to feel things the way you do.
Especially when it comes to interactions with a narcissist, sometimes things go completely wrong.
10) “It’s your fault.”
In conclusion, we can safely conclude that narcissists are experts at least trying to avoid making mistakes. At all times. At all costs.
Hence, they use this hurtful phrase to blame others for their failures. It’s a very direct and brutal attempt to shift all the blame onto you while they get away with it.
The truth is, that we are all responsible for our actions, decisions, and failures.
The sooner we learn to accept and acknowledge our role in things, the better.
No one else can be blamed for the choices we make, and we shouldn’t accept blame from others.
Catching a Narcissist in the Act
Hats off to you if these phrases sound familiar.
(Hopefully, they’re not in your vocabulary.)
But if you recognize someone close to you who uses similar phrases, be wary and be on your guard.
Narcissists are difficult friends and partners, and they often act sweet and kind until it comes to accepting blame or using others for their benefit.
However, hopefully, you can walk away from this situation better informed about the cunning ways narcissists manipulate others and play mind games.
Knowing the above phrases, you will also be better prepared to spot narcissists in their tracks and get yourself out from under their feet.
