Words can be like powerful spells that cast their spell on us. This is especially the case when it comes from the mouth of a manipulator.
One of the most common tactics they resort to to get you to do what they want is guilt.
This subtle distortion of reality is designed to manipulate your emotions and try to make you feel bad.
But don’t fall for it.
It is important to protect yourself and be extremely alert to the following statements. Because whenever you hear them, a manipulator might be trying to manipulate you.
1) “You always/never”
This is used by the manipulator to try to paint a picture of a consistent negative behavior pattern within another person.
It’s as if they’ve been long-suffering, and you’re some kind of unchanging tyrant.
For starters, studies have proven how talking in absolutes like this can be harmful to our relationships.
It creates this black and white aspect to everything that is being discussed. In this context, you are wrong and they are right.
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That’s why it’s used as a maneuvering tool by manipulators to try to make you feel bad and hope you’ll back off as a result.
2) “Do what you want”
However, it is quite clear from the way they say that all is not well, and you are definitely not free to do what you want.
They may protest that you can “suit yourself” or reject “anything” that comes your way.
But this has a definite undercurrent that’s specifically designed to make you reconsider.
As therapist Lisa Gold explained on Psych Central:
“Guilt is a natural form of passive aggression that people elicit when they do not have the skills or language to communicate their needs or feelings assertively.”
Instead of being honest about how they feel, they try to give you the cold shoulder in order to subtly assert their influence.
3) “If you care about me, you will.”
We should never be asked to do something that we are not happy about doing, and certainly never prove our love to someone.
When you are under the spell of a manipulator, this phrase can be effective in pressuring you to change your mind.
But try flipping the script.
Suggest to them that if they really cared about you, they wouldn’t try to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Putting ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in is never a test of our love, it is always a test of our limits.
4) “If it were the other way around, I would do it for.”
You probably have no way of knowing if this is true. Because the shoe is not on the other foot. Realistically, this is rarely the case.
You are the one who is asked to give again, and you are the one who takes.
But this phrase is trying to imply that they are just asking you for something that they would also do willingly.
It is a way of indicating that the balance of power and affection in a relationship is equal, when in reality it is not. Because you are the one asking him to sacrifice.
All the hypothetical scenarios in the world where “they’ll do the same for you” doesn’t change that fact.
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All that matters is whether they ask you for something that you would be happy to do for them. If not, the answer must be no.
5) “I promise this is the last time”
This phrase is thrown around as a bargaining tool.
The speaker knows that you are running out of patience. So they seek to reassure you that it will not happen again.
They ask for this final favor or act of forgiveness.
But at the same time, they push your boundaries and try to convince you to accept something that you probably shouldn’t accept.
They play on your heart strings to try to get their own way.
6) “After everything I’ve done for you”
This phrase indicates that you owe someone some kind of debt.
