There’s a fine line between charming someone and manipulating them, and it often boils down to authenticity.
Narcissists are known for their manipulative tactics. They have a knack for using catchy words and phrases to gain your trust, only to use them as a tool of control.
At the beginning of a relationship, he may seem like the most charming person you’ve ever met. But behind this magic there may be a disturbing intent.
In this article, we will reveal 10 charming phrases that most narcissists use to gain trust and control at the beginning of a relationship.
We’ll dive into this tricky area so you can spot these signs early and make informed decisions about your relationships.
1) “You are special…”
Few things in life are as attractive as making you feel special. Narcissists are experts at this.
They have mastered the art of using kind words to make you feel like the most special person in the world. It is their secret weapon to gain trust and maintain control.
This phrase, “You are special,” taps into our innate desire to be appreciated and cherished. It is a highway to our hearts and a powerful tool of manipulation in the hands of a narcissist.
True appreciation is always accompanied by respect and understanding. If someone is quick to make you feel “special” without really knowing you, it may be time to question their motives.
The key here is to notice consistency between their words and actions. True magic is not manipulation, it is authentic and lasting.
2) “I’ve never met someone like you before…”
This is another phrase that narcissists often use to make you feel special and valuable. Let me share a personal story to illustrate this.
A few years ago, I started dating someone who seemed like a dream come true. He was charismatic, attentive, and seductive. One of his favorite phrases was: “I’ve never met someone like you.”
At first, it felt great. I felt seen, valued, and valued. But over time, I realized that he was using this phrase not as a real compliment but as a way to make me feel special and thus more resilient to his control.
He didn’t take the time to understand me or appreciate my personality. Instead, he used this phrase as a tool to make me feel like I owed him something because he saw me as “different.”
It was a difficult but valuable lesson. I now know that true appreciation happens over time and is not rushed or used as leverage in a relationship.
3) “We are perfect for each other…”
This phrase can be incredibly catchy when you hear it from someone you’re attracted to. It paints a picture of a romantic destiny, two souls meant to be together.
However, in the world of psychology, there is a concept called “idealization.” This is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists where they quickly put you on a pedestal and declare you to be their perfect partner.
Why should this be a cause for concern? Well, because healthy relationships take time to build and involve understanding, compromise, and growth. They’re not perfect right away.
Declaring perfectionism often indicates an attempt to speed up and control the relationship process. It is important to be aware of this and ensure that the relationship develops at a pace that suits both parties.
4) “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before…”
This phrase can seem like a compliment of the highest order. When someone tells you, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before…”, it evokes feelings of pride, appreciation, and uniqueness.
In the hands of a narcissist, it is a tool designed to speed up the pace of the relationship and secure your emotional investment. It’s a promise of exclusivity and intensity that can be hard to resist.
But here’s the thing. Love, true love, takes time to develop and grow. It’s not an overnight sensation. So hearing this phrase too soon may be a sign that the person is trying to rush into emotional intimacy.
True feelings are not a race, but a journey. It’s okay to take things slowly and let feelings develop naturally over time.
5) “You’re the only one who understands me…”
There is something very poignant about being the only person who can truly understand someone.
When a narcissist says, “You’re the only one who understands me,” it’s as if you’ve been given a great responsibility. It’s as if you hold a special place in their life that no one else can occupy.
This phrase tugs at your heartstrings. It makes you feel needed, appreciated, and special. But beneath this seemingly innocent statement lies a manipulative strategy.
What they’re doing is reinforcing your unique place in their life and subtly isolating you from others. It’s a way to make you feel more committed to them and less likely to leave, even when things get tough.
6) “I can’t imagine my life without you…”
Hearing someone say, “I can’t imagine my life without you” can be incredibly heartwarming. It can make you feel cherished, needed, and deeply loved.
But in the hands of the narcissist, this statement has a different motive. It’s often used as a tool to quickly create a strong bond, making it difficult to leave if things get complicated.
It is important to keep in mind that love is not about possession or dependency, but rather about mutual respect, care, and freedom. True love values your existence but also respects your independence.
7) “I’ve been hurt by…”
This phrase touched my heart when I first heard it from someone I was dating. He made me want to protect, comfort, and be there for him.
I quickly realized that this statement was a recurring theme in our conversations. It was always about past hurt, creating a story where he was the victim and I was their savior.
This is a common tactic used by narcissists to gain sympathy and impose control.
While it is natural to empathize with someone’s past pain, it is essential to recognize when it is being used as a tool to manipulate your emotions and behavior.
Healthy relationships are about moving forward together, not dwelling on past hurts.
8) “I’ve never told anyone this before…”
When someone shares a deep secret with you, it creates a bond of trust. Narcissists often use the phrase “I’ve never told anyone this before…” to form this bond early in the relationship.
I remember a time I was interviewing when someone confided in me about a very personal matter, prefacing it with “I’ve never told anyone this before…”.
It made me feel confident, special, and more invested in the relationship.
But over time, I realized that this vulnerability was not mutual. It was a one-way street where I was expected to be emotionally available, but the same did not extend to me.
While sharing secrets can deepen a relationship, it is important to recognize when it is being used as a tool for manipulation.
True vulnerability is mutual and should not be used to create an imbalance of emotional responsibility.
9) “I can’t imagine my life without you…”
When a narcissist says, “I can’t imagine my life without you…”, it may initially seem like a romantic declaration of love. However, when used early in a relationship, it can be a red flag.
This phrase is designed to make you feel indispensable and deepen your emotional connection. It paves the way for increased emotional dependence, which is a major tool in the narcissist’s arsenal of control.
By making you feel like they can’t live without you, the narcissist is subtly manipulating you to make you feel responsible for his happiness.
This can create an unbalanced dynamic where you may feel forced to meet their needs at the expense of your own.
10) “You complete me…”
This may sound like the most romantic line from a Hollywood movie, but in real life, this is a red flag when dealing with a potential narcissist.
“You complete me” means that it was somewhat incomplete before you came. It puts a lot of responsibility on your shoulders to be your “other half.”
Although it may be fun to be seen as someone’s missing piece, this is not healthy. In a balanced relationship, two complete individuals complement each other; They do not complement each other.
