You can tell when someone wants to be your friend, right? They’ll follow you on Instagram, reply to your stories, like some posts, and ask you if you want to grab a drink sometime.
What about when someone wants to date you? That’s pretty obvious, right? They’ll follow you on Instagram, reply to your stories, like some posts, and ask you if you want to grab a drink sometime…
Determining whether someone wants to date you or be your friend isn’t always straightforward.
When that guy at work or the girl from your college class does things like the above, how can you tell if you’re reading the room correctly?
Here’s what psychology has to say about it. When someone is thinking about you sexually, you might notice these 10 signs.
1) He’s staring at you
We’re drawn to things and people we like. It’s like when you see a beautiful sunset or landscape and you can’t take your eyes off it! That’s your instincts kicking in. It’s your brain telling you that you like what you’re looking at.
A similar rule applies to people you’re attracted to. Studies have found two interesting things about eye contact and what it says about your level of attraction to someone (and the type of attraction).
First, the more you look at someone, the more romantic feelings you’ll feel toward each other. This is due to the release of the chemical phenylethylamine from prolonged eye contact.
The second interesting thing is that the more you look at someone’s face, the more likely you are to feel romantic love. While the more you look at someone’s body, the more likely you are to feel sexual desire for them.
So where he or she looks should tell you everything you need to know…
2) Their Eyes Darken When They Look at You
Another important thing about someone’s eyes isn’t just whether they look at you (and where they look…). It’s what their eyes look like!
Have you ever heard of “come-to-bed eyes”? It’s hard to describe exactly what they look like unless you see them. By definition, this look means that someone is giving you a “sexy, sexually attractive expression.” In simple terms, this is when someone looks at you in a way that makes you feel like they’re thinking about you naked!
I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t just an expression. Experts say that when someone looks at you with love (or lust, in this case!), their eyes will become soft, dark, and maybe even wider than usual. So “come to bed eyes” are a thing!
3) They’re Talking Dirty to You
This should be pretty obvious! If a guy or girl is talking dirty to you, they’re almost 100% trying to get into your pants! Dirty talk is probably a symbol of the fact that someone is thinking about you sexually. They’re talking about it!
Dirty talk is important both in and out of the bedroom. A study of nearly 1,000 people between the ages of 18 and 83 found that 90% of them felt aroused by proper erotic talk with their partner.
Interestingly, a similar study found that talking dirty outside the bedroom (like via text) is also linked to higher rates of sexual satisfaction. So if you’re talking dirty to someone and you’re certain that you want it too, it’s probably going to end well, if you know what we mean…
4) They Speak Low and Slow
As it turns out, it’s not just what they say, it’s how they say it! When someone is thinking about you sexually and wants to make a move, they’re not going to be talking at lightning speed, rushing from point to point, and babbling.
Unless, of course, they’re nervous about being around you! But regardless of nervousness, they’re more likely to talk to you in a low, slow tone when they’re thinking about you sexually. This means their speech will slow down and their voice will be quieter, like a high-pitched whisper.
They also won’t be speaking in their usual tone. Research has found that this is more of a subconscious behavior than a conscious one.
Women tend to speak in a higher pitch during the most fertile part of their menstrual cycle to enhance their attractiveness (without knowing it). Men, on the other hand, tend to lower their pitch when dating, especially when they’re feeling jealous.
Speaking of jealousy…
When someone likes you, you may notice a twinge of jealousy in their behavior. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, although some are quick to call it “toxic!
A little jealousy can make someone appreciate you more. Experts also find that small doses of jealousy show that someone likes or cares about you. Like if they see you talking to another guy and want to join in the conversation.
But there’s a big caveat because not all jealousy is healthy. Studies have found that some jealous behaviors are linked to low self-esteem. This type is quite toxic. Like if a guy tries to control what you wear or where you go in the name of jealousy.
There’s another caveat, too, which is that you feel secure in yourself. Evidence suggests that the more secure you feel in yourself, the less likely you are to display jealous behavior. So, if they don’t act jealous, they may still like you. They feel insanely secure, which is also attractive!
6) They Ask You What You Like/Dislike in Bed
When someone is thinking about you sexually, they’re going to want to know more about you sexually! Your interests and preferences will be a priority (To some extent) for him.
So, they will ask you about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom. This could be to gauge your compatibility and see if your interests match. Or it could be to see what they can do for you to make it more fun.
Of course, it could also be to fuel their sexual thoughts even more!
7) They Compliment Your Clothes/Body/Appearance
Of course, sexual attraction isn’t just about your appearance. Experts say that emotional attraction is the feeling of being attracted to someone’s personality. It’s important in long-term relationships and when forming deep, meaningful connections.
But physical attraction is also important. That’s why when someone wants you sexually, they’ll pay attention to your body and the clothes you’re wearing!
They’ll probably compliment you a lot on the things you’re wearing. From a suit or dress to casual clothes or gym clothes, they’ll notice what you’re wearing and love it!
8) They Love Your Smell
They won’t just notice (and compliment!) your clothes, they’ll also smell them. Experts have studied the effect of scent on sexual attraction and have found that you’re more likely to like someone’s scent if you’re attracted to them.
The smell is one of our olfactory senses, and it’s our most primitive sense. That’s why it’s so closely linked to sexual attraction. You can be attracted to someone’s natural scent (i.e. the pheromones they give off) or their “artificial” scent (i.e. your perfume or aftershave) — or both.
9) They Want to Date You
It’s not like they want you to be their girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s like they want to go on dates with you! Because when someone is sexually attracted to you, they want to be around you.
Most likely, these dates will be things that involve getting close and intimate. Like watching a movie on the couch. Or teaching you how to play miniature golf, and standing close to you and putting their hand on your arm/elbow/shoulder/small part of your back.
The point is, when someone is thinking about you romantically, they’re likely to try to “seduce” you or have a desire to “seduce” you — in which case, that means they’ll want to date you as much as possible.
10) They Laugh at Your Jokes
When you’re funny, a lot of people will laugh at your jokes! But your jokes aren’t the only reason people laugh. A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology found that humor is very important to romantic relationships.
They found that when strangers were put in a room together, the more the couple laughed, the more they were romantically interested in each other. For women specifically, the more she laughed at his jokes, the more likely she was to see him as a potential romantic interest.
So a girl who laughs at all your jokes? A guy who makes jokes that you find funny? You’re probably thinking about each other romantically, and maybe even sexually.
Final Thoughts
Do you recognize these signs in someone you know? It might not be just a friendship you’re interested in if you know what I mean…
If you’re not interested, it’s time to shut it down. If you are interested, what are you waiting for? Ask them out, agree to those drinks, or go ahead and accept their Instagram request!
