It’s incredibly difficult to always trust again after a toxic relationship, and this is probably the worst recovery when it comes to it. However, learning to trust again is essential, if somewhere deep down, deep inside, you still want to experience the feeling of true love.
Toxic relationships are not something that just happens. Most of the time it starts out like any healthy relationship. But over time, the combination of the two of you becomes toxic.
Suddenly you end up in this emotionally abusive relationship where you don’t even realize the damage was done just because the damage was done over a period of time.
When one is in a toxic relationship, you don’t see how bad it is. You don’t see how painful it is. I was sedated to pain. You reject the bad parts while you cling to the good parts that act as a highlight reel.
Related: MY CLOSURE from a Narcissist
Why is it so hard to trust again after a toxic relationship
You think it is love but what it really is, is loving one half of one person while being denied the toxic parts of it that are causing you. Whatever it is, they take it on you. You become an easy target because you forgive so easily. Don’t take it personally. But the emotional toll of someone being treated badly consistently, affects every relationship you have after that.
Ending a toxic relationship is difficult in and of itself but recovering from it is where the real challenge begins.
I suddenly became suspicious of everyone. Someone is showing you their best and you are expecting the worst. You go into every relationship not only lacking confidence within another but you don’t trust yourself anymore.
Relationships are about being in control and not a mutual thing where you meet halfway.
You think your best self is not good enough because every time before that person is looking for any mistake you did, any excuse for losing you, any reason they are after you and they did.
You have learned to tiptoe and to walk on eggshells because you never know when you will lose them.
And maybe not physical abuse but emotional abuse is just as damaging if not worse.
When you mess with someone’s head and blame them for everything, they suddenly compliment themselves, suddenly question their choices, and suddenly doubt themselves and seek the approval of those around them.
over thinking. exaggeration. Too much effort towards someone is not worth it. But you don’t see it that way. What you learn is yourself through their eyes.
And next to them they set you apart, they take great care of you, and the things they used to say to you, you now say to yourself. The negative torrent of blows they turn into self-destruction.
They constantly strive to be good enough but when your best wasn’t enough, you learned to refer to yourself, not others.
You learn not to believe compliments and if you do, you question someone’s motive.
Related: How A Narcissist Looks At Life And You
Because in toxic relationships, I’ve learned that kindness comes with limitations. Blessings come with ownership. Gifts were used to blackmail and manipulate.
Toxic relationships are about what you do to boost another person’s ego or how you make another person look. You are never your person, but rather an extension of someone else. Through this, you fail to know who you are, believing that everything you do is what you can do for someone else. Your self-worth begins to be determined by someone else and through someone else’s eyes.
Then you start to believe everything they say. They manipulate you so much that even if you quit or leave, they won’t even have to say anything to get you to come back. You do it yourself.
Toxic relationships just run in these never-ending circles. Your emotions are some kind of game for them. And how you constantly interact gives them that high because they have that effect on you.
You never feel free from a toxic person because even when you walk away, they grab you without touching you. They have conditioned you and influenced you even in their absence.
You look at yourself and you see them.
So even after saying goodbye, they are a ghost that haunts you, turning you into your own worst enemy.
Getting away isn’t the hardest part it’s re-educating yourself about what you deserve in a relationship.
It is learning to forgive someone who will never say sorry but also learning to forgive yourself to let the relationship remain.
It’s learning who you are at your worst and deciding to never be weak or weak again and let someone control you as they did.
It’s repeating over and over good things about yourself when the voice over and over says something negative. It is the ability to distinguish who is the real voice.
Toxic relationships teach you what love is and what it isn’t.
Love does not control it. Love is not manipulation. Love does not blackmail. Love is not someone’s property. Love does not take all the blame. Love is not someone’s punching bag. Love is not circled you run in. Love does not love only one half of a person and tolerates the bad aspects of your personality. Love does not criticize you. Love tears you apart to build yourself up. Love doesn’t need I’m sorry, I still love you after tearing you apart.
You learn about the love you want. You learn about the love you need. You learn that this will never happen again.
Toxic relationships destroy you from the inside out but a toxic relationship doesn’t mean that’s all it has in store for you.
Healing from toxic relationships begins with taking responsibility for your actions but also understanding that you are not responsible for someone else’s actions.
It’s not your fault.
