It is often difficult to make the decision to let go of abusive family relationships. This article is about when you made that decision.
Ruth consulted with me because she was at a loss as to what to do with her mother, brother, and son.
Since Ruth was born, she has never felt like she belonged to her family. Ruth was ignored by her mother, who clearly favored her brother, and constantly allowed her brother to beat Ruth. Ruth had some connection with her father, but he was a weak man and did not stand up for or protect her.
Ruth was a loving child and tried in any way to please her mother and brother, to no avail. She couldn’t understand why her family didn’t like her.
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As an adult, she married an emotionally unavailable man, a man who looked so much like her mother. As with her mother and brother, she tries many ways to get his love and never succeeds. Her son, Dylan, was eight years old when they divorced.
Dylan always seemed to favor his father, and finally went to live with his father when he was sixteen. Again, Ruth was completely ignorant of why her son did not like her. She was a devoted mother, so why should he reject her?
Ruth finally remarries, this time to a loving man, and has another child. Her current family was completely different from her previous family and her original family.
However, she was still hoping to establish a relationship with her mother. She would send her mother birthday and Christmas cards, but she would rarely hear from her.
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The final blow she sent to seek my help came when she found out that her son had married without telling her, and that her brother had moved her mother into a nursing home and sold everything without telling her.
Ruth was a shining light of love. Her eyes, her smile, her gestures all radiate love and compassion. Her very gentle and calm nature was evident at first sight.
“Why? Why don’t they like me?” she asked.
I told her, “Because you are a giver and they are a taker.” “Givers care about others, while recipients only want to take from others.
You can never give enough for a recipient to receive any care, because they don’t love themselves. They reject themselves and try to persuade others to give in to them.
Because they have given themselves up emotionally, they are angry at others for not giving them enough. Your mother and your brother were united in taking them from you, as were your husband and your first son.
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They look at you and see a fountain of love coming from you and they want it, but they are unable to receive it. Your light contrasts with their darkness and they hate you for it. “
“But what can I do?”
“Nothing but not being around them. They will suck the life out of you if you allow them to spend time with you. I know you care about them, but they are unable to care about themselves or you, so you have to let them go. It is not in your best interest to be with people who are unable to Your rating – who only want to take from you.
“But can’t I help them?”
“No, because they don’t ask for help. I know you believed that if you loved them enough, they would heal and love you again, but that will never happen because they are not open to loving you.
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They feel inadequate in the face of your open heart and their closed heart, passing their self-judgment on you. There is nothing you can do to help them open their hearts. Only they can do that. It is unlikely that your mother or brother will open their hearts, but perhaps your son will in time. He will come to you if he does.”
“But I have such a wonderful life now. Wouldn’t it be selfish to let them go to their abusive families?”
“No, she is to blame for herself. It is not loving yourself to be with people who treat you badly.”
Ruth understood. I felt sad but relieved. She finally saw that all she could do was pray for them to open their hearts.
Are you ready to let go of abusive family ties?
