How To Move On When You See Your Ex Every Day

I don’t even know where to start. I loved this girl who broke my heart. Our relationship was nothing but a messy mess! You might think I’d be glad we finished but I’m lost. She was my first love but unfortunately, we left a lot of little things between us, like what other people think. Everyone keeps saying, “How can you love someone who has treated you so badly?”

How can I even respond to that anymore? I used to say they didn’t know her as I did. But now I don’t know who she is anymore. We went from talking every day to not even being able to look at each other, and now, unfortunately, I find myself having to see her every day! It would be fine if I could stop wondering how she could move forward.

Don’t you see how much it hurts me? Why wouldn’t anyone understand if it was easy to forget about it only if I would already understand? I suppose the real question I want to answer is: How do I proceed if I have to see her every day?

Any advice would be appreciated! I just need someone to understand what I’m going through.

sincerely,

Confused train wreck

good news. I don’t know where to start either. I also don’t think you’ll be happy that your messy, awkward relationship is over. Oh my gosh, I feel like these are the hardest to let go of. We keep fighting for them, you know? We feel like they haven’t even had a chance to start, and that if we can clean up the mess, if we can get some answers, there will be love there.

Related: Why Your Toxic Ex Keeps Coming Back: 4 Reasons

A huge, wonderful, steadfast and indisputable love. I don’t know about it. I think sometimes we have to let go of the love or maybe the fantasy we have of it.

Both can be useful to us though. Losing someone against our will can be beneficial to us. Getting deeper into the fantasy rather than the reality of a relationship can be a good thing for us. We need these experiences at least once in our lives.

We need to get a feel for what it means to be robbed of something and someone. We need to know what it means to not touch anything either, and not to have a person the way we think they could be. We need to let people escape. We need to be the ones left behind and sometimes we have to be the one who slips first too.

If you want to know love, you have to overcome its various storms. You have to bear the weight of your feelings, you have to learn how drawn you are, you have to realize what love is, you have to discover what love means to you.

Fortunately for you, you’re in the middle of one of those storms and I guess that’s not a curse.

Being forced to see your ex every day is a blessing. (Although you may not have heard of it before.) Listen, my view is not popular. and I know that. Search the Internet and you will find completely different tips. But I think it’s a good response, and a more powerful response, to doing what can’t be done easily. Because advice to be followed freely is often the easiest one to follow; And easy won’t make you stronger, my dear.

Easy won’t prepare you for your darkest drama and your wildest dreams. And I want you to be ready. I want you to risk yourself again. I want you to see your ex every day. I don’t want you to go ahead. Not just with the touch of the fingers. I want you to move on to him. Go to resistance, to sadness, to confusion. I want you to move into your mess.

If you’re going to move on from anything right away, move on from what other people think. Stay away from what everyone is telling you. If your friends can’t help you, now be good at helping yourself. In the future, you will need to. Your friends shouldn’t ask you how you can love someone who has treated you so badly. These are the ones who, whether they know it or not, are making fun of you.

The friends in your circle don’t need to ask you how, they should ask you why. Why do you love someone who treats you so badly?

Related: Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: 6 Red Flags To Never Ignore

I loved someone who treated me badly when I was treating myself badly. I think their love was just a continuation of that. But then I also liked men who treated me badly because I didn’t think that bad was an accurate portrayal of their entire personality and didn’t imagine it represented the extent of their love for me.

Sometimes we love those who treat us badly because we don’t know where to go, and this hell is better than anywhere else. Or so we think. Then again, sometimes we don’t like the person who treats us badly, we just tolerate them. There are a lot of reasons behind this but the only one that matters to you is the reason.

To move forward as you wish, this question must be answered. Not by your friends, your family, not by me, but by you. You may not know the answer now. I don’t even expect you because I know the answers crystallize through perspective. And I am sure that seeing your ex, even from afar, day in and day out, will lead to a more perspective, and a better one.

The truth is, you can’t gain the perspective you need through avoidance, even though that’s what people will tell you to do.

This is the advice I’m talking about, and it’s the popular opinion on Google. Avoid your ex. Facebook has even rolled out a feature that respects the avoidance I’d warn of. It is a feature that allows you to “hide exits from you after a breakup”. The way I read it is, it’s a feature that lets you hide from your ex after a breakup.

But hiding does not mean that your ex or your feelings are already gone. It just takes away your burden. At the end what we avoid always comes and knocks us to our knees.

Your best bet is to address your heartbreak. Back it up and then you can build yourself back up. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. it’s working. It will strengthen you.

Listen, I know it hurts to see someone you love to go on with their lives without you. Nothing breaks my heart more than making a once-universal person turn weird. This transformation is stunning and can feel like the ultimate betrayal.

But pretending that it isn’t there and that this change isn’t happening, doesn’t help cure you of the truth of the matter, of the fact that you won’t look at each other while the truth is that you’re a can. You can be the one who doesn’t look away. You can challenge yourself to be the braveheart in the room.

Related: 7 Signs You Are a Victim of Gaslighting

My advice is not to avoid what’s in front of you, ease around it. Be that brave heart by standing close to the person you loved. Even if you’re shivering, you’re human, shake. This is valuable time. You’re excited and hurt and you want to love and you’ll see it years from now. Eventually, your heartache will subside, your nerves will calm down and you will slowly dare to love again and when that happens, you will be so grateful that you had what you had and know what you know.

The people I know who are quick to move past these opportunities, who have never “gone there” after breaking up with an ex, and who have always been able to move on straight away, are also the people who will see their previous years afterward and walk away from them. This may sound like apathy, this may sound like a person has moved to another place, but this is the person’s reaction when controlled by the weight of someone else’s presence.

They avoid them. they hid. They have become small and shy versions of themselves. They’re not proud of that either but they couldn’t be brave any other way. And so they live like this, with an unresolved heart, and they wish it were free.

One of my favorite quotes is from The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: “If you walk away from things, you start a whole history of walking away.” It’s a chilling streak that begs the question: What kind of date do you want?

You said you’d be okay to see your ex every day if you could stop wondering how she passed on from you. My advice is to not make the mistake of avoiding an ex who has walked away from you. They may look alike but they are not the same. The factor that distinguishes them is that the one who has moved away from you can approach you without misfortune in his heart; They can take care of you without the fear that they will go back to where they no longer belong. Tell me who do you want to be?

I know who I want to be.

I want to be the one who can show up.

I want to be the person who cares

When you sit down and see your ex every day, remind yourself of your choices and the outcomes — the dates — that come with either avoiding or facing your reality. I can tell you straight away that challenging your heart will require raw emotion. Sometimes you will feel hurt. You will feel left behind. You will feel angry at yourself, for the incompleteness of this. But don’t be a fool for your feelings.

When you see your ex, when you feel incomplete, do not think for a moment that the reason is that you lack something, that you do not deserve something. Remember, just as there are benefits to not doing what everyone else is doing, there are more benefits to not thinking as everyone thinks. Remember that the easiest method is not the most powerful. And you’re writing to me because you want to get strong. Because you know you can be.

Related: Why It’s Better To Stay Single Than In A Toxic Relationship

How do you go forward? You remind yourself of this, of the manners you desire. You remind yourself that more is not coming from what you have already done or what you already have.

How do you go forward? You face challenges that insist on more of you.

 You move forward by surprising yourself, by living in ways you don't think you can live.
 You can move forward by saying hello to your ex as you walk past her down the hall.
 You are moving forward by not looking away from everything you have taken care of in your life.
 You move forward by not being afraid to care more than to be the one who cares most.
 You are moving forward by not pretending that you are over your life.
 You are moving forward by taking your good time.

be brave. Be flexible. You have this, my friend.

the love,